Me and My Girls

sassyblue

STOCKWIRE wrote: »

Sorry but he sounds like a father who cares for his daughters. It's normally a mother who does the things that you mention ~ does that make her a controlling bully ?. If he took a back step and left everything to you, you would be accusing him of abandoning them. It's ok for you to go for full custody but he can't .

As usual the father is in the wrong and its all his fault !!.

Good God! Read it again, if this was a woman doing it she'd be a bully and a control freak.

From the OP's post:

not a nice ending but it had to happen due to the sort of person he is.

Worst mistake I have ever made not having them full time, but I was brow beaten into it at the time.

Ever since I have been bullied by him, and then in 2008 he met his wife who joined his bullying antics.

I have been undermined as a mother left, right and centre and feel like I am useless.

Everything has to be his way with little or no consultation with me.

He has told me he wants them schooled in the town he now lives and live with him full time and claims I cannot look after them properly.

I went to take one of my daughters to the doctors, when I telephoned to book in the receptionist informed me that she was no longer registered at the surgery, he had moved them

he is an intimidating and manipulative character.

asked if I minded the girls ears being pierced, I said yes I do mind and I don't want it done, the next thing I know they have been done!

constantly critisized and pulled up on any little thing. I am scared,

the girls are happy here and want to go to high school here, but they are also scared of him and her

It went legal a couple of years ago after receiving alot of harrassment from him

He controls everything,

I have to ask for passports to take them away and he is quick to get them back,

I cannot shop with my girls for new school shoes she has to do it, they cut their hair without my say so

I cannot enrol them in any clubs here as on his week he will not let them attend.

One xmas he took them and just didn't bring them back on the agreed date

---

Caring, my ar5e! :eek: The kids should be coming FIRST where's he asking or doing what THEY want?

lala9

Flee wrote: »

Speak to a solicitor and take this letter with you, with any other letters or evidence of his bullying. You need to put a stop to his bullying and make sure that your children know what is going on. Have you spoken to them about what he proposes to do, or has he spoken to them?

Morning Flee. I have an appointment next Thursday with a solicitor. I have told my children what he proposes. Which I feel guilty about, but I consider they are old enough to deal with and make their own mind up, but I am worried this will put pressure on them. They do not want to live there full time and want to go to the school here. His wife has told them that they can choose between the two schools in their new area. I intend on replying to his letter telling him how it is.

lala9

sassyblue wrote: »

Good God! Read it again, if this was a woman doing it she'd be a bully and a control freak.

From the OP's post:

not a nice ending but it had to happen due to the sort of person he is.

Worst mistake I have ever made not having them full time, but I was brow beaten into it at the time.

Ever since I have been bullied by him, and then in 2008 he met his wife who joined his bullying antics.

I have been undermined as a mother left, right and centre and feel like I am useless.

Everything has to be his way with little or no consultation with me.

He has told me he wants them schooled in the town he now lives and live with him full time and claims I cannot look after them properly.

I went to take one of my daughters to the doctors, when I telephoned to book in the receptionist informed me that she was no longer registered at the surgery, he had moved them

he is an intimidating and manipulative character.

asked if I minded the girls ears being pierced, I said yes I do mind and I don't want it done, the next thing I know they have been done!

constantly critisized and pulled up on any little thing. I am scared,

the girls are happy here and want to go to high school here, but they are also scared of him and her

It went legal a couple of years ago after receiving alot of harrassment from him

He controls everything,

I have to ask for passports to take them away and he is quick to get them back,

I cannot shop with my girls for new school shoes she has to do it, they cut their hair without my say so

I cannot enrol them in any clubs here as on his week he will not let them attend.

One xmas he took them and just didn't bring them back on the agreed date

---

Caring, my ar5e! :eek: The kids should be coming FIRST where's he asking or doing what THEY want?

Thanks Sassy.

He wants what is convenient to him and what pleases his wife, he doesn't care who he treads on in the process. I also have the unfortunate situation whereby we work at the same company and until recently in the same department, he contributed to the departure of 6 members of staff! By a campaign of bullying.

Flee_2

Morning Lala, you should not feel guilty about talking to your children about it. It will help you and them come to terms with it. My two children are 10 and 7 years old and i discuss things with them that affect their lives. I make sure that if any changes happen that my kids are happy with it. For example my ex wanted kids to stay over a Thursday night, before I agreed I asked my kids and told them they had a choice at any time to change their mind.
There will be no pressure on your children from you, but they may decide that their Dad is putting too much pressure on them and that they do not want to be controlled by him.
I would not respond to his letter yet, this is probably what he wants. Make sure that you write down everything you have told us on here, when you go to the solicitors. I am sure that having kids ears pierced and cutting their hair without your say so, is a kind of abuse to your kids.
Good luck.

willow_loulou

Talk to the children, the school, the school councellor, change the gp surgery back and insit that the surgery consult you if any attempt to move them again occours. Start logging everything, think about when he moved the gp,write it down anything and everything no matter how small then get your self a different and better legal adviser.
If the girls understand the hugeness of him taking them (which he cant with out full custody ordder now, if he tries call the police!) they will I am sure be able to articulte their wish for the status quo to remain or to live with you full time. He has no more right to full custody than you do and the sooner you stand up to him the better it will be for all of you.

Good luck x

lala9

willow_loulou wrote: »

Talk to the children, the school, the school councellor, change the gp surgery back and insit that the surgery consult you if any attempt to move them again occours. Start logging everything, think about when he moved the gp,write it down anything and everything no matter how small then get your self a different and better legal adviser.
If the girls understand the hugeness of him taking them (which he cant with out full custody ordder now, if he tries call the police!) they will I am sure be able to articulte their wish for the status quo to remain or to live with you full time. He has no more right to full custody than you do and the sooner you stand up to him the better it will be for all of you.

Good luck x

Just a thought willow, if I change the doctors back, does that not look bad on me, tit for tat and all that.

willow_loulou

You could see it that way, ask you solicitor - for me its ensuring continuity of medical care for your children

Flee_2

No it will not look bad on you. The girls live with you and you should be able to take them to the doctors, not have to wait until he or she takes them. Change everything back to how it was and demand that you be consulted if any attempted changes happen.

newcook

lala9 wrote: »

Just a thought willow, if I change the doctors back, does that not look bad on me, tit for tat and all that.

no - it shows that you are standing up for yourself and he cannot keep changing things without your say-so or consultation.

buy yourself a recording device (unless you have an app for this...!) so when he calls you can record the conversations - then you have evidence to prove that he and his wife are bullying and intimidating.

lala9

I will see what the solicitor suggests on Thursday. I have also contacted the school for an appointment to discuss things. Where the conversations are concerned I have told him to contact me in writing now as I am sick of being on speaker phone and probably recorded and being insulted to boot. No insults in his letters as you can imagine but very very condescending.