Is this a mad idea ???

AmandaD28

OH and I have been together for almost three years now I have two boys from my marriage before I met him and we are expecting our first baby together in Jan (another little boy ).

We currently live in a local authority house rent costs us £76pw atm, we would love to buy a house together I'm 29 and OH is 28 and we both work full time he is an engineer and currently earns £42k per yr and I'm a newly qualified nurse earning about £22k per yr.

The trouble is that both our credit ratings are trashed by debts taken on in previous relationships that we have subsequently been left to deal with alone they are all in hand and almost cleared. The house we currently live in is three bedroomed however the third room is a box room but still we have three rooms.

OH has suggested that when baby is born he goes to work away in a higher paid job £80k per yr and we manage on my wage alone and save this money and buy our own property outright after 3 years we live in the north east and could easily acquire a property for our family with this and it would be ours.

I feel a little apprehensive about it we don't have to worry about childcare costs so we are very lucky in that respect and I could manage the house on that I used to manage it on 15k as a single mummy before I met him with higher outgoings than I currently have but I don't know if this would work or if it is just crazy. There seems to be a shortage of skilled engineers around here and job vacancies for them are frequently unfilled so he wouldn't have an issue getting back into work here after he had been away.

There are loads of considerations though would our relationship survive the distance ? How would he feel leaving me and the kids ?

I really can't make up my mind what I think I love the idea of us owning our own home but I've never been in a relationship where one party is largely absent of course he would be coming home to us frequently I just don't know if the sacrifice is too big to achieve it.

What would be the chances of us obtaining a mortgage on our current salaries if we had a large deposit ? Never had any problems with paying for our home has always been a priority but I'm just so confused !!

Anyone got any advice ? Have you done this or been here ? Is being apart a really bad idea ?

TIA
xx

thatgirlsam

Would you be claiming as a single mother while he worked away, as that would be a fraudulent claim

If you would be just managing on your own then I suppose it could work

I find it a bit sad that people with a combined income of £60,000 odd are taking up a council house but I guess thats a different thread!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Hm I would say the first thing I would do is sort your credit rating out first. This can affect your mortgage.

I would then have a look at what deposit i would need and start saving

Sometimes relationships work well when apart - sometimes they crumble - only you know whether you can survive the space.

Thatgirlsam - it wouldnt be fraud if her OH kept his money and didnt contribute to the house AT ALL - so no joint bank accounts etc. Many "single parents" have partners who dont live with them, dont contribute etc. It's when they partners contribute and move in that it would be fraud.

If her OH is working away then he wouldnt be living there so she would be entitled to the lower council tax.

PLUS - Why should it matter what they earn and whether they have a council house or not?! There is no law that states you MUST buy your own house if you earn XXX - If you actually think about it - it's the people with the working income that pay the majority of the council tax anyway so why on earth shouldnt they be entitled to a council house?!

AmandaD28

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Would you be claiming as a single mother while he worked away, as that would be a fraudulent claim

No certainly not I mean manage on my wage alone !

I guess I opened myself up to the criticism about the council house prior to OH moving in I needed this home now he is here I don't think we do hence all of the talk about moving on the trouble is working out how to do that.

the_cat

Maybe the relationship between the 2 of you could survive, although it will certainly put pressure on it!

Of greater concern to me would be that your OH loses out on seeing and being a full part of his son growing up in the first three years of his life. I appreciate it is a personal thing, but to me no house/long term plan would be enough to give that up for.

podperson

From your OH's point of view he would be missing out a massive part of the first few years of his child's life, that's a big sacrifice to make and I would sincerely ask him if he might regret it later on. Not to mention you would be coping on a much lower income and being basically on your own with 3 children. Only you know how much you want to 'own' your own property but personally I would be prepared to wait a little longer for it and have a more fulfilling family life (that's just personal opinion, I don't want it to come across that I'm criticising your choices). If you could 'manage' on your wage anyway could you not save his current wage? In a year or two that would be a decent deposit and your credit rating will have improved some so should be able to get a mortgage on that. Could he take on any overtime where he is or look at a bit of contract work?

thatgirlsam

AmandaD28 wrote: »

No certainly not I mean manage on my wage alone !

I guess I opened myself up to the criticism about the council house prior to OH moving in I needed this home now he is here I don't think we do hence all of the talk about moving on the trouble is working out how to do that.

Sorry Amanda after I posted that I thought it was quite mean of me, you are obviously thinking of ways to move out

It depends on how strong your relationship is and how committed you both are to making this situ work, I think it could

How long do you envisage him working away for?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

AmandaD28 wrote: »

No certainly not I mean manage on my wage alone !

I guess I opened myself up to the criticism about the council house prior to OH moving in I needed this home now he is here I don't think we do hence all of the talk about moving on the trouble is working out how to do that.

You dont need to justifiy yourself about the council house - AT ALL. I would certainly rather have a single mum who works whilst supporting kids living next to me than some scrounger who is able to work but refuses to (which unfortunatley where i live you get a lot like that!)

thatgirlsam

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Hm I would say the first thing I would do is sort your credit rating out first. This can affect your mortgage.

I would then have a look at what deposit i would need and start saving

Sometimes relationships work well when apart - sometimes they crumble - only you know whether you can survive the space.

Thatgirlsam - it wouldnt be fraud if her OH kept his money and didnt contribute to the house AT ALL - so no joint bank accounts etc. Many "single parents" have partners who dont live with them, dont contribute etc. It's when they partners contribute and move in that it would be fraud.

If her OH is working away then he wouldnt be living there so she would be entitled to the lower council tax.

PLUS - Why should it matter what they earn and whether they have a council house or not?! There is no law that states you MUST buy your own house if you earn XXX - If you actually think about it - it's the people with the working income that pay the majority of the council tax anyway so why on earth shouldnt they be entitled to a council house?!

There is no law no, but morally I find it wrong.. There are families living in hostels and b&b's because of the lack of social housing

I live in a council house and if I earned enough or my sitaution changed so I could afford full rents or a mortgage then I would be out like a shot, trust me

Tish_P

Can you speak to a mortgage or financial advisor so that you know what effect the previous debts are likely to have on your chances, and exactly how much a large deposit will help?

You know better than anyone how you would cope on your own, but long distance relationships are hard enough without having kids and a new baby involved, so if it was me I'd be looking at all the other options first. How portable is your job? Could you all move somewhere where he could find a better job? That might be the better option if you were planning to be a SAHM for a while anyway.

Errata

Three little boys deserve to have a dad that'ss around all the time, especially the two that are on their second dad already. What's wroing with the OH saving all his current wage for six years and buying outright?