I'm sort of homeless. Need money NOW.

Vanille_2

LL30 wrote: »

Vanille - can I just ask what sort of support you are getting for your mental health problems? Do you have on going input? I'm a mental health worker (or was until I got made redundant, grr!) and it would seem that you are at a crisis point. Airing your issues on here seems to be aggravating you, rather than helping you and I'd urge you to seek support. I take it that they've done a full assessment of you as you have a diagnosis, but what coping strategies have you learnt? Unfortunately, and I know this is hard, it's down to you to learn coping mechanisms to help you integrate with society as much as you wish to do so. You seem to present some very Asperger/ASD traits, I'm just wondering if there's a dual diagnosis? Either way, you need some support, ranting on here is not helpful and in some ways will only affirm your current beliefs.

For other posters - honestly, he really, really will not get any of your points (sorry Vanille)

This is a very interesting point. I have had a diagnosis and i've been offered nothing else. I actually came up with the diagnosis myself and told the doctor why I feel I have it, he then confirmed it.

I know you mean it with best intentions (really) but I can't help feel patronised at your last comment. It's not that I don't understand the situation. I know that the best thing to do is to be quiet, finish the degree, get a job and then get my own place. That's OBVIOUS. It's also easy to understand the dynamics of the situation, the point is, I have chosen not to go along with simplicity because I feel that they're being rather outrageous.
I don't have this problem with all people, I get along with my father in most respects. This problem is largely JUST with my mum.

I do have issues with people that feel they can look down on me because I haven't worked for 20 years or had a child. I'm not saying that parenting is easy; i'm sure it's not, but it doesn't take much to have a child. Anybody can be a parent or work 20 years in a bakery. Why should I be looked down upon because I'm still studying?

I really am open to further diagnosis and I don't want to hide from anything. If I really do have Aspergers or something, then I won't be happy, but it won't fundamentally change anything. I do, however, feel you've truly made a mistake. I do have personality issues and i'm certainly obsessive, but I do not have social issues in general. I have social issues with only my mother and i'm not afraid to argue back when I feel something is wrong.

I can read social situations very well, something I've learned by discussing it with others. Trust me; I get it. University is one of the most sociable periods of anybody's life and I was on the more popular side and I'm actually liked by more people than disliked. What you're seeing is a completely relative scenario. If you sincerely believe that I have more issues then I'd be willing to discuss these with you via PM. My girlfriends brother does have Aspergers, and she assures me that we are entirely different.

Like I said though, my Dr. did mention some Aspergers 'patterns', but nowhere near enough to be considered one. I'm willing to have this verified though.

sukysue

That's the trouble though see love, it's not logical and that's why you can't understand it.
It's all to do with emotions and feelings and rows and words spoken in anger and not really meant and forgiveness and understanding and just sounding off to relieve all the pressure and stress and ppl not realising that sometimes we all feel awful and we should be kinder to one another and yet we still aren't. It's all an emotional rollercoaster of life that we all get on and some are having a rougher ride than others . You WILL be ok and in time you and your parents will talk about this and you will all probably laugh at the silliness of it all and how you all got on one anothers nerves ...be kind to yourself and don't even think about all of us posters on here after all what do we know?

pleasedelete

Gosh you are a man. Read whole thread earlier and assumed that you were female.

You come across as very precious. Even more so for a man.

Vanille_2

meg72 wrote: »

Have to agree, I find it quite worrying that the op is being upset at some of the posts.

I dont feel we should offer any further advice other than as quoted, i.e. to seek help and support from people qualified to give this.

Well it depends on what you consider upset. I mean they kind of annoyed me, but it won't affect my day too much because i'll write off some posts as false. I don't know if you were picturing me raging in my seat?

One post really did annoy me, which is where I was told that I do not deserve respect. I feel i've done more than enough in my life at this point to be considered an equal in my parents eyes. 2 Months of relying on them for shelter should not take away everything i've done up until this point.

The reason I have got so into this and argued my point is because these posts are reflections of peoples true feelings on the scenario. I feel that my point is correct and I must argue, until either some people agree, or until somebody puts up a decent counter-argument that makes me see clearly. This thread was supposed to be about getting a new house ASAP, but people made some comments that I really couldn't let slide. It's in my nature to defend myself. I was unaware that was reason for concern.

The only true reason for concern in this thread is my feeling of suicide, which only manifests itself in rare situations where I feel helpless, which only happens every few months or so. I'm very unlikely to ever do it. Also it goes against my logic, but that's out of my control.

carer_adrian

Hey hope you are ok and all i want to say at this difficult time is to try and stay strong

Vanille_2

pleasedelete wrote: »

Gosh you are a man. Read whole thread earlier and assumed that you were female.

You come across as very precious. Even more so for a man.

Haha yeah I suppose it's an ambiguous name. I'm not sure I understood your meaning of precious, but if you mean it how I think you do, then i'm quite a strange one. I'm very manly in some ways, but then feminine in others.
Posting with a neutral name generally eliminates biased comments.

sukysue wrote: »

That's the trouble though see love, it's not logical and that's why you can't understand it.
It's all to do with emotions and feelings and rows and words spoken in anger and not really meant and forgiveness and understanding and just sounding off to relieve all the pressure and stress and ppl not realising that sometimes we all feel awful and we should be kinder to one another and yet we still aren't. It's all an emotional rollercoaster of life that we all get on and some are having a rougher ride than others . You WILL be ok and in time you and your parents will talk about this and you will all probably laugh at the silliness of it all and how you all got on one anothers nerves ...be kind to yourself and don't even think about all of us posters on here after all what do we know?

Well I have this feeling that you see me as sort of monotone emotionally?

When I really get into something I go all extreme, but then I calm down and forgive everybody. I definitely have emotion and I just had a nice chat with my dad. I can compromise and I can be thoughtful. I used to be a very caring and considerate person, and in some ways I probably am, but it's degraded slightly.
Emotions can be extreme. Sometimes If I fall out with them I have the opinion that i'll never speak to them again, they're dead to me. Then the next day I get over it and we're friends again. I wouldn't say i'm emotionally dead

System

I don't want to sound unkind, we all have 'issues', we don't all have supportive parents, we all have our own problems,mentally, emotionally, financially etc...but several things strike me as being very 'simple'.

You are putting the blame on your parents for your own problems.

You're 24, an adult for some years, you are not happy with living with your mother but financially can't leave until you complete your uni course and find work...therefore you have NO CHOICE but to follow the house rules.That it is your parents making the rules is irrelevant really...the same might be true if you lived in halls, though the rules would be different someone else would still be making them! ( That will be true of work too remember)

It is your parents house and I am sure they both love you...but cannot live with you as another adult in their house. Not every parent CAN live with an adult child as it were. How would you feel if you owned a house and had plans for the way you wanted to live in it and then a family member, loved but not easy to live, with moved in and showed no signs of moving out again?

You must decide whether you can live there until you finish your course, OR whether it is intolerable to do so? In the latter case you may consider trying to get a job now, and find a room to rent. That's it...you have only the two choices really. Stay or go.

You don't say ( sorry if I missed it) what job your course will prepare you for, whether that will be easy to find etc...in the present economic climate can you be sure whatever qualification you get will help you find work?

I think you should go back to your doctor, ask for a proper diagnosis and to be directed to someone who can help...though to be honest you sound exactly like my ex boyfriend...he didn't actually have a mental health problem, he just opted out of making decisions for himself and complained bitterly that his mother tried to run his life for him...it was true, she DID...but only because he would not do it himself! He was unwilling ( or lets be kind and say unable) to take any responsibility for his own life whilst letting someone else 'keep him'.

I do hope you find an answer... but please remember we ( everyone on here) has had times when they have had to make tough decisions...it isn't generally a case of anyone getting an easy ride through life!

I'd like to quote something you said "Anybody can be a parent or work 20 years in a bakery. Why should I be looked down upon because I'm still studying?" Actually it's very hard being a parent...you worry constantly whether you are getting it 'right'...I went back to college as a mature student...it was hard work but immensely rewarding, no one looked down on me for studying instead of working.... but I'll tell you now..it was a whole lot easier than being a parent, or working full time for bosses who drive you to distraction, or just trying to keep a roof over my head.

Vanille_2

Right, I understand this is off-topic, but i've had a bit of time to look up Aspergers, DLA and ESA.

From what I can discern, I hit a few of the Aspergers boxes, but I don't have any social problems. I'd bet a lot of money on that, though i'd be willing to get a test. If I do sit in Aspergers territory then it must be the mildest form.

The DLA/ESA look to be only for people who either cannot work or have trouble working. I don't believe that is quite the case, or at least it hasn't been so far.

OCPD has severely disrupted my university work and I do procrastinate and fail to complete things based on my methods of perfection and sometimes indecisiveness that can over-complicate a situation. Often when forced to do the work that I keep putting off, I don't find it all that difficult and do it to a decent standard. I don't see how this will affect my work though, as in a job i've always been forced to do the work, so I can't avoid it in any way, or come to it later. I do sometimes get overwhelmed with info and feel I can't do it. but I usually get by.

Therefore I don't think DLA/ESA are for me. I'd take the tests though anyway.

Willow92

Hey, I'd just like to say that this isn't the most supportive side of the forum so you're not gonna get anything but abuse from a lot of people here. I think you make some valid points but maybe you should speak to someone qualified to give out proper advice regarding loans etc. Good luck.

System

I'd like to add something in response to an earlier post also

"I am of the firm belief that children are born to their parents and until the day they (parents) die it is our responsibility to help and guide our children." Sukysue

I agree, but one of the ways to help and guide your child is to give them the emotional and practical tools to enable them to make their own decisions in life, accept the consequences of their own actions and to deal with them in a mature way. To learn to solve their own problems...and to be able to do their own housework lol, (mothers of teenagers know that's not always easy