Abortion/termination advice *UPDATE - SENSITIVE*

Torry_Quine

thanks for letting us know how things are. If you still feel it would help its never too late for counselling.

lillie_put

that was so heartfelt you are very brave lady, sending you lots hugs n love
congratulations to you an your husband
xxx

amyloofoo

You're very brave to come back and update with your 'real name'. Congratulations on your baby boy and I'm so pleased that you're now in a happier place :grouphug: I think it's quite common to feel initial relief following a termination, but for these feelings to become more complex in the following weeks and months (for other posters, please note that I said common rather than universal). It's sad that truly impartial counselling isn't more readily available (rather than counselling by religious groups pretending to be concerned whilst actually furthering their ideological beliefs), but if you still feel you would benefit then there are a number of places that can help. I understand you received lots of support and PMs following your initial posts so don't want to bombard you with further information, but if you would like details please get in touch.

dibuzz

Thank you for the update and congratulations on your baby boy, I'm glad it turned out well in the end for him.
I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks many years ago and got pregnant again quite quickly.
It's been very difficult at times, I feel guilty when I feel sad about the 1st baby because if he or she had survived I wouldn't have had my son (he was born 6 months after the due date)
I also felt guilty at first that I had "replaced" my lost baby and that having my son meant I had moved on when inside I hadn't.
Sometimes I wish I'd waited longer in between so they would have been completely seperate if that makes sense but we can't change the past.
The main thing is to enjoy your little boy grow up, your other baby will always be part of your family even though he or she isn't here.

heartbreak_star

Thank you for the update! Lots of hugs and congratulations - I too admire you for coming back and updating under your "real" name!

HBS x

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

For the record, posts aren't deleted just because they were reported, they're deleted because it was decided they were against the rules in some way. Don't blame the reporters!

That's not strictly how it happens. This forum isn't moderated. For a post or a thread to be deleted, it has to be reported. If not, the board guides aren't aware there's a problem. If enough people report a post or thread it will be removed.

That's not to say you shouldn't report posts or threads if you find them in some way offensive or inappropriate.

mishkanorman

many thanks for your comments, im not sure brave is the best word to use as at times its all been a bit of a muddle through and a large dose of 'more luck than judgement' but we are now out the other end and able to look back with slightly rose tinted hind-sight !

dibuzz

thanks for sharing your experience, it sums up how i feel pretty well.

Sensible_Jess

Edited as the hurtful comments I responded to have been removed

scottishchick27

Sensible_Jess wrote: »

Edited as the hurtful comments I responded to have been removed

I hope you don't mean mine, as I wasn't being hurtful

LondonDiva

mishkanorman wrote: »

I wasnt offered any kind of counselling and in hindsight I wish someone had stepped in and forced me to go for some rather than taking me at my word that i was ok

Mishkanorman- I know this will have been a really emotional time for you, but wanted to follow up this part of your post as I think there were some contradictory things in it.

You state that you were not offered any kind of counselling and wished they had forced you to undergo some - although you said / gave the impression you were ok.

Particularly given the apparent genetic issues behind the termination, there would have been quite a lot of information and advice available during the discussions before, leaflets offered throughout and details of support afterwards. If you felt they just took your word for it, they must have in someway checked how you were doing / spoken to you afterwards for someone to have taken your 'word' that all was ok.

Counselling, like any type of therapy needs consent and a somewhat receptive mind and you can’t force anyone into it.

Hope you take this as the constructive feed back it was meant to be, but taking grownup decisions about your health also means asking for help or taking up support that’s there and I think it’s important for others in your position not to feel they are passive participants in the process and that anytime afterwards, they are able to take ownership to resolve concerns.

If you do still feel you would benefit from support / counselling the team that arranged the tests and abortion will be able to arrange specialist counselling, or you could contact your GP who can arrange it for you.