Help !! before war breaks out in my house !!

dirtysexymonkey

did your daughter leaving home at 16 have anything to do with your oh? i think it might have done.

your OH sounds like someone i would cross the street to avoid. hes happy to run your daughter out of her home (im assuming, please correct if wrong) and sponge off of you for six months, but then throws a paddy when your child is in need of your help. id be telling him that until hes paid back six months household contributions to you that he can shut his face and one more word and hed be out of the door.

your daughter sounds very mature and sensible and shes dealing with her mental stepdad in the very best way. if i were her i think id have lamped him! so you should be very proud of her!

balletshoes

make_me_wise wrote: »

Interesting point of view. Why would you have starved to pay your own way? Would it have been a pride thing and to prove you could do it all by yourself or did you have no choice? This is not a dig or one upmanship, I am just curious as to why you would need to go to that extreme.

I understand the "going it alone" point of view - I moved out at 18, got my own place, visited/was in contact with my parents very regularly but would never have told them if I was struggling for money etc. I have a great relationship with them, my thoughts were it was up to me to sort myself out, not my parents job anymore, I was an adult. I guess I would actually have to have had no food in the house for more than a couple of days, no money for the electric meter, etc before I would have gone to my parents and asked for help. None of those things would actually hurt me for a couple of days as a healthy (but broke) 18-year old .

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

I'm not at all ashamed to say that I've had to go home to mum and dad's twice as an adult safe and secure in the knowledge that I would always be welcomed with open arms and given the time and support I need to get back on my feet.

If any of my parents or siblings are ever in a tricky situation and I am in a position to help them I will do the same. Because, well, I love them.

Parent =/= landlord just because they own the house, its ridiculous trying to reduce the relationship to that level.

OP, if I were you I'd let your daughter stay rent free.

ooh I was agreeing with you right up to that last sentence . If she's working, she should be contributing.

FBaby

I find this post very sad. Steph, you are ONLY 21yo, and to me, you seem quite mature and responsible for your age. Ok, you still something to learn about responsibilities, like all 21yo, but you are clearly showing that you are prepared to be fair and reasonable.

What I find sad is that there could be such an atmosphere in the house for the sake of a few ££ a week. Our children are our children always will be, and as long as they don't take us parents for granted, isn't it our responsibility to help out when help is required. Ok, so the stepdad is not the dad and I can respect that, but again, to make such a fuss for the sake of a few pounds, it just doesn't seem worth it.

Steph, what you need to do is show (ie. prove) that you intend and ARE responsible. Show that you are looking for another part-time job as really, as a single person with no dependants, you should be working full-time, that you contribute reasonably towards your debts before enjoying your earnings, and help around the house with cleaning etc... As soon as you earn more, make the suggestion of offering 25% of what your new wage is. It sounds to me like your stepdad doesn't trust your intention and want to 'teach you a lesson'. Prove him wrong!!

happyhaddock_2

Hi, it seems to me that your husband is being very inflexible and quite pigheaded. As the mother of an 18 year old who has just started claiming JSA we agreed that he would only contribute £15 a week to be re-assessed when and if he gets a job. I think it's a bit unrealistic, and unfair to expect to still be given a higher proportion of their wage, and if it were me I'd be telling my husband that in no uncertain terms. Good luck x

blunther

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

did your daughter leaving home at 16 have anything to do with your oh? i think it might have done.

your OH sounds like someone i would cross the street to avoid. hes happy to run your daughter out of her home (im assuming, please correct if wrong) and sponge off of you for six months, but then throws a paddy when your child is in need of your help. id be telling him that until hes paid back six months household contributions to you that he can shut his face and one more word and hed be out of the door.

your daughter sounds very mature and sensible and shes dealing with her mental stepdad in the very best way. if i were her i think id have lamped him! so you should be very proud of her!

Exactly this.

Lotus-eater

make_me_wise wrote: »

Interesting point of view. Why would you have starved to pay your own way? Would it have been a pride thing and to prove you could do it all by yourself or did you have no choice? This is not a dig or one upmanship, I am just curious as to why you would need to go to that extreme.

balletshoes wrote: »

I understand the "going it alone" point of view - I moved out at 18, got my own place, visited/was in contact with my parents very regularly but would never have told them if I was struggling for money etc. I have a great relationship with them, my thoughts were it was up to me to sort myself out, not my parents job anymore, I was an adult. I guess I would actually have to have had no food in the house for more than a couple of days, no money for the electric meter, etc before I would have gone to my parents and asked for help. None of those things would actually hurt me for a couple of days as a healthy (but broke) 18-year old .

Exactly that, pride, I've always been very independent.
I did fall out with my parents, which is why I struggled to leave home as soon as I could.
But also I knew I could have always gone back there if I was in dire straights and they would have taken me in, although the atmosphere would have been a little strained

And at the time I didn't think it was that extreme, I've always been into living off the land and survival stuff, it was just like going back a couple of generations and living like that for me.
Compared to that now, I live in luxury Even though my family thinks I live in a rural backwater with no amenities I've got central heating if I need it, hot water, an indoor loo, dishwasher, washing machine, a cooker you don't have to light, but you actually turn a button and it works straight off! Double glazing, a big king sized bed and a vegetable plot that is all mine.
I am rich beyond my wildest younger dreams

janiebaby29

thanks again for the responces , yeah i guess my husband is being stubborn Grr , just glad that Im a woman !!

janiebaby29

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Exactly that, pride, I've always been very independent.
I did fall out with my parents, which is why I struggled to leave home as soon as I could.
But also I knew I could have always gone back there if I was in dire straights and they would have taken me in, although the atmosphere would have been a little strained

And at the time I didn't think it was that extreme, I've always been into living off the land and survival stuff, it was just like going back a couple of generations and living like that for me.
Compared to that now, I live in luxury Even though my family thinks I live in a rural backwater with no amenities I've got central heating if I need it, hot water, an indoor loo, dishwasher, washing machine, a cooker you don't have to light, but you actually turn a button and it works straight off! Double glazing, a big king sized bed and a vegetable plot that is all mine.
I am rich beyond my wildest younger dreams

thats just like DD , she had to swallow her pride and move back

its just that sometimes she does treat this home like it was her old place and ive said you have to live under our roof our way !

this is where OH and her clash a lot !!

Lotus-eater

janiebaby29 wrote: »

thats just like DD , she had to swallow her pride and move back

its just that sometimes she does treat this home like it was her old place and ive said you have to live under our roof our way !

this is where OH and her clash a lot !!

Yes she does have to live in your way, but you have to understand that you now have a fully independent woman living under your roof, not the teenager that was before.
You all have to be more flexible. Something my parents could never learn.