Help !! before war breaks out in my house !!

LMCD

janiebaby29 wrote: »

hi this is a message from the daughter!!
I value all the points on here both negative and positive.
With regards to the negative i noticed a lot of you are pointing out the fact that I messed up one flat.. As my mum has already explained that situation but none of you seemed to have seen that i thought i'd explain the situation at the time.

I got "overpaid" housing benefits for a time period that I was not on benefits but waiting for a new job to start, for this time period I had absolutely no money and was struggling to survive at home.
the council claimed back that money and put me into about 400 pounds debt. I at the time was not informed of this situation... and went on to my part time job at the time, and gradually started paying that back after wards at a percentage of 25% of my income back then.
With of course the cost of living on top of that, was a struggle.
A year down the line the council have tried to charge me for council tax for the same period, when they contacted me about this the dates stuck out, while doing my crazy shifts at the airport i still managed to find time to get into the bank and order the relevant bank statements in and take the proof into the council, i have since had the council tax bill removed and rebated the money i had been over paid that created my debt in the first place
the reason I got kicked out was because i missed two payments at the price that had been set due to unforeseen personal circumstances.

I completely understand that the cost of living outside the family home is way higher. I DID live out on my own from the age of 16 for almost 5 years I had to juggle my bills/costs and many times starved because things had to be paid. So forgive me if i seem a bit abrupt but I find it quite hurtful to see people assume that I was just !!!!ing my money away! when for weeks i had lived on either jacket potatoes [plain] or homemade chips or smart price noodles.. or even just nothing.

I have offered at the current time to continue with the 20 pounds a week that i have been paying. As of just starting my job at a small business i didn't particularly wanna push my new boss into telling me information about my pay.. but because of this mornings argument I had to speak to her about it for my own purpose's and to save WW3 kicking off in my house..
I now wil be getting paid monthly, but as a compromise for all parties have asked to to inform me what i have earned after all taxes [if any considering its part time] have been taken and then i can inform my parents and we will work out each week what is suitable.. i have already put forward the number 30 if i get paid more than 88..

And for the people that asked what i generally spend my money on. I'll be completely honest yes i do treat myself occasionally, if i go out i will take my boyfriend out who over the time period that i have been unemployed has paid for many nights out.. so i feel its only fair i do the same.. although proportionately.

However i do still have a few debts that i have to pay before i can even start saving for a flat deposit, and luckily i wont have to do this on my own as financially it makes sense to move in with my boyfriend.
but debts come first.

and just to point out.. out of my rebate i have rung up two of the companies i owe money to with the intention of paying back all or if not some of the remaining balance.. however one has been paid [presumeably by my ex who helped run that bill up] and the other the details have been lost.. So unfortunately i cant pay that either!!
So instead of being able to pay that off and the friends and family i have had to borrow from to be able to get to work for the full time job - which proved too expensive anyway- I'm just paying all my debts to people.

which for the first time in over a year i will actually have some substantial money to do something with!!

Thank you for all the positive comments, i'm trying to do the best i can when it comes to housework and such but i'm still adjusting to a lot of my time being taken up!! I'm always striving to improve and i just think a major problem here has been communication.

Thank you for your time, i look forward to your replies

Steph

Good luck for finding another part time job and sorting out your debts before you move out and live in your own place again, best to start off on the clean slate and in a better financial state which am sure a lot of us wish we could do.

seems you got your head screwed on. credit where credits due.

Amyrose

janiebaby29 wrote: »

hi this is a message from the daughter!!
I value all the points on here both negative and positive.
With regards to the negative i noticed a lot of you are pointing out the fact that I messed up one flat.. As my mum has already explained that situation but none of you seemed to have seen that i thought i'd explain the situation at the time.

I got "overpaid" housing benefits for a time period that I was not on benefits but waiting for a new job to start, for this time period I had absolutely no money and was struggling to survive at home.
the council claimed back that money and put me into about 400 pounds debt. I at the time was not informed of this situation... and went on to my part time job at the time, and gradually started paying that back after wards at a percentage of 25% of my income back then.
With of course the cost of living on top of that, was a struggle.
A year down the line the council have tried to charge me for council tax for the same period, when they contacted me about this the dates stuck out, while doing my crazy shifts at the airport i still managed to find time to get into the bank and order the relevant bank statements in and take the proof into the council, i have since had the council tax bill removed and rebated the money i had been over paid that created my debt in the first place
the reason I got kicked out was because i missed two payments at the price that had been set due to unforeseen personal circumstances.

I completely understand that the cost of living outside the family home is way higher. I DID live out on my own from the age of 16 for almost 5 years I had to juggle my bills/costs and many times starved because things had to be paid. So forgive me if i seem a bit abrupt but I find it quite hurtful to see people assume that I was just !!!!ing my money away! when for weeks i had lived on either jacket potatoes [plain] or homemade chips or smart price noodles.. or even just nothing.

I have offered at the current time to continue with the 20 pounds a week that i have been paying. As of just starting my job at a small business i didn't particularly wanna push my new boss into telling me information about my pay.. but because of this mornings argument I had to speak to her about it for my own purpose's and to save WW3 kicking off in my house..
I now wil be getting paid monthly, but as a compromise for all parties have asked to to inform me what i have earned after all taxes [if any considering its part time] have been taken and then i can inform my parents and we will work out each week what is suitable.. i have already put forward the number 30 if i get paid more than 88..

And for the people that asked what i generally spend my money on. I'll be completely honest yes i do treat myself occasionally, if i go out i will take my boyfriend out who over the time period that i have been unemployed has paid for many nights out.. so i feel its only fair i do the same.. although proportionately.

However i do still have a few debts that i have to pay before i can even start saving for a flat deposit, and luckily i wont have to do this on my own as financially it makes sense to move in with my boyfriend.
but debts come first.

and just to point out.. out of my rebate i have rung up two of the companies i owe money to with the intention of paying back all or if not some of the remaining balance.. however one has been paid [presumeably by my ex who helped run that bill up] and the other the details have been lost.. So unfortunately i cant pay that either!!
So instead of being able to pay that off and the friends and family i have had to borrow from to be able to get to work for the full time job - which proved too expensive anyway- I'm just paying all my debts to people.

which for the first time in over a year i will actually have some substantial money to do something with!!

Thank you for all the positive comments, i'm trying to do the best i can when it comes to housework and such but i'm still adjusting to a lot of my time being taken up!! I'm always striving to improve and i just think a major problem here has been communication.

Thank you for your time, i look forward to your replies

Steph

Steph,

I have been involved in many forums and I don't think I'm wrong when I say that your post is inappropriate.

When we reply, we reply to what your mum posted. We have no way of knowing all the circumstances.

It's my own view that if you want to participate in this conversation you should sign up for an account and put your own view of things.

I wish you the very best and I hope things work out for you.

melancholly

Amyrose wrote: »

Steph,

I have been involved in many forums and I don't think I'm wrong when I say that your post is inappropriate.

When we reply, we reply to what your mum posted. We have no way of knowing all the circumstances.

It's my own view that if you want to participate in this conversation you should sign up for an account and put your own view of things.

I wish you the very best and I hope things work out for you.

i guess i'm uncomfortable with the impression that the daughter and mother are trying to gang up on the step father........ that doesn't sit well with me.

j.e.j.

I am sensing there's more to this than just the 'rent' money. Does her stepfather resent her being around, in general?

rachbc

how about she pays half the rent and the other in x no of hours housework - if its £25 then 5 hours...

make_me_wise

j.e.j. wrote: »

I am sensing there's more to this than just the 'rent' money. Does her stepfather resent her being around, in general?

I agree, 16 is incredibly young to have first left home. When the daughter advised us that at times she has almost starved to survive I found that very disturbing.

At 16 I was living at home with my parents studying for A levels. I paid my way as soon as I got a job. I never ended up in the dire straits the OPs daughter describes but if I had been on my uppers and unable to feed myself properly I know I could have turned to my parents. I dont get the impression, from what is written by the daughter, that this was the case for her. This thread is quite bizarre.

Mojisola

janiebaby29 wrote: »

I dont do her laundry , she does it and she knows if shes not home by a certain time , for when i start doing dinner , she doesnt get any , she does some help around the home , not as much as i'd like , but then i cant have everything !
i did raise the issue of her catching up with her full rent , but as she doesnt know WHEN she is going to get another part time job , its a little bit up in the air and she wouldnt be able to save towards getting another flat

Why not? She's living in your house and being financially supported by you, she should be doing more than her share of the housework.

If she's not happy to pull her weight, I can see why your other half is insisting she finds the cash.

Kay_Peel

it strikes me that the husband resents the fact that daughter jacked in a good full-time job because of the inconvenience and other hurdles.

Lotus-eater

make_me_wise wrote: »

I agree, 16 is incredibly young to have first left home. When the daughter advised us that at times she has almost starved to survive I found that very disturbing.

At 16 I was living at home with my parents studying for A levels. I paid my way as soon as I got a job. I never ended up in the dire straits the OPs daughter describes but if I had been on my uppers and unable to feed myself properly I know I could have turned to my parents. I dont get the impression, from what is written by the daughter, that this was the case for her. This thread is quite bizarre.

I don't think it is at all and she sounds a remarkably sane young woman, with her head screwed on the right way.

I moved out at 17 and would also have starved to pay my own way. In fact I often near did, ate road kill for meat if you must know

She should pay what she should afford if she has a certain wage, doesn't waste any money and is genuine about getting a decent job and working at it, which she seems to be.

aliasojo

Amyrose wrote: »

Steph,

I have been involved in many forums and I don't think I'm wrong when I say that your post is inappropriate.

I think your post is inappropriate tbh. Many threads here start off with one person posting then another adding in. It's not always the way but it's how how some discussions evolve. If the OP's daughter had posted under the Mum's name without telling us, then that of course would be different, but that wasn't the case, she was honest about who she was at the start of her post so it makes no difference what the name on the post was.

I also think it's a bit off for someone who has just joined us to be telling others their post is inappropriate, when really, that's just a matter of opinion.

OP, with regard to the original question, the £50 was agreed on a full time wage, not a part time one. Re-assess the situation.

As for your OH, I suspect he is making decisions with his feelings rather than his brain. If there are any kind of issues between him and her then perhaps that's why he makes the decisions he does.

I suspect Kay Peel may have a point with her comment above.

Fairness in all things.