Help !! before war breaks out in my house !!

janiebaby29

hello , i did allow my daughter to read the replies and she felt it warrented a reply from her .

shes taken both viewpoints as i have , she doesnt want her stepdad upset at all and we are not ganging up on him at all . i wanted to see how other people think and deal with this situation

Amyrose

aliasojo,

Then I apologise it was meant to be helpful to Steph and encourage her to create an account and continue in the conversation.

lostinrates

I write as someone who has lived with parents.

Because life changes, if you were not at home, rent/bills/costs don't change. If you are lucky enough to have flexible parentds reduction might be possible, but IMO, it shouldn't be half the agreed rate but rather more (think of earnings as bread and butter money and ''jam'' money and while income is low then there is no jam)

IMO, its setting poor prioritisation to go out and treat boyfriend atm, while leaving tension between step father and mother over money.

Finally re housework: if you were living a lone on a part time income you would have time to keep everywhere you lived clean. The shame should apply in your parents home ESPECIALLY while paying a reduced rent: weight should be being pulled as much as it would in your own place with no one else to share the burden of it plus, IMO, a little extra to cover the reduction in agreed rent.

janiebaby29

Hi this is DD again - Steph

@ amyrose, i havent set up an account purely because of the fact that this pc is mum's domain, i'm lucky for her to allow me this atm so forgive me but I simply only have enough time at once to reply.

and on top of that, i wasn't willing to "jack in" a full time job at all, but considering the circumstances, i stuck it out as long as i could afford to, and didn't intend to leave unless i had another job to go to.. which i did.. the DAY after i handed in my notice at the airport.
i have since worked any hours possible at the photo studio.

i've to talk gently to my stepdad, both this morning to both of parents, letting them know exactly when i can pay my current debt to them off [gave them 21 this morning] am getting out 45 for them tonight] and when my check goes through tues/weds i shall pay them on the day that i would owe them housekeep again.

And as soon as i got in from work and he woke up i approached him away from my mum and tried to ask for his opinion and any way we could all compromise.
Unfortunately hes a stubborn man and is still annoyed so i didn't get anywhere. Just requires time where he is concerned.

I have pointed out a few times, that as soon as i have adjusted to working and i have extra time i will put way more of an effort than i currently can in the house.

This week is also my nans 70th and all my spare time is going into scanning over 70 years worth of photos in to project on a screen at her party - and also to create a photo book for her christmas present [as i am a photographer and a general computer geek its the perfect sideline for me and im the best equipped with the correct knowledge in the family to do it] i have a deadline of thurs night to put everything back in its correct place!!
My life normally isnt this hectic!! i promise! lol!!

thank you all for your comments!!

bestpud

There has to be a happy medium here...

How about meeting half way - so paying £35 a week?

That still leaves money for spends and it's a compromise for your OH (who does have a point)...

Amyrose

janiebaby29 wrote: »

Hi this is DD again - Steph

@ amyrose, i havent set up an account purely because of the fact that this pc is mum's domain, i'm lucky for her to allow me this atm so forgive me but I simply only have enough time at once to reply.

I meant no offence. Your reply on your mum’s account took me by surprise and I responded without giving due care and thought to what was posted.

I realise things are not going so well and you are all most likely doing the very best you can with the situation.

I really do wish you well.

aliasojo

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I moved out at 17 and would also have starved to pay my own way. In fact I often near did, ate road kill for meat if you must know

I moved out at 16, got my own rented place and starved for days. :rotfl:Eventually dug up tatties from the local farmer's field and lived off mash and chips for a few more days, whilst telling Mum I was fine.

Sorry. That's got nothing to do with anything. :rotfl:

make_me_wise

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I don't think it is at all and she sounds a remarkably sane young woman, with her head screwed on the right way.

I moved out at 17 and would also have starved to pay my own way. In fact I often near did, ate road kill for meat if you must know

She should pay what she should afford if she has a certain wage, doesn't waste any money and is genuine about getting a decent job and working at it, which she seems to be.

Interesting point of view. Why would you have starved to pay your own way? Would it have been a pride thing and to prove you could do it all by yourself or did you have no choice? This is not a dig or one upmanship, I am just curious as to why you would need to go to that extreme.

Person_one

I'm not at all ashamed to say that I've had to go home to mum and dad's twice as an adult safe and secure in the knowledge that I would always be welcomed with open arms and given the time and support I need to get back on my feet.

If any of my parents or siblings are ever in a tricky situation and I am in a position to help them I will do the same. Because, well, I love them.

Parent =/= landlord just because they own the house, its ridiculous trying to reduce the relationship to that level.

OP, if I were you I'd let your daughter stay rent free.

dark_lady

janiebaby29 wrote: »

She is and he cant see it !! its so frustrating ! i know they dont get on at the best of times but even so !! grrr !! ive even brought up the fact that all my wages went on supporting us for 6 months this year until he found a job !!

I think your husband is being a bit hypocritical to be honest.