Me and My Girls

lala9

Don't really know where to start but here goes. I split with my daughters father back in 2003, not a nice ending but it had to happen due to the sort of person he is. Since then the childcare has been split 50/50, my girls are now almost 10. Worst mistake I have ever made not having them full time, but I was brow beaten into it at the time. Ever since I have been bullied by him, and then in 2008 he met his wife who joined his bullying antics. I have been undermined as a mother left, right and centre and feel like I am useless. I won't go into too much detail but you get the picture. Everything has to be his way with little or no consultation with me. This year he has moved out of the area about 25 miles away but still works in the same town that I live and my girls are schooled where I live too. He has told me he wants them schooled in the town he now lives and live with him full time and claims I cannot look after them properly. Obviously this is complete and utter rubbish. Today I went to take one of my daughters to the doctors, when I telephoned to book in the receptionist informed me that she was no longer registered at the surgery, he had moved them, I am so angry. Can he do this? This type of thing has been going on for so long now, I am afraid of him I put my hand up to that, he is an intimidating and manipulative character. I just go along with the flow to avoid any kind of confrontation. For instance, he recently approached me and asked if I minded the girls ears being pierced, I said yes I do mind and I don't want it done, the next thing I know they have been done! It's awful, constantly critisized and pulled up on any little thing. I am scared, I do not want to loose my children, the girls are happy here and want to go to high school here, but they are also scared of him and her and won't say how they feel. I have a solicitors appointment arranged for next week to find out where I stand. It went legal a couple of years ago after receiving alot of harrassment from him, but it came to nothing as he even tied the solicitor up in knots. He controls everything, I have to ask for passports to take them away and he is quick to get them back, I cannot shop with my girls for new school shoes she has to do it, they cut their hair without my say so, even brownies has been in this other town for around 2 years as this is where she is from prior to moving there, as before he lived in the same town as me. I cannot enrol them in any clubs here as on his week he will not let them attend. What can you do when you are up against people like this. One xmas he took them and just didn't bring them back on the agreed date, it was awful and very upsetting begging him to bring them back over the phone. I feel I would like full custody now but the 50/50 has been going for so long I don't think this would happen. I just want what is best for my girls and this situation is not looking good

victory

Could you maybe paragraph your post as it is difficult to read all in one go like that, thank you very much.

gratefulforhelp_2

You need to get a family law solicitor to write to him and suggest he pull his horns in.

And keep a record of all these incidents with dates.

flutterby_lil

Victory.................here you go

Don't really know where to start but here goes. I split with my daughters father back in 2003, not a nice ending but it had to happen due to the sort of person he is. Since then the childcare has been split 50/50, my girls are now almost 10. Worst mistake I have ever made not having them full time, but I was brow beaten into it at the time.

Ever since I have been bullied by him, and then in 2008 he met his wife who joined his bullying antics. I have been undermined as a mother left, right and centre and feel like I am useless. I won't go into too much detail but you get the picture. Everything has to be his way with little or no consultation with me. This year he has moved out of the area about 25 miles away but still works in the same town that I live and my girls are schooled where I live too. He has told me he wants them schooled in the town he now lives and live with him full time and claims I cannot look after them properly. Obviously this is complete and utter rubbish.

Today I went to take one of my daughters to the doctors, when I telephoned to book in the receptionist informed me that she was no longer registered at the surgery, he had moved them, I am so angry. Can he do this? This type of thing has been going on for so long now, I am afraid of him I put my hand up to that, he is an intimidating and manipulative character. I just go along with the flow to avoid any kind of confrontation. For instance, he recently approached me and asked if I minded the girls ears being pierced, I said yes I do mind and I don't want it done, the next thing I know they have been done! It's awful, constantly critisized and pulled up on any little thing. I am scared, I do not want to loose my children, the girls are happy here and want to go to high school here, but they are also scared of him and her and won't say how they feel.

I have a solicitors appointment arranged for next week to find out where I stand. It went legal a couple of years ago after receiving alot of harrassment from him, but it came to nothing as he even tied the solicitor up in knots. He controls everything, I have to ask for passports to take them away and he is quick to get them back, I cannot shop with my girls for new school shoes she has to do it, they cut their hair without my say so, even brownies has been in this other town for around 2 years as this is where she is from prior to moving there, as before he lived in the same town as me. I cannot enrol them in any clubs here as on his week he will not let them attend. What can you do when you are up against people like this.

One xmas he took them and just didn't bring them back on the agreed date, it was awful and very upsetting begging him to bring them back over the phone. I feel I would like full custody now but the 50/50 has been going for so long I don't think this would happen. I just want what is best for my girls and this situation is not looking good

There_Goes_Trouble

I think you need to discuss it all with your solicitor. See where you stand legally and how much influence your daughters wishes would have if you applied for full custody.

You will get a lot of opinions and peoples own experiences on here, but no one's situation will be exactly as yours is so really you need a solicitor.

I would start to keep a diary from today though, just write everything in it no matter how trivial it seems, including any comments your children make about it.

pigpen

I think as well as speaking to a solicitor yourself you should make an appointment for your daughter to speak to one too.. so they can say what THEY want.. a judge WILL take into account what they want and if they tell a solicitor they want to do one thing they will probably be granted it providing they are able and competant to make that decision.

speak to the girls like they are grown up and ask them if this is something they would like to do so their views can be heard.. this isnt about what you or their father wants, as I am sure you are aware it is what is best for the girls that is important.

if the girls are telling the solicitor the same as you then I think the 3 of you have a very good strong case for full custody or whatever..

meritaten

I agree with pigpen - the girls are of an age where their wishes will be taken into consideration. When it comes to court it doesnt matter what previous arrangements have been made - the court will be far more concerned about the girls future. See the solicitor and tell him everything you have told us.

CH27

Will the girls tell a solicitor how they really feel?

lala9

Thanks for your responses. I will see what the solicitor has to say and at the end of the day it does come down to what is best for the girls and what they would prefer.

neneromanova

I think you need to get yourself on a confidence boosting course or something. That way you'll be able to stand up to that big bully and wife.

Good Luck.

lucylucy

lala9 wrote: »

Today I went to take one of my daughters to the doctors, when I telephoned to book in the receptionist informed me that she was no longer registered at the surgery, he had moved them, I am so angry. Can he do this?

This is awful!

It might even be worth calling into your girl's school and let them know what's happening so they can contact you immediately in case he suddenly tells them the girls will be enrolling in a new school.
I say this because, by the sound of him, you'd only know after the deed is done.