Divorce / csa / spousal maintenance

Bubby

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

Just hit send button on the email to Ex (refer my post of 9-42pm yesterday).
Tin hats at the ready!!!!

Good luck:D

Giraffe5021

Thanks Bubby!
Update to follow...... I guess its gonna go one of two ways:
1) big reality check in financial terms for ex and an amicable move forward..........OR
2) utter carnage and massive legal bills!!

I am praying for number 1!!!!!

Giraffe5021

And the first reaction is in......
She feels the period of spousal maintenance (which would see them all at high school and therefore much more independent) is totally unreasonable.
I quote:
1) "Dont I care about my kids and if someone is there to cook them their tea?"
2) "I will tell the children how totally unreasonable you are being and ruining everyone's lives."
Regretfully cant say I am surprised - 1 is just a ridiculous comment to make after I have tried so hard to make it abundantly plain I care massively about my children and 2 frankly defies belief and is yet another example of exactly how parents should not use their children as weapons and (to quote princessdreamer) to "bad mouth" the other parent is a low low thing to do.

RAS

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

1) "Dont I care about my kids and if someone is there to cook them their tea?"

At that age the children will not want mum cooking their tea,; they will want out.

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

2) "I will tell the children how totally unreasonable you are being and ruining everyone's lives."

Advise your ex that if she insists on abusing the children in this way, you will take matters to court.

You strictly avoid mentioning anything to do with the break-down to the childrem and she must do the same.

It is NOT appropriate to bad-mouth the other parent just becuase yoyu do not ike them anymore.

And raise this in th next mediationing meeting - bug advantage, you now have a record of the response. Make this a condition of the spousal maintenance (you may not have a leg to stand on but it willl draw her attention to the fact that this is upsetting behaviour).

Giraffe5021

RAS - all the points you make are valid BUT she was too cute to put that in writing!
It was a phone call and I wrote my post immediately after putting the phone down.

Mojisola

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

RAS - all the points you make are valid BUT she was too cute to put that in writing!
It was a phone call and I wrote my post immediately after putting the phone down.

Sort out a way of recording the phone calls.

FBaby

Giraffe, why is she so bitter? Her entire behaviour spark of wanting to take revenge on you. I think you said the breakup was no due to anyone else, just the marriage breaking down and needing to move on? Does she sees the other way around?

I'm not asking so I can write back and give her a reason for her behaviour, but the reality is that until she feels resentment, she will make your life difficult, so maybe trying to understand why she feels so strongly might help trying to figure out what woud appease her a bit and therefore make her more amicable, at least insuring damage to the kids from what she tells them is minimized.

Her expectations are totally ridiculous, why is she not wanting to move towards more independance from you as soon as possible?

Giraffe5021

Ras - i could do it - and have to confess to having considered doing it but:
1) as I understand it they are inadmissible unless you advise the other person you are recording them (in which case she would not say what she really thinks)
2) to record them (without advising her) and then produce it for example at mediation meeting would be massively confrontational and would (A) make me look extremely underhand and (B) be the equivalent of lobbing a hand grenade into the proceedings at a time when i am desperately trying to reach an amicable solution.

Have just this minute taken a call from Mediation organisation to set up next meeting so at least its not caused her to go straight to her solicitor.....yet!

Giraffe5021

Fbaby - I honestly did not expect it to be this way. We had talked of splitting up for sometime so I had expected a much much more amicable solution to be achieved.
Im not sure if the reality of what it will mean for all of us financially is making her this way. Dont get me wrong she is a Mum and I fully expect her to "fight" (not literally!!) to get the best settlement that she can to secure both her and the children's futures BUT there has to be some equality in the settlement.

RAS

Giraffe5021 wrote: »

RAS - all the points you make are valid BUT she was too cute to put that in writing!
It was a phone call and I wrote my post immediately after putting the phone down.

What a batch! Even if you cannot record it report it at the next medication meeting anyway, and make it quite plain to her that this behaviour is abusive (of the children) and wholly unacceptable.

The mediator will agree. Even if she denies it.

Then make a throw away remark about " may have to think about recording calls" if she lies.