9 yr about to be excluded again :(

plumduff-2

Carrera74 wrote:

Yes found the link - thanks anyway

I think school think as I'm bringing my OH then he should be allowed to bring his.

He doesnt have PR so it is not up to the school to make these decisions... what if you ahd seperated due to domestic violence.. they could be outting you and child at risk..

He has not got PR, so the school cannot tell you he is coming... so if I was you I would contact them and say you want a new meeting arranging and that only those with PR (you) and anyone who YOU invite....!

gravitytolls

It sounds to me like you're doing a grand job, with inconsistent support.

Janepig's advice sounds spot on. Stick to your guns, get advice from CAB in handling the ex if tries to cut up rough about access.

Maybe see your GP if you need more support with the past and teh present, possibly family counselling would help?

Re. the school, I think both they, you and your son need support from the educational psycholigist, and sooner rather than later. Action fast is what's needed, before his reputation precedes him.

I too feel very sorry for the other children in the class. As a mother of a child who behaved badly at school, I know how awful you feel. As a mother who's child was a victim of dreadfully poor behaviour in class for several years, I know how awful other mum's are feeling about it, and how this must make you feel.

You shouldn't have to fight for your righ tto help, but follow your instincts, you know him best, and it sounds like you're pretty spot on, and insist on more support.
Be very open with all the professionals who want to help your son achieve his potential, and I assure you, that they will do whatever they can.

Good luck pet, I really feel that you're going to both come through this and be OOK.

Carrera74

I've just come from a meeting with the Head at school.

I told her about his Dad not having PR and she said he has rights and if they withhold information they could get in trouble! As I don't want to cancel next weeks meeting I think the easiest thing is to put on my brave face and just let them come but ensure that in future it is my decision whether he attends or not. I'm still mad about his gf coming but my OH is coming and I can't be bothered with him kicking off. I've enough to worry about at the moment.

I had a chat with my son this morning too and I asked if his dad and gf argue and if he has ever been horrid to her and hit her if he has lost his temper. He replied that her son tells my son that he has in the past but not for a long time!!! She came out of a violent relationship and straight to my ex. She has said once that she would never put herself or son through that again but it seems she is. My son said they haven't argued since Halloween when I had to go round to pick him up.

I'm going to ring the Education Welfare today and also my solicitor to check about what rights he has, if any.

plumduff-2

Sounds the school dont know anything about legal responsibilty and PR to me..

You could always phone the LEA and speak to one of the staff there, inform them that your ex with no PR has been asked to attend a meeting and you do not want him there.. but its up to you really... if you feel that his presence there would put you at a disadvantage - ie that you felt you would be able to open and unfront about things, then pursue this matter...

You could always pring off the information about PR and show the Head... as I said, what would happen if they did this to someone else in a similar position and they reason for seperation was due to domestic violence - potentially there actions and ignorance could result in further abuse....

Carrera74

The reason we split was domestic violence and they are aware of that too!

I've left a message with CAMHS to get back to me as the school have said the PRU co-ordinator isn't attending the meeting on Tuesday now. Funny that because they told me last week that I needed to sign the PRU referral form or they wouldn't attend so I signed it. The whole point of the meeting was to speak to the PRU and CAMHS to see where to go next.

Even if I kick up a fuss with the Head about the ex not having PR and that I don't want him there at the meeting he will still turn up with his gf in tow. I'm dreading Tuesday

andyrules

Hi Carrera
I do think you should contact your solicitor about your ex oh's rights to attend. I can't see how on earth gf is entitled to attend (I would question her, and his, motives here), and hopefully you can stop that one at least. It seems to be a very grey area in terms of legislation, but I must confess to not knowing that much! Here is a link which provides some information, and maybe it would be worth contacting the 'families division' mentioned?

http://www.dfes.gov.uk/publications/guidanceonthelaw/dfeepub/jun00/050600/index.htm

I'm aware that solicitors charge a lot, but you may be able to claim through you household policy if you have the extra 'legal' bit.

Hope you are OK, at least it's the weekend! Do something lighthearted with DS and give yourselves a break.
xx

Carrera74

Thanks for the link. I'll have a read up and will contact my solicitor first thing Monday. I've contacted them before when we first split as ex oh was threatening to pick our son up from school and I'm sure they said he had no rights at all. I'll double check though and get it in writing so I can show the Head that's if it still stands like that.

My ex said he wants his gf there as they manage our sons behaviour together. Sounds positive but I know what he and her are like. I've spoken to them both before about his behaviour and asked them to use the strategies that me and my oh learnt at the parenting classes so he has routine and consistency and they both said he's fine when he's there and they don't think there's a problem, I wrap him in cotton wool and need to let him have a childhood!!??!!! Maybe them both being there might open their eyes to the problems they are causing with their parenting skills.

And yes it's the weekend I thought about going out to take our minds off what is going on but OH doesn't want to as thinks that's showing the wrong impression to my little munchkin. I can see his point of view but if we dwell on his bad behaviour and stay stuck in all weekend he'll just get bored and no doubt pull a tantrum anyway. What fun and games!!

andyrules

Hi Carrera

Did you check your household policy for free legal advice? There might be a 24hr helpline where you can get the information, and still see your solicitor if need be.

Yes, you have a point about oh/gf learning how to manage ds (or in their case how NOT to manage him). Hard on you though, although you can smirk about how well rid of him you are. If it turns out that they do not have automatic rights to attend the meeting, then it would be YOUR choice to let them go, not them overriding you. See the difference?

Shame about not going out, i was thinking of it more from you and oh benefit rather than munchkin. You must be well in need of a break!

Good luck, Tues, let me know any developments.

Cheers xx

Carrera74

I've been trying to get through to the insurance helpline all yesterday and this morning for another matter but it's constantly engaged. I'll have to have a nosey for my policy and have a nosey

Yes I see the point about it being my choice and not them overiding me - it will make a difference to me to know that I am in control of this and not them

Thanks for the good luck and I'll be back on here Tuesday no doubt hopefully full of positives and not negatives.

Thanks again xx

Pobby

Oh heck.I have the same problem with my 15 year old God son.Always on detention,gets excluded from school.He suffers from dyslexia so has a very poor grasp of reading and writing.He has some temper issues as well.The school have pretty much given up on him and I am not certain that his parents are seeing the enormity of his problems.He is a child that is given many material things.

I am not sure it was a very good idea that from about 9 years old he was allowed to play 18 certificated violent computer games.I am very concerned with what we can do.Recently he managed to get into his parents safe and he stole £300.It won`t be long before he is in trouble with the police.

It is hard to no where to start as he shows no obvious talent.Any thoughts would be well received.