9 yr about to be excluded again :(

changkra

A good friend of mine and her husband went through something similar with their little boy, he was an absolute nightmare. Anyway he had about 6/7 sessions with a child psychologist and he is a completely changed boy. He is unrecognizable to what he was, he is so good now and causes no problems at school. When he had to change schools recently due to a house move the teachers were expecting a rather live wire to be in the class instead they had a well behaved child who sits and gets on with his work with no problems.

There will be alight at th end of the tunnel, you may be despairing now but hang in there it will get better as soon as you find the pathway that leads to this

cobbingstones

Just wanted to send you hugs ((((( ))))) really hope that things change for you and your family.

With best wishes

MM xx

Janepig

fsdss wrote:

if the op was doing fine then why post on here?

parenting courses are not just about dealing with problematic behaviour - they are also geared up to building a parents self esteem which enables them to manage behaviour, i think that the op will benefit from a little support in building her esteem. the op also stated that she went on a parenting course through the HV - if my maths are correct that was about 5 years ago when the child was under the HV's caseload and at this time the op was with her ex.(which was violent). circumstances change and coping with a child like this can be traumatic for a parent.

Carrera......trust me you're not alone with what your going through and i hope that everything calms down for you. good luck with CAHMS next week and i would suggest that you also speak to your gp about this.

I meant she was doing fine caring for and understanding her son. I believe her worry is her son's problems when he's at school, I do believe she said she can manage his behaviour at home and also he can get away with that behaviour more at home which he can't at school due to disrupting others. Hence (imho) no need for "parenting" classes. However I also said (which you've quoted) that she needs re-assurance. Which she does. I wasn't replying to your post or having a go at you when I said I didn't think she needed parenting classes, just giving my opinion, same as you.

Also, it's important to get to the root of the problem as well as dealing with the behaviour resulting from it, and that problem may well be the ex. No amount of parenting classes (unless he goes to them) can deal with that.

My personal opinion also is that the less "professionals" you can get involved with the better. One or two knowledgable and helpful people is far better than a barrage of "mean-well's" with conflicting advice.

The OP asked for opinons, which she's getting. All different, and if the parenting classes are offering welcome help and support then great.

Jxx

fsdss

Janepig wrote:

I meant she was doing fine caring for and understanding her son. I believe her worry is her son's problems when he's at school, I do believe she said she can manage his behaviour at home and also he can get away with that behaviour more at home which he can't at school due to disrupting others. Hence (imho) no need for "parenting" classes. However I also said (which you've quoted) that she needs re-assurance. Which she does. I wasn't replying to your post or having a go at you when I said I didn't think she needed parenting classes, just giving my opinion, same as you.

Also, it's important to get to the root of the problem as well as dealing with the behaviour resulting from it, and that problem may well be the ex. No amount of parenting classes (unless he goes to them) can deal with that.

My personal opinion also is that the less "professionals" you can get involved with the better. One or two knowledgable and helpful people is far better than a barrage of "mean-well's" with conflicting advice.

The OP asked for opinons, which she's getting. All different, and if the parenting classes are offering welcome help and support then great.

Jxx

thanks for that - i never thought you were having a go.

we obviously agree that there is a problem here- however i believe in the other end of the opinion about professionals being involved - (which they obviously are), often helpful people (who can be knowlegebale + do more harm i.e. expressions of different behaviour management techniques) BUT there should be one lead professional co-ordinating the management strategy ALONG with mum who DOES know best.

Mics_chick

changkra wrote:

A good friend of mine and her husband went through something similar with their little boy, he was an absolute nightmare. Anyway he had about 6/7 sessions with a child psychologist and he is a completely changed boy. He is unrecognizable to what he was, he is so good now and causes no problems at school. When he had to change schools recently due to a house move the teachers were expecting a rather live wire to be in the class instead they had a well behaved child who sits and gets on with his work with no problems.

There will be alight at th end of the tunnel, you may be despairing now but hang in there it will get better as soon as you find the pathway that leads to this

I was thinking along the same lines as Changkra - if your ds witnessed DV and can still remember it has he ever had any sort of help to get over it and make sure he understands and can deal with his emotions and feelings about this?

Also if you can deal with it at home - how is his teacher dealing with it at school? Can you talk this through with her yourself and help her to find a more effective way to deal with his outbursts? I understand that she has the rest of the class to think of as well but if she has a better preventative strategy then it will benefit your son, the teacher and the rest of the class...

Just wanted to send you loads of hugs :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: and say IMHO that you're doing a fantastic job in a very difficult situation :T :A :T

elisebutt65

I've had the same sort of thing - my eldest DS is now 11 and we are seeing a child psychologist every fortnight now for his unmanageable behaviour. He too witnessed violence at no,me and also has ODD and ADHD.


I think you should get some professional help in the form of a psych evaluation at least - has the educational psychologist done an evaluation yet and does he have any form of statement? Maybe you should get your GP to refer you now to your local Child Health centre as the waiting list round here at least, is over a year long.

I also go on my own in the intervening weeks just to learn how to cope with his behaviour and try strategies. also fortnightly visits to school to discuss detentions and problems etc. Good job I'm not working - just trying to write my dissertation - sigh

andycarmi

fsdss wrote:

) BUT there should be one lead professional co-ordinating the management strategy ALONG with mum who DOES know best.

I agree.

The school SENCO can refer your son the an Ed pyschologist if need be. It maybe worth your while to book a meeting with his teacher and SENCO. You need some clear strategies and consistency with how you deal with his behaviour that he knows what the consequences will be.

IMHO the lack of consistence with dealing with behaviour is confusing. And thats not your fault. Speak to your sons school and get it in black and white what to do when and as a whole they should support you and son.

Hope thigs improve. Hugs.

s-j-cooper_2

If your son is referred to the Ed Psych (and it sounds like he should be) he may well get a statement which could mean he is entitled to one on one support in the class.

andycarmi

He must be on school action and the schools SEN registar if he has an IEP. But does he have a statement? Could this be the next step to support him?
If he does have one and you think it need to be changed talk to the SENCO about his annual review?

chrissy71

what are the other children at school like with him? The reason i ask is that we had problems with our son which resulted in a lunchtime exclusions. Part of his problems were that once other children seen that they could get him into trouble they would provoke him so much that he would eventually react and get into trouble with the teachers. This was all done undercover which made my son look to be a very violent child. In fact they said the reason for exclusion was that he was a risk to others. They tried saying he had speech/hearing problems to make the school look they had done the right thing. There was nothing wrong with him. When this was heard they wanted him refered to the school pyschologist which i refused - there was worst behaved kids in the school that were getting away with murder. I know you have outside of shool problems but just thought i would mention our experience.