Divorce / csa / spousal maintenance

fannyanna

I think you just have to accept that some people are just awkward whether it's justified or not. This is extremely true of my Husbands ex.

OP - has your wife always been an awkward person?

Giraffe5021

Ras - i did that when she made one of children cry and behaved appallingly and when i brought it up at mediation meeting a few days later she flatly denied it. Mediator said nothing!!
Fannyanna - looking back I guess the answer is yes (although when you are in the situation you dont really often stop to assess those sort of things - just accept them for what they are until you reach the tipping point of no return and then you can see more clearly!!)

In the very first mediation meeting the mediator said the whole point of mediation is looking forwards not trawling through the past so to a degree I guess whether I or she was unfaithful (and to my knowledge neither of us were other than one instance on her side) is academic - although I do take your point about had this been the case about wanting to inflict the maximum suffering possible on me.
Surely this is about 2 intelligent adults working out a financial arrangement that works for both and doing the absolute best for the children who are after all (IMHO) the most important thing.

Bubby

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

And the first reaction is in......
She feels the period of spousal maintenance (which would see them all at high school and therefore much more independent) is totally unreasonable.

I don't believe that a judge will see this as unreasonable.
I quote:
1) "Dont I care about my kids and if someone is there to cook them their tea?"

Give them money for tea at school so they can just have a sandwich when they get home or cook their tea the night before and they can put it in the microwave/oven to heat through?
2) "I will tell the children how totally unreasonable you are being and ruining everyone's lives."

Just remain calm, this shows that what you have said has rattled her cage and that she obviously believes this may be more reasonable than she is letting on. If she thought your suggestion would be thrown out she would have said no and wouldn't have been phased by it but instead would have decided to contact her solicitor.
Regretfully cant say I am surprised - 1 is just a ridiculous comment to make after I have tried so hard to make it abundantly plain I care massively about my children and 2 frankly defies belief and is yet another example of exactly how parents should not use their children as weapons and (to quote princessdreamer) to "bad mouth" the other parent is a low low thing to do.

Just remember that the children will remember that no matter what their mother did or said to you that you always came back and wanted to see them, believe me when I say that will amount to something in the end

princessdreamer

Right her point one well yeah I sort of agree with, my kids like to have a home cooked meal but TBH if I have to be late in they will eat later. If I have to be very late someone else will feed them.
Point two ok warzone coming. As for recording her, my ex tried that again backfired long story. think you are doing well being the better person.

Mojisola

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

1) as I understand it they are inadmissible unless you advise the other person you are recording them (in which case she would not say what she really thinks)

I'm sure you are allowed to record the other person without their knowledge on a private phone but there may be some problems using the recording in a legal case if it was done without their knowledge.

I would be tempted to tell her that you are recording all future conversations. It might stop her saying these things which must be very hurtful.

princessdreamer

You are not allowed to record people without their permission. Doing it without permission or threatening it can be seen as abuse. If one person is recording conversations they tend to 'forget' to record the ones where they say anything bad.

Mojisola

princessdreamer wrote: »

You are not allowed to record people without their permission. Doing it without permission or threatening it can be seen as abuse. If one person is recording conversations they tend to 'forget' to record the ones where they say anything bad.

Between private individuals, I think you can.

fannyanna

You can record people without their knowledge. The only problem is you then have limitations as to what you can do with that recording (on the basis that consent was not obtained).

fannyanna

OP - just a thought but if you don't want to hear her nastiness have you considered the threat of recorded conversations? Even if you don't do it she'll be wary of what she says. That way she'll think twice before she communicates with you - be it in writing or verbally as she'll know that a record has been kept of everything she's said.

I suppose that wont help to appease her but I get the impression she's not going to be reasonable so you don't really have anything to lose.

clearingout

I have one of these: https://www.truecall.co.uk . Ex was aware I had done something to the phone and asked me at the only mediation session we ever attended. Told him I had a 'device' that 'recorded phone calls'. His face was priceless! I sincerely hope he had a few restless nights over what he might have said that I could have used against him.

After he realised, his telephone conduct improved enormously - and for this reason, it was worth every penny.