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Placing a child in to foster care. + the history

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Comments

  • puddy
    puddy Posts: 12,709 Forumite
    camhs doesnt just diagnose mental illness, they also deal with dysfunctional behaviour. by definition she cannot be happy and healthy if she is being so destructive by choice

    the fact that she is well behaved at school suggests that family is an area of anger for her. she is angry at family.

    how has her behaviour been in care? although its usual that children have a 'honeymoon period' in care where they are good as gold and then when they feel safe they start to act out
  • KiKi
    KiKi Posts: 5,381 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    If she does have a mental illness its a very clever one that managed to outwit our GP, the health visitor, school nurse, a child psychologist and a behavioural specialist.

    Some mental illnesses are 'very clever' and make people manipulative. You seem to want to place the blame all on her. :(

    Please try and see your child as a victim here, and not as someone who is out to get you and your children and make your life hell. It may be that her early life has probably affected her more than you imagine. :)

    KiKi
    ' <-- See that? It's called an apostrophe. It does not mean "hey, look out, here comes an S".
  • puddy wrote: »
    camhs doesnt just diagnose mental illness, they also deal with dysfunctional behaviour. by definition she cannot be happy and healthy if she is being so destructive by choice

    the fact that she is well behaved at school suggests that family is an area of anger for her. she is angry at family.

    how has her behaviour been in care? although its usual that children have a 'honeymoon period' in care where they are good as gold and then when they feel safe they start to act out

    She has only been there since Monday so i think its a bit early to tell.

    I have been a member of MSE for a very long time and am aware to the ripping apart of posters and trying to find other underlying reasons that have not been posted, especially those who chose to use an alternative username however I am not super mum but maybe if i gave in to her every whim I would have a daughter who is not appearing to be more and more like a psychopath as she gets older.

    At nearly 14 now and 5ft8 (a lot taller, heavier and stronger than me) she is posing a real threat to anyone who she decides she has a problem with that day.
  • Darlyd
    Darlyd Posts: 1,337 Forumite
    KiKi wrote: »
    Some mental illnesses are 'very clever' and make people manipulative. You seem to want to place the blame all on her. :(

    Please try and see your child as a victim here, and not as someone who is out to get you and your children and make your life hell. It may be that her early life has probably affected her more than you imagine. :)

    KiKi

    My DD manipilitivaed (is that is even a word) a psychiatrist she saw many yeas ago, who said nothing is wrong with her. One we saw recently told me she may have ADHD and is doing a proper assessment, she is also under CAHMS and is having educational psychologist to assess her in school next week without her knowledge. DD1 is also like this in school.

    I love her to pieces, but really don't like the person she is. WTH are we meant to do? Lock them in a shed to calm them down? I have had to sit on DD to calm her down and to stop her from really hurting DD2 and myself, and we can not keep knifes where she can get them either, she will take them to school with her to get revenge on those that p!!s her off..

    It's not all parent's fault, especially not in my case, and by the sounds of it, op's place either.

    Can you afford to have a private psychologist/psychiatrist? We were going to do this, but luckily we finally sought help through DD school, have been so supportive.
  • KiKi wrote: »
    Some mental illnesses are 'very clever' and make people manipulative. You seem to want to place the blame all on her. :(

    Please try and see your child as a victim here, and not as someone who is out to get you and your children and make your life hell. It may be that her early life has probably affected her more than you imagine. :)

    KiKi

    Hands up, im very angry at her right now. Wouldn't you be?
  • Darlyd
    Darlyd Posts: 1,337 Forumite
    Hands up, im very angry at her right now. Wouldn't you be?

    Some people who have not been through this, can not understand. Let that go over your head. :A
  • Hi,
    I didn't want to just read and run x
    I know you say she doesn't know what happened with her dad, but maybe she does-maybe she does have memories, or what she thinks are memories but she isn't sure, and she is, by asking about him, asking you to confirm what she can remember.
    Maybe because you haven't sat down with her and explained exactly what did happen, she doesn't feel able to talk about it, and that is why she is getting angry.
    She may be jealous of the twins, because they have their dad and she doesn't???
    Sorry if i'm not on the right track just trying to throw a few more ideas into the mix.
    Maybe her being in foster care temporarily may be a good idea short term-you can both have a bit of breathing space, and your other children can relax a bit.
    Would the 2 of you be able to sit down, with someone else as mediator, and talk about what happened, and why she feels so angry?? You're right, there are some things that children should never have to know, but maybe she needs to be told a bit more than she already has-would you be able to seek advice from social services about the best way to approach this with your daughter??
    I really hope you can find some peace for your family, but please dont let her feel like she has been abandoned xx
    Good Luck x
  • Hands up, im very angry at her right now. Wouldn't you be?
    id be ashamed. not that youve tried to get help but of how your speaking about your child. i suspect your daughters problems dont begin and end with her father.

    id question why you felt the need to have more children if one you had was like you say?
    Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam
  • puddy
    puddy Posts: 12,709 Forumite
    She has only been there since Monday so i think its a bit early to tell.

    I have been a member of MSE for a very long time and am aware to the ripping apart of posters and trying to find other underlying reasons that have not been posted, especially those who chose to use an alternative username however I am not super mum but maybe if i gave in to her every whim I would have a daughter who is not appearing to be more and more like a psychopath as she gets older.

    At nearly 14 now and 5ft8 (a lot taller, heavier and stronger than me) she is posing a real threat to anyone who she decides she has a problem with that day.

    im not sure anyone is ripping you apart? no one is saying any parent should be 'super'. I do believe that you are in denial about the impact of the past on her behaviour and her relationship with family, including yourself. its not about blame, its about finding a solution and that may involve challenging yourself about how you feel about your own past.
    it seems easier for you to simply look at her behaviour in isloation without connecting it to anything else. you mention 'jealousy' of the twins. they certainly seem to be a trigger but it probably goes way back.
  • puddy wrote: »
    im not sure anyone is ripping you apart? no one is saying any parent should be 'super'. I do believe that you are in denial about the impact of the past on her behaviour and her relationship with family, including yourself. its not about blame, its about finding a solution and that may involve challenging yourself about how you feel about your own past.
    it seems easier for you to simply look at her behaviour in isloation without connecting it to anything else. you mention 'jealousy' of the twins. they certainly seem to be a trigger but it probably goes way back.
    :T:T:T
    i think the op is coming across as a 'mother' who thinks her child is disposable because shes not like her 'normal' siblings. if all i knew of my father was that my mother had stopped me from seeing him and refused to tell me anything, then id be bloody angry too. the op has to accept responsibility and not just put it all on her daughter and then wash her hands of her.
    Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam
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