Help !! before war breaks out in my house !!

LMCD

I would say as long as she isnt peein the rest of the money up the wall taking reduced rent is fine - if you can afford to do it and you are willing whilst she has the part time job.

If your hubby and dd don't get on though it might just be best that you tell him to belt up in a round about way lol.. like you say its not nice being piggy in the middle!!!

bestpud

janiebaby29 wrote: »

I dont do her laundry , she does it and she knows if shes not home by a certain time , for when i start doing dinner , she doesnt get any , she does some help around the home , not as much as i'd like , but then i cant have everything !
i did raise the issue of her catching up with her full rent , but as she doesnt know WHEN she is going to get another part time job , its a little bit up in the air and she wouldnt be able to save towards getting another flat

To be fair, she's messed up one flat so she's not really in a position to say she should pay less rent so she can save for another...?

I'd expect her to pay at least £30 from a wage of £88, but given her history, I think your OH is talking sense.

bestpud

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

But tenants can get housing benefit if their income is below a certain amount, plus they can move somewhere cheaper if they can't afford the rent longterm. So I don't agree with a fixed rent regardless of income, it's not in keeping with how people live in the real world.

I would suggest charging a percentage of her income, I reckon 20-30% as that's what people tend to spend on their rent/mortgage.

But then she would be hard pushed to rent anywhere, inclusive of bills and meals, for £50 a week!

RadoJo

I have to say, I do see your husband's point of view - if she has earned £88 for two days' work, then £50 would represent 56% of her wages. Assuming that is a fully inclusive amount then it's a fairly realistic proportion of her wages to spend on keeping a roof over her head with all her bills paid, and I would think it's roughly equivalent to the proportion that a lot of people spend on their accommodation.

What is she spending her money on? Is she saving it to afford a place of her own, or is she blowing it all on nights out and fripperies? I don't think it's unreasonable for your husband to expect her to prioritise bed and board over whatever other expenses she has unless she is using her money equally wisely.

janiebaby29

thankyou ever so much for your replies , some really good points there to be said ! OH is currently asleep on sofa as i think he is tired from working 4 nights on the trot !
hope we make up before thursday as its our 6th wedding annivesary !! EEEKKK

Amyrose

So you want to help her out. That’s understandable. But the three of you should discuss it and hopefully come to an arrangement that all three can agree upon as adults. I don’t think it really matters what is agreed upon just that you are all in agreement. At the moment your household is divided. And besides, mums are such a soft touch. Hubby’s input might restore the balance. Surely with some communication and negotiation a compromise can be reach.

Tish_P

If as I understand it he's not her dad it puts the OP in a really awkward piggy in the middle situation. OP, how much do you need the rent money? I've heard several parents on here say they put part or all of their adult children's rent money in a savings account and give it to them when they set up home. Could you negotiate with your OH to, say, charge £40/week but save £20 of it on her behalf? Could you include some chores in her "rent" so she helps out in non-monetary ways?

Whatever happens, I hope you all get it sorted soon. Your daughter is at least working, even if PT is all she can find right now, and trying to be personable. We often hear of a lot worse behaviour on this board!

janiebaby29

hi this is a message from the daughter!!
I value all the points on here both negative and positive.
With regards to the negative i noticed a lot of you are pointing out the fact that I messed up one flat.. As my mum has already explained that situation but none of you seemed to have seen that i thought i'd explain the situation at the time.

I got "overpaid" housing benefits for a time period that I was not on benefits but waiting for a new job to start, for this time period I had absolutely no money and was struggling to survive at home.
the council claimed back that money and put me into about 400 pounds debt. I at the time was not informed of this situation... and went on to my part time job at the time, and gradually started paying that back after wards at a percentage of 25% of my income back then.
With of course the cost of living on top of that, was a struggle.
A year down the line the council have tried to charge me for council tax for the same period, when they contacted me about this the dates stuck out, while doing my crazy shifts at the airport i still managed to find time to get into the bank and order the relevant bank statements in and take the proof into the council, i have since had the council tax bill removed and rebated the money i had been over paid that created my debt in the first place
the reason I got kicked out was because i missed two payments at the price that had been set due to unforeseen personal circumstances.

I completely understand that the cost of living outside the family home is way higher. I DID live out on my own from the age of 16 for almost 5 years I had to juggle my bills/costs and many times starved because things had to be paid. So forgive me if i seem a bit abrupt but I find it quite hurtful to see people assume that I was just !!!!ing my money away! when for weeks i had lived on either jacket potatoes [plain] or homemade chips or smart price noodles.. or even just nothing.

I have offered at the current time to continue with the 20 pounds a week that i have been paying. As of just starting my job at a small business i didn't particularly wanna push my new boss into telling me information about my pay.. but because of this mornings argument I had to speak to her about it for my own purpose's and to save WW3 kicking off in my house..
I now wil be getting paid monthly, but as a compromise for all parties have asked to to inform me what i have earned after all taxes [if any considering its part time] have been taken and then i can inform my parents and we will work out each week what is suitable.. i have already put forward the number 30 if i get paid more than 88..

And for the people that asked what i generally spend my money on. I'll be completely honest yes i do treat myself occasionally, if i go out i will take my boyfriend out who over the time period that i have been unemployed has paid for many nights out.. so i feel its only fair i do the same.. although proportionately.

However i do still have a few debts that i have to pay before i can even start saving for a flat deposit, and luckily i wont have to do this on my own as financially it makes sense to move in with my boyfriend.
but debts come first.

and just to point out.. out of my rebate i have rung up two of the companies i owe money to with the intention of paying back all or if not some of the remaining balance.. however one has been paid [presumeably by my ex who helped run that bill up] and the other the details have been lost.. So unfortunately i cant pay that either!!
So instead of being able to pay that off and the friends and family i have had to borrow from to be able to get to work for the full time job - which proved too expensive anyway- I'm just paying all my debts to people.

which for the first time in over a year i will actually have some substantial money to do something with!!

Thank you for all the positive comments, i'm trying to do the best i can when it comes to housework and such but i'm still adjusting to a lot of my time being taken up!! I'm always striving to improve and i just think a major problem here has been communication.

Thank you for your time, i look forward to your replies

Steph

melancholly

maybe take the full £50 from her and put £25 away to give to her at a later date as a deposit. i can see both sides - your OH doesn't want her to take you for a ride and you see her really trying. maybe there's history or it's just about her being your daughter, but you're seeing the best while he sees the worst. perhaps the ideal solution is one where you both compromise? maybe remind your OH that she'll be staying around a lot longer if she can't save?!

make_me_wise

janiebaby29 wrote: »

My 21 yr old daughter has been back with us since March , as she had to move out of her flat for non payment of rent ! she has since found a partime job and has been to loads of interviews and has high hopes of landing another one very soon .
before this job she did try a full time job at Stansted airport but it was impratical , due to timings and expensive fares

we did have a chat a while ago and she agreed to pay us 50 quid a week rent from this fulltime job , as she has a partime job now , she says its not pratical to pay this , which i kinda agree with .
she has said that once she ands another partime job she will pay 50 quid a week .

the probelm im having is my husband who is her stepdad feels that i am going back on my word and giving into her and is being a bit childish and isnt talking to me !!
any advice ??

I actually agree with your husband. She couldn't live anywhere else for £50 a week, part time job or not. Bare in mind this minimum amount covers her rent, her contirbution to all your household bills, food, getting her washing done, being able to iron her clothes etc etc.

I think its never to early to give young adults a reality check with the outside world. If it means till she finds full time work, that in order to cover her very small rent to you, that she cant buy new clothes or go out as much as she wants so be it. Thats living in the real world for you isn't it.