Me and My Girls

newcook

also, ask your girls not to say anything to their dad about going to a solicitor (if you choose to get the girls to speak to one too) in case he tells them what to say.

lala9

Thank you, yes I've been told to inform the school,but I feel like am I being like the neurotic Mother. I don't think a solicitor will want to talk to the child, I think that is a job for Caffcass is it not? This is so scary for me, but I do have an awful lot of support from friends, family and my lovely lovely partner. I have taken so much !!!! for years. Imagine your child's birthday.... you are planning a party for their friends and then are told at the last minute that a party is already organised without your knowledge and with no invite for you (not that I would want to share a room with him/them) but it inhibits you from sharing a special birthday with your child and makes you look like you don't care and cannot be bothered. I could list hundreds of things that have happened, all to undermine me, it's really horrible. They are twins by the way.

lucylucy

I feel absolutely terrible for you. It sounds like he's been steadily trying to chip away at your relationship with your girls until you become like an outsider who has to run the simplest request by him.

I really hope your solicitor will be good and not take any nonsense from him.

lala9

Thanks Lucy, that's exactly how it has been and it has worked. I know it's not about what I want but what is best for the girls, but I really hope they see him for what he is and put an end to his behaviour once and for all. But I know they have a log of all the things that I have done in the past, this includes dressing them incorrectly, not ensuring they clean their teeth properly to berating me for putting them through an abusive relationship with my ex partner, which is not good I admit, but another one of my poor decisions.

DS4215

You might want to make sure that the application form for senior school goes to your house only. That comes out in autumn of year 6 and if he gets hold of it and applies for the other schools without your knowledge they will be given places there....

RadoJo

It sounds as though your daughters could benefit from having someone completely impartial to talk to about this situation - whilst some of the things you mentioned in your first post sound controlling and manipulative, you then mentioned in your last post that you exposed them to an abusive relationship, which does make it sound as though your ex might have grounds for concern when it comes to making the big decisions in your girls' lives. I think you should probably focus only on the bigger issues (such as schooling, extra curricular activities etc) rather than things like having their hair cut - after all someone has to take them to have this done and assuming that they are allowed to pick the styles themselves, it shouldn't really matter which parent is actually with them when they go. I also think that you should focus on the impact on your girls rather than your feeling that he is trying to undermine your confidence -whilst this is cruel behaviour, it isn't really relevant to your custody issues unless you can prove that he is badmouthing you to the girls to try and improve his chances of winning full custody.
I wish you luck in this situation - it does sound horribly hard but you obviously have hidden reserves of strength to draw on!

peachyprice

DS4215 wrote: »

You might want to make sure that the application form for senior school goes to your house only. That comes out in autumn of year 6 and if he gets hold of it and applies for the other schools without your knowledge they will be given places there....

You can also do applications online in most areas.

OP you NEED to find out from your LEA the soonest you can set up the account to do this and set it up with a password, otherwise he can go online, set it up, do the application and you will not be able to access it.

lala9

peachyprice wrote: »

You can also do applications online in most areas.

OP you NEED to find out from your LEA the soonest you can set up the account to do this and set it up with a password, otherwise he can go online, set it up, do the application and you will not be able to access it.

Wow I didn't realise that this could be done online, he has probably done it already in that case.

deedee71

The OP could have been written by me and I would urge you to take action right now as I've now lost all 3 of my children to a controlling bully and his new girlfriend (who God help us is a children's social worker). I too thought 4 nights/3 nights was fair as it was me breaking up the marriage. Worst thing I ever did.

He is changing the address at the surgery and probably the dentist, optician etc so that he can get the Child Benefit. When he gets this he will also get the Tax Credits and he will have total control. And we both know that's more what it's about rather than what is best for the children. After that it's more or less a done deal. Soon you will be paying him through the CSA.

You must seek legal advice right now. Get the primary school on board and as suggested make sure their places are secured at your secondary school. Make sure all addresses are yours.

Ask the girls what they want - here in Scotland we don't have Cafcass. My middle child (aged 11) now has his own solicitor so that his voice can be heard. He is the only one who wishes to maintain a relationship with me but he is finding it difficult to stand up to his dad.

Get the passports (say your going to the Christmas markets or something), make sure you have their birth certificates (my own solicitor gave mine to his solicitor so he didn't have to pay for copies!!!).

Start taking control and saying no. Not easy I know - they make you feel that it's you that is being unreasonable.

Your course of action really depends on whether your girls want to spend time with him or not and they are now at the age where they can express what they want.

lala9

deedee71 wrote: »

The OP could have been written by me and I would urge you to take action right now as I've now lost all 3 of my children to a controlling bully and his new girlfriend (who God help us is a children's social worker). I too thought 4 nights/3 nights was fair as it was me breaking up the marriage. Worst thing I ever did.

He is changing the address at the surgery and probably the dentist, optician etc so that he can get the Child Benefit. When he gets this he will also get the Tax Credits and he will have total control. And we both know that's more what it's about rather than what is best for the children. After that it's more or less a done deal. Soon you will be paying him through the CSA.

You must seek legal advice right now. Get the primary school on board and as suggested make sure their places are secured at your secondary school. Make sure all addresses are yours.

Ask the girls what they want - here in Scotland we don't have Cafcass. My middle child (aged 11) now has his own solicitor so that his voice can be heard. He is the only one who wishes to maintain a relationship with me but he is finding it difficult to stand up to his dad.

Get the passports (say your going to the Christmas markets or something), make sure you have their birth certificates (my own solicitor gave mine to his solicitor so he didn't have to pay for copies!!!).

Start taking control and saying no. Not easy I know - they make you feel that it's you that is being unreasonable.

Your course of action really depends on whether your girls want to spend time with him or not and they are now at the age where they can express what they want.

Hi Deedee, so sorry to hear your story, that is terrible and makes me very angry. It really is not easy trying to take control, it just doesn't happen for me which is why I have no option but to go legal now. I just cannot believe your situation. If you don't mind me asking why did your children chose to live with him, manipulation?