9 yr about to be excluded again :(

D&DD

*passes C a ciggie*
Aw hun I really feel for you I read some of your thread yesterday but never got time to post.Hang in there it took us a long time to get our son diagnosed through CAMHS but we got there in the end.Hopefully they will be able to help you all.Just wanted to say you're not alone :grouphug:
Meanwhile later when he calms down and you feel able to talk to him go through his day and see if you can identify any triggers to his behaviour.With our son our key is avoiding (hopefully) any situations which we know will trigger things.Best of luck to you I do so know how difficult it is with school..

plumduff-2

God I feel for you...

I read your post but not the replies sorry - no time...

You need to ensure what the schools policy is for dealing with troubles children.. Do they have pastoral support... you should contact the LEA and ask them what other policies are avialable in your area in order to help your son..

I went through something sililar last year, although my son was 14... he was permanently excluded int he end.. The thing is there is always a reason.. either your son is suffering from something like ADHD or dyslexia... have you checked this out, contact your health visitor before your GP...

Or, as you indicate, he is unhappy at his Dads... My son, was unhappy with his school... and I ignored it to a degree, putting it down to teenage angst...

Anyway... please mither and mother your LEA, I didnt contact them once when the suspensions were made, thinking they would side with the school. However, when I contacted them when the school were to permanently exclude him, they were absolutely fabulous... Gave me loads of support and hints and tips...

My son did get perm. excluded, we didnt fight this at the meeting, instead reading up on what policies are available to schools to deal with children with problems I realised that the school had severly failed in their dealings with him and as such we put in a complaint and asked them to speed up the exclusion... as we had lost faith in the school..

So contact LEA and contact your health visitor / GP...

Further dont worry about him getting excluded and having to go to the Pupil Refferal Unit... My son now attends our local PRU and they are absolutely fantastic and it is taught on a more one to one level... which is great...

Due to my sons age - he is staying at PRU til he finishes school, but seeing as all the teaching there think he is wonderful, im more than happy with that, as it means a happier more content child...

Good luck...

Petal_3

Hi there

I have a 4yr old son and just cannot imagine how I would cope in your situation. Can I ask...how long has he been behaving like this?

~x~

Carrera74

plumduff-2 wrote:

God I feel for you...

I read your post but not the replies sorry - no time...

You need to ensure what the schools policy is for dealing with troubles children.. Do they have pastoral support... you should contact the LEA and ask them what other policies are avialable in your area in order to help your son..

I went through something sililar last year, although my son was 14... he was permanently excluded int he end.. The thing is there is always a reason.. either your son is suffering from something like ADHD or dyslexia... have you checked this out, contact your health visitor before your GP...

Or, as you indicate, he is unhappy at his Dads... My son, was unhappy with his school... and I ignored it to a degree, putting it down to teenage angst...

Anyway... please mither and mother your LEA, I didnt contact them once when the suspensions were made, thinking they would side with the school. However, when I contacted them when the school were to permanently exclude him, they were absolutely fabulous... Gave me loads of support and hints and tips...

My son did get perm. excluded, we didnt fight this at the meeting, instead reading up on what policies are available to schools to deal with children with problems I realised that the school had severly failed in their dealings with him and as such we put in a complaint and asked them to speed up the exclusion... as we had lost faith in the school..

So contact LEA and contact your health visitor / GP...

Further dont worry about him getting excluded and having to go to the Pupil Refferal Unit... My son now attends our local PRU and they are absolutely fantastic and it is taught on a more one to one level... which is great...

Due to my sons age - he is staying at PRU til he finishes school, but seeing as all the teaching there think he is wonderful, im more than happy with that, as it means a happier more content child...

Good luck...

Hi there

I've requested on numerous occasions the school behavioural policy but I am yet to receive it. Thanks for your advice I will contact the LEA tomorrow - I'm too tearful still to do anything today. We had a visit before Christmas from the Education Welfare Officer and she was lovely but unfortunately only temporary and we never heard from her again. I may try that office too to see if they can help.

I have heard tales of the PRU so it's good to hear your side - the Head called it a special school in front of him so he is wary of it too.

Carrera74

Petal wrote:

Hi there

I have a 4yr old son and just cannot imagine how I would cope in your situation. Can I ask...how long has he been behaving like this?

~x~

He's always been a bit of a handful when I think back but always put it down to him being a lad. When I was with his Dad I was really soft - if he cried I would pick him up or if he wanted something I would give it him as his Dad would kick off if my son was being noisey and I would do anything to stop rows although there would always be something else I wasn't doing right:o Things escalated when I tried to put a routine in place after I managed to get away from him but with the help of my parenting classes I got him into a routine and things evened out. It wasn't until last July that he started being disruptive in class although we'd had days he refused to go in or refused me to leave him there. Things improved then went downhill again at Halloween last year after an incident at his Dads. I stopped access he evened out after about 3 weeks then access started and it's been hell ever since and getting worse

andyrules

sorry to hear about today.

I think your school have gone way beyond anything they can deal with using strategies, counting up to 5 is clearly inflaming the situation.

I still think that this is basically down to his relationship with his dad. You were the peace keeper when he was small, now it seems his life has changed beyond recognition. His dad is busy with new family, and you have begun to set boundaries. Additionally, there's a small possibility that he has his own demons if he does happen to be on the ASD spectrum. He is a world apart from his peers. He may perceive that you too have a new life (and that's not meant to be a criticism, just trying to see his perspective.)

I really think the time has come for an outside agency to give you the support you need, and not just occasional meetings. Please visit your GP and lay it on the line. Also, make it clear how stressed you are.

Get some help, shout out and be a nuisance. See your GP, change if no joy, as another poster said, mither your LEA.

Let your lad know that you acknowledge his distress and are doing everything you can to get help. Even if he's hard to get through to, he will take something in. He will remember who fought his corner.

Don't give up. If he goes to the PRU, make it clear you think it's a strategy, a halfway house, not a punishment.

((((hugs)))) and I can see what a fantastic mum you are. Also, your new oh sounds great.

rainbowrisin

Sorry, no good practical advice as others more knowledgable than I have posted. Just to send enormous (((((((hugs))))))) to you and also to your little man.
The only advice I can think of is to make sure your son knows how much you love him, and to praise good behaviour to the max. (Which you probably do anyway). He's obviously a very confused little boy at the moment. Hopefully when he gets a package of help which suits him then things will improve.
The most important thing for any child who's been the victim or witness to DV is the love and support of the non-abusive parent, so you're being a complete star looking after him and trying to help him. Well done.;)

webitha

hiya just read your thread and it struck a chord

my DS also saw violence from his father toward me in fact if it wasnt for DS i would be dead s he stopped him from strangling me

anyways you say your giving him eye q caps try the liquid instead as i find it is absorbed quicker than the caps and more gets absorbed too

i changed from caps to liquid and within a matter of weeks saw a great improvement DS hasnt been in trouble for months now and on his annual statement meeting they said he was becoming normal boy (whatever normal means) and becoming pleasant to teach try it

oh and i also stopped the visits to XH too he tried to go thro solicitors but as he has a restraing order and he has been bound over for 10 years it wasnt a problem

if you need to chat about anything with someone who has been there got the t shirt and come out the other sided pm me im here everyday as this site is addictive lol

good luck love my thoughts are with you x x x

plumduff-2

Hi C...

I too had heard terrible things about PRU's, generally the kids are swinging fromt he ceilings, running amok, kickin goff worse than ever, even that they had to use plastic knifes and forks and were searched coming in and out...

All absolute rubbish..! The staff are fantastic, so positive and supportive.. dont look at the past and dont judge on what has happened previously.. At his age, they will assess him for a period, t see if there are any issues. He will not be aware of this.. they need to see if there is anything undiagnosed... ADHD, ADD, dyslexia etc.. At his age, they may then look at transferring him to a more appropriate school. As I said my son was 15 so he stayed at PRU.

The phone you up constantly, and give you updates on progress and after years of hearing negative crap, you'll be full of joy at hearing some positives... As he is in a school with only about 10-20 others, they have muh more one on one time and he will not find any need to rebel against what ever is making him unhappy...

And no, they dont have plastic K&F's, and the kids are well behaved cos the environment they are in is so much more supportive...


Re the policy... yes def get in touch with the LEA, explain the school have refused to give you anything...

See what they can do... During my sons expulsion meeting, I wrote a complaint of 8 pages stating every way the school had failed my son, and read this out... all this happened last April... last month I phoned the LEA about something, and the LEA officer who attended the expulsion meeting said I was the talk of the office for months for standing up for myself and putting the headmaster in a very difficult position.. He was squirming in his seat...The LEA people all thought it was great because apparently most people just sit and say nowt..

So dont get beaten down, theres loads of info on the web... have a look at the Dfes ..? maybe wrong website... type in something along the lines of son + expelled and google should come up with something..

Good luck and my thoughts are with you...

I still ahve copies of the complaint and some info I think relating to all this, I would be happy to post them onto you if you wanted..

mariejader

Hi Carrera sorry to hear you are having a really bad time.

I hope you don't mind me saying this but you need to be getting in touch with your GP now whilst you are feeling this low, I know it takes energy but you will find the strength somewhere, they are able to refer you to who ever for help.

If you have not done so I would also be calling your LEA and advising of the situation, they do not take the side of the school and should be able to offer again some advice.

You said you had some temp help from the Education Welfare Officer, I would suggest that you contact them again and tell them things are really bad and you need help and you need it NOW!!!, maybe they can suggest some ideas that will help you. Remember you are the only one who can fight his corner, the problem as I see it is most of the support costs money and often the agency's don't have it just to give out so if they say they are going to do something chase them, keep a diary of who and when you spoke to them and what was said etc, don't let it rest ring them every day if you have to.

You can also contact ACE http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/ they are fantastic and offer good advice

Here is also a link about exclusion http://www.ipsea.org.uk/exclusion-support-sheets.htm this link advises you about the procedure that school must follow, that site is mainly for SEN but I think I read somewhere that your son has an IEP, it may be worth pulling it out and seeing what stage he is at, (school action or school action +) and what targets have been set and how they are being met.

Regarding the bullying policy I know you said school have not supplied this, have you looked on their web site if they have one, often they can be downloaded from there.

I know you are angry with your son right now and I would be also, but try and think if it from his point of view I think he is very confused and crying out for help, he does have to learn right from wrong, but go with your instincts and fight his corner, the fact that you have an appt with camh's is a step forward for you, I don't know if you managed to have a look at the other site I suggested when I sent you a pm? hopefully you found some answers there.

I would also be keeping a diary of what happens on a daily basis, and from what I have read so far I think the thing that triggers him is break and lunch times, there is no structure in the playground's and often this is a time when children are at their most vulnerable from bullies etc

Good luck keep smiling I know it's very hard but there is support out there it's knowing how to get it is the hard part, but with the help from people here you will get there