Is this a mad idea ???

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

AmandaD28 wrote: »

The chances of the job being there are at 8 or 9 it doesn't involve moving anywhere like London it involves his living in accomodation provided by the employer and he will be given a company credit card with a £50 perday limit for expenses.

He will be away anything between 4- 8 weeks at a time and then return home for a few weeks before going off again and the work could take him around the world.

AH - this is what will stump you. you CAN NOT claim to be a single parent if he moves home for a few weeks (not sure what the "allowence" is for him to be classed as living there) but he WOULD be classed as living there.

With regards to the job (not to OP but others) - I know someone who works on a private ship as a chef, he earns a STUPID amount, gets to travel round the world and have every expense paid (within a limit!) and doesnt pay ANY Tax or N.I because he "lives" at sea. He docks once a month for a week - so the jobs are there.

AmandaD28

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Sorry Amanda after I posted that I thought it was quite mean of me, you are obviously thinking of ways to move out

It depends on how strong your relationship is and how committed you both are to making this situ work, I think it could

How long do you envisage him working away for?

Thats ok Sam I do understand that point of view clearly before I met him I had a need to be here but now I don't like I say hence the looking at elsewhere and maybe I've been a bit cautious due to the breakdown of my marriage before and the one thing I was always thankful for was that I could afford to keep the roof over our heads had I been in an expensive private rental I would have really struggled I was also just training to be a nurse at that point and didn't have a massive income.

Since I qualified in March I feel much more confident that if I found myself on my own again I'd be far better placed to afford my home I've never claimed HB I didn't need to and council tax was exempt initially with my student status until OH moved in anyway then we still had 25% discount because I wasn't counted until March where it has again become payable in full.

I'm under no illusions that I have been lucky to live where I have I am a rarity around here in that I work full time always have and have always paid my way. The kids have friends here and their school is close by we have had a good time here but its now time to move on we're just working out how to do that.

We are strong we love each other dearly and I truly believe he is my soulmate could we survive it ? I don't know I've never lived like that before and neither has he. He would be away for between 4 - 8 wks at a time and returning home for a couple before going off again.

gonzo127

as to credit records how old are they as any trashing dissappears after 6 years so have you both crecked your credit files recently?

as to the part about him moving out, its always a difficult one as every relationship is different, so you really do need to look at how you both feel about if, if one of you is worried could you do a trial run? something like finding somewhere for him to live (not nessesarily a long way away), but just not at yours and then see how you feel only getting to see him at weekends?

personally i could not spend that amount of time away from my child even for a substancial pay rise, anyways now thinking north east i am expecting Manchester/Liverpool way, so a quick look on rightmove shows loads of 4 bed houses for under £150k in and around Manchester and Liverpool, of course a lot are likely to be in less disirable areas but the question is have you actually looked at the property prices around you to see how much you might need for a deposit and rough repayment mortgage costs (which i expect will be more than your current £76 a week)

AmandaD28

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

AH - this is what will stump you. you CAN NOT claim to be a single parent if he moves home for a few weeks (not sure what the "allowence" is for him to be classed as living there) but he WOULD be classed as living there.

Yeah this is still his home it will always be with us and I wouldn't be thinking about claiming otherwise just managing as a single parent if that makes any sense lol

seafarers_wife

i would say if he has the job offer to go for it. my DH works away 4 - 5 months at a time at sea and then back for approx 3 months, i only get emails from him every few days and a phonecall maybe once or twice whilst he is away. it is hard but it means we have a very good income and its setting us up for the future.

it will get harder when the baby is here for both of you as you will effectivly be a single mum at the times he is away but for the short term period of a few years struggle to enable you to set your family up for life then go for it.

you wont be entitled to single persons council tax as the council's will class your home as his main residence even though he will be away for long periods of time. and you will need to look into the NI and tax situation in great details as the NI and tax rules vary massivley depending on where your OH would be working and how long he would be out of the country. I would seriously recomend hiring an accountant if your OH does go down this route as that way you know that any tax liability your OH would have is properly covered and you dont end up with a huge bill a few years down the line.

It is a huge lifestyle change though and its one that needs to be thought out very very carefully but like ive said the short term pain for the long term gain of setting your family up for life will be worth it in my opinion.

Errata

Money isn't everything but a loving family life is. You would be behaving like a single mum whilst he's away and then a wife and mum when he's back. Your kids will be doing things you can easily tolerate when he's not there and which he may not agree with at all when he's back. Additionally, you both will have to 'get used' to each other all over again once every few weeks and that can also be challenging.
If you didn't have young children I'd say go for it, but you have and their right to the family life they're used to and love has to be taken into consideration.

Lotus-eater

I've worked away from home when my kids were very young, but would I do it in your circumstances, no.
You've got a very reasonable wage coming in anyway, you have absolutely no need to do this.

Alikay

It's a huge sacrifice and a gamble on your family's happiness IMO. It would be different if he had no choice but to work away (HM Forces, local jobs shortage etc), but you have a happy home together, jobs and support around you for childcare etc. Why risk all of that just to buy a property, especially since the housing market is uncertain at the moment? What makes you think you'd be that much better off anyway once he's paid rent for his digs wherever the job is, plus transport costs home at weekend, not to mention all those additional costs you have when a partner works away (need for more reliable/newer cars, dupes of clothing or bedding etc for his digs, phone calls etc).

My DH was in the Army when we first married and now works away a lot due to the type of engineer he is (manages projects in Asia) but was home a lot while the children were young.

Edited to add: Sorry, I can see there won't be many costs with accommodation etc, but bear in mind that a large pay rise will be eroded by tax and possible loss of child benefits, so it won't be as vast an increase as it seems. Also (and I speak from personal experience), for an £80k salary your partners employers will be expecting a LOT from him. The stress may take it's toll, if only with him being very tired at weekends. My DH is on similar and the demands of his position are huge:(

AmandaD28

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I've worked away from home when my kids were very young, but would I do it in your circumstances, no.
You've got a very reasonable wage coming in anyway, you have absolutely no need to do this.

Out of interest can I ask why you wouldn't do it ?

claretmatt

Get a copy of your credit report (credit expert do free trail but remember to cancel.)

This will indicate how long it is until you can get a mainstream or sub mortgage.

Work out the amount you can save each month with him being at home.

Work out the purchase costs; deposit, solicitor, mortgage application, moving and stamp duty which kicks in at £125,000 @ 1%.

If it will take you x years to save up and that equals the years until your credit is clean then you have a tangible plan without him leaving home.

If it is more than 3 years then review options.