9 yr about to be excluded again :(

Carrera74

shazrobo wrote:

has your son been diagnosed as having any medical problems. I ask because from what you descibe he sounds like one of my sons, who has severe ADHD

My GP thought that maybe he had a behavioural problem that was back in July last year and that was why he was referred to CAMHS. I have met with them twice with my son but they don't seem to be that concerned. The first meeting we had he wasn't seeing his Dad so his behaviour had improved. The second he had started seeing his Dad again and he had started getting in trouble at school and trying it on at home too. CAMHS suggested the meeting with school to help with strategies and to include the PRU.

chrissy71

chrissy71 wrote:

what are the other children at school like with him? The reason i ask is that we had problems with our son which resulted in a lunchtime exclusions. Part of his problems were that once other children seen that they could get him into trouble they would provoke him so much that he would eventually react and get into trouble with the teachers. This was all done undercover which made my son look to be a very violent child. In fact they said the reason for exclusion was that he was a risk to others. They tried saying he had speech/hearing problems to make the school look they had done the right thing. There was nothing wrong with him. When this was heard they wanted him refered to the school pyschologist which i refused - there was worst behaved kids in the school that were getting away with murder. I know you have outside of shool problems but just thought i would mention our experience.

forget to say 2 years down the line the teachers can't believe the change in him but in reality he is the same child just now he is being treated better.

amandada

I have no experience of your situation but I really feel for you and your son.
I may be speaking out of turn, but I also feel tremendous sympathy towards the other children and the class teacher. No one in the class is getting what they need out of the classroom.
I wonder if some of the parents of other children in the class were aware of what was happening in class, there would possibly be some pressure from them to have the situation dealt with properly, and bring together a proper action plan to assist your son. I for one would not be happy if there was such disruption to my children's education because of 1 child's problems, and would strive to make sure something was done.
I know that isn't going to be a popular viewpoint, but it's still valid

Carrera74

andyrules wrote:

Hi Carrera, this must be a nighmare for you.

I've got a lot of questions to think about.

The thing that jumped out most was that your son has witnessed violence from his dad towards you, and it must certainly be a factor in his behaviour. It does look as if the visits are a trigger, but why? Does your son go to his dad's alone, or with his sister? If so, can she throw any light on what has been happening there. I may have missed something as I didn't find the dense text easy to follow, so apologies if I have. It may just be that the sight of his dad signals the bad things he remembers.

My son visits on his own. My daughter decided 12 months ago after an argument where he swore and pushed her (which him and his gf swore blind didn't happen). She has said that when he is there he gets spoilt off his Dad and his gf takes sides with her son should they fall out - his Dad's gf's son is 7.

Is the meeting next week one of the multi-agency ones, as it sounds as if your son (and all of you) can do with more support. He may benefit from MAST meetings, particularly as they can do group work and observe behaviour from that perspective. Really, the things you mention plus the fact that his teacher said there's more, does indicate that he is very disturbed and needs more help than is currently on offer.

The meeting is with school, the SENCO, a pupil referral unit co-ordinator (the school head thinks that he'll be better there than at school) and our contact at CAMHS. I hope that from this meeting we'll get some help but the school can only do so much I guess.

I'm not sure about the noises you mentioned, does he do this often, as you say it is a warning sign? Has anyone ever mentioned autism? You say he's calmer at home, what do the CAMHS people make of that?

He tends to do the noises either to be sillly in class or his teacher thinks its a trigger of whats coming next - usually more disruptive behaviour, throwing things etc.

Worth thinking about, did his sister witness the violence, and how is her behaviour towards you and her brother, and in school?

His sister used to be sent out of the room so didn't see it as such but obviously heard and saw me afterwards She is a star pupil and the total opposite of her brother.

Sorry this seems like a barrage of questions, I really do feel for you and his sister in all this.

Many thanks for your thoughts.

Carrera74

fsdss wrote:

incidently is the behaviour at school aimed at females? does his behaviour improve if there is a male present? Is there a trigger factor with afternoons?

if i were you i would go back on a parenting course to reaffirm the way in which he should be monitored and dealt with. (i dont know what part of the country you're in, however there should be plenty of parenting courses spring ing up all over, which are usually free and usually follows the same basic principles of the Social Learning Theory)
ask school if there is a trigger and see if that can be changed.

The behaviour is at random children in the class although he hates the Head who is a female but really likes the Deputy who is also a female.

I only did the parenting course early 2006. The HV advised me about whilst I was visiting the surgery for another matter. I have the text book and it's like my bible!

Carrera74

andycarmi wrote:

Poor you. Does you son find it easy to talk about his feelings? He might benifit from some stress management. This will help him realize the feelings and signs before they get out of control. Also teaching him stratages to mange is feelings and behaviour.

Find something that he finds relaxing like visualization, music, play doh... Then when he feels like this he can sit in a quite space in the classroom and bring himself round!

Ask the school SENCO about a IBP (indevidual Behaviour Plan) instead of and IEP!

Sounds like a whole day is too much for him, what about just going to school till 2pm then picking him up early? Is it better to have this time all expected behaviour or do you think he would then want to not go to school? Or if his behaviour has been acceptable till 2 pm have the last hour or so with an independent topic he is intrested in?


Just some ideas you know your son best.

This is one of the problems. He puts his shutters up and won’t talk about his feelings until he has calmed down and by then he has no idea what triggered it and sometimes denies all knowledge of his actions as though he doesn’t remember.

I'm picking him up at lunchtime today as I don't think he can handle full days, no idea why though

Carrera74

Gabriel-Ernest wrote:

Given that things seem to kick off after lunch, what is he eating at lunchtime? Could there be food allergies there that set him off? My friends have a son with a major corn intolerance; he's fine until he gets the tiniest bit (including corn syrup) and he becomes extremely violent and has to be wrestled to the ground.

He has a sandwich and fruit and 2 eye Q capsules and juice. I try and watch what he eats.

s-j-cooper_2

The only problem with statements, of course, is funding. It all comes from the council, so if they have lots of children with statements one year then he probably wouldn't get one, but another year he might!

thriftyjo

What hit me straight away from reading this is that you said about these events happen in the afternoon at school - why is this - are afternoons less or more structured. It may be worth your while going in and observing if you can get the time of work. I know somebody mentioned autism - aspergus syndrome is the lesser form of autism and like it can be triggered by a broken routine - i.e goign to his dads it might just be that the change of eating time or bed time confuse him. Also I would - you may already be, make a food diary and see if there is anything in particular that makes his behaviour worse - again this would work out with the afternoons change in behaviour - after lunch! Maybe you could try a new additive free diet - sorry don't know if you have tried this - am just suggesting the things I have had to do myself!

He is very lucky to have such understanding parents who are trying to do all they can for him! I think you are also lucky as it sounds asthough the school is trying to help and support him as much as possible.

Carrera74

amandada wrote:

I have no experience of your situation but I really feel for you and your son.
I may be speaking out of turn, but I also feel tremendous sympathy towards the other children and the class teacher. No one in the class is getting what they need out of the classroom.
I wonder if some of the parents of other children in the class were aware of what was happening in class, there would possibly be some pressure from them to have the situation dealt with properly, and bring together a proper action plan to assist your son. I for one would not be happy if there was such disruption to my children's education because of 1 child's problems, and would strive to make sure something was done.
I know that isn't going to be a popular viewpoint, but it's still valid

It was awful when the teacher told me what one of his classmates had said. I’ve even started getting funny looks off parents. And I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been complaining already. It isn’t fair on the other children I agree. I just want help to get him on track but I'm starting to think that the strategies that are already in place aren't helping.