Lucky 13

LianneH

fingers crossed it gets written off, the fact at the CAB suggested it sounds like its a possiblity. keeping my fingers crossed for you!

enjoy your makeup and well done on the PAD x

chevalier

didn't want to read and run. and sorry if i am out of turn.

you were having a rant about him wanting a nice car etc. now ok i agree that to pay 50 50 for something, when a) you earn less and b) it is mainly for him is a bit rich, BUT you were saying about how he can't see the big picture.

Well that is because you are hiding some of the big picture from him! How can he be considerate of your feelings about money if he doesn't know the extent of your debt. Same with the house.

You say he is good with money, so why not let him help you and support you. The only way to do that is to tell him of course.

Really feel for you about the housing benefit over payment. Can I just point out that you are BOTH down that much a month, and BOTH owe a debt of £1100 currently. You HAVE told him about this haven't you?

good luck in however you move forward
chev

ps the longer you leave it to tell him, the more upset he will be when (note i say when not if) he finds out

yellow3

Hi guys,
No chev, you are not out of turn and have given me some food for thought.
I don't know why I keep things to myself, I really don't. It's not just with OH I do it with everyone, and yes it always does more harm than good. Oh gosh i think I need a councillor!
Today's plans consist of going to work and not much else, need petrol, and it's charity day in work so will take some change for tea and a cake but apart from the petrol today's spends should be teeny tiny.
Checked the bank acc and that's looking ok, need to check my other bank acc but need my pin machine thingy so will do that later.
Cap1 looking ok, will be looking better once my pad hits tomorrow, then I think I may be at the half way point (or not far off).
Have decided that I will continue paying cap 1 as I have been but once the balance reaches under 100.00 I will clear it with my savings.
I'm itching to tackle Vanquis, the interest makes me baulk!!!!!!

Right off to get dressed for work
Yellow x

yellow3

Nsd today, yey!!
Received letters re my supposed debt for 1100 and the figures look waaaayyy out to me! Will take it to the cab on tue.

I witnessed something before that made me put some things into perspective and I've realised I might put myself down, but overall I'm not doing a terrible job and actually I AM holding things together ok.
I have a job
I can drive
I have a car
I have a small emergency fund
I have some shares
I am aware and dealing with my debts
I have no debt collectors chasing me
I have a daughter who means the world to me
I have a fianc! and we are happy together
I pay ALL bills on time
I have a nice home

I have plenty to be grateful for!

Yellow x

Not toooo bad really

Shower-of-roses

Yellow you sound so like me it's untrue! Even your diary reads like my spends diary with things to do and things done and ticks and carry overs.

I never told my OH about my debt either. I do think it was a contributory factor in our splitting up. I just never coped very well with the deceit. I'm also a bit secretive about personal stuff. Goodness knows what I'm doing here! I hate to think of you struggling all on your own with this. I suppose one never knows how a partner would take this kind of thing. I always thought my ex would kill me, but I'm not so sure now with distance. I think for certain he'd have been cross but I'm sure he would have helped in the long run. Other factors got in the way also. I think ultimately if you love someone, you kinda forgive them. Ah we'll never know!! A lot of my debt was about covering for my ex in terms of giving the kids a nice xmas...but on credit etc. I tried to protect him from the cost of stuff....naive or what!!! Water under the bridge now. Unfortunately my LBM came along a lot later so you have a chance of getting yourself clear. I'm routing for you.

I love your 'to be grateful for' list. I do this quite a bit, mentally telling myself I should be grateful for what I've got......sometimes it works, often it doesn't. You are right though, being aware of what you're spending certainly goes some way to dealing with your debt. I hope I've turned a corner just like you definitely have.

Don't let the ba****ds get you down Yellow, keep fighting and good luck!

yellow3

Hi shower, what a lovely post, thank you!
I will discuss the loan with OH at some point, just not yet, the debt levels are too scary and I don't think he would cope very well. He's lived such a sheltered life, spoilt by his parents and then spoilt by me I think he would have a fit!!
He's never had to deal with anything like this before and I think he would want to talk about it constantly which would do me more harm than good tbh.
Plus i know for a fact he would tell people, he can't keep a secret even about matters bigger than this, so parents would know, then I have to do the whole explanation thing again, and I suppose its the feeling of being judged.
Another thing is I always say I'm skint cos I work part time and he accepts that without question, if he knew it was cos of debt he would throw it back in my face, I just know he would, I know exactly what he's like.
I promise one thing though, as soon as I get myself straight, we have THE chat and i lay my cards on the table I am never keeping things to myself again!!!!!!

Shower-of-roses

We live in a very small village and that was also a concern of mine. LOL, my bloke didn't know how to use a debit card so I think you could say his life was sheltered also!!!!

LianneH

Yellow, of course its up to you, however take it from someone who was on the other side.

I was the OH that didn't know about the debt! HIS debt built up cause, in his words "hes rubbish with money". Anyway after being upset and angry for a while, we worked out a plan and the debt became OURS. Some would say love is blind, but i made my decision and stuck to it! I am quite a private person, especially when it comes to money and I didnt tell anyone about our debt as I didn't want them to judge me for making it OUR debt!

That big debt is now gone, and its all a distant memory (kinda!). I do remember at the time feeling betrayed as he didn't tell me, but I understood as he was so ashamed, hiding it was starting to make him ill. the whole thing changed him at the time and I do remember thinking he was hiding something... my mind was thinking something far worse! We are now so open about money and make descisions together that effect the family purse...this keeps us both on track!!
L x

yellow3

Hiya guys
Shower my OH had never used a debit card before we met! U sure there not related!!
Lianne I feel terrible hiding it from him, but strangely feel as if I'm protecting it from him. I tend to protect him from a lot if life's little realities!!!! That said I can't wait to be honest.
Managed a NSD today. Yey!!!
Currently sat in bed watching strictly admiring claudia winklemans hair!!

Fun evening with the family planned tomorrow for Halloween, ribs, chicken, duck apple, scary masks, DD in her cat costume!! I can't wait

Happy Halloween in advance
Yellow x

Shower-of-roses

Enjoy your party you deserve it.