PLEASE HELP - How to let a dying man down gently

cjj_2

Hi
Thanks again for all your help.
He was not round last night as he was having chemo oh says. Guess he will be back in 48 hours though and I am ready. Honest lol im gonna say something x

reeree

cjj wrote: »

Hi
Thanks again for all your help.
He was not round last night as he was having chemo oh says. Guess he will be back in 48 hours though and I am ready. Honest lol im gonna say something x

that's great, let us know how it goes x

Seanymph

Good for you. Be brave - you've got about a 100 people here behind you!

I wouldn't put anyone through what my step daughter went through with this woman using her for her own emotional gratification.

All power to you - let us know how you get on.

jonty1970

I went to an assertive class last year. The lady who ran it was very confident and inspired me to try and be like her.
She used to be quiet as a mouse, but learnt how to be firm and say no.
She was great and sometimes, I have thought what she would do, or say in certain situations.
I have her voice in my head saying "get it done" or "speak your mind"

That gives me confidence to do things.

Just think of us in your hall behind you, when you tell him no, he can't come in!

And visualize your home, with your hubby and family and he is not n your life.

Poor man, if he is really ill, but he is not your family and not your problem.

jonty1970

Seanymph wrote: »

At my kids school a mum had cancer - no hair, headscarf, weekly chemo. She had a lot of church support, they used to go in and cook for her, the kids received counselling (four of them) my SD befriended the daughter because her mum died of cancer, this woman used to ask her a lot of questions about her mum when she visited and say what a big help she was.
After nearly two years of this it transpired she was faking the lot. Her husband took her to the hospital, but never went in she made him wait outside, whilst she drank coffee in the cafe, she hung around the clinics and learnt the names, and got appointment cards somehow, she shaved her hair and pulled it out........ the husband had suspicions but couldn't think it of her so didn't challenge her.
When it all came down around her they changed church, focused on her 'mental health issues' and sought sympathy for that instead of the cancer.
She moved her kids schools - last I heard about a year ago she had 'just been diagnosed with cancer' again at the new school.
This woman was a parasite - and needed taking away from her children for their safety, she never was.

Was this the woman that was in the papers? There was a woman who claimed to have cancer and people raised thousands to help the family!

Seanymph

I don't know if it was in the papers - I think they tried to hush it up, claiming she was mentally vulnerable or some such rubbish. Social services went around and decided the kids 'weren't at risk' - that we found astonishing being as they'd spent two years preparing for their mothers non-death.
The church continued to support her because now she wasn't terminal, but nuts......... and she moved school, moved church, and to my knowledge has started again.
The only reason I'm so angry is because she abused my 14 year old step daughter who had lost her mum when she was 9 to stomach cancer. And she relived the hospital visits, treatments, and ultimately death scene apparently with this woman thinking she was helping this woman help her kids. The pain she went through when she found out it was a fabrication would give me the strength to strangle her with my bare hands I swear!
Anyway, I only put it because people DO lie, convincingly, and for along time. Obviously they are very sick individuals - but this woman had a support network in the 100's between the church and mums at school doing the school run and clubs etc for her........ and it was all a lie.
So there are some nasty nasty people about.
And having some self preservation and standing clear of them is definitely not a selfish thing to do.
I think his family not being supportive - and a list of his reasons why - rings alarm bells.

19lottie82

OP, apologies if this has been covered, but does he LOOK ill?

I'm no medical expert, but I'd assume that if someone has been diagnosed with x months to live, they wouldn't look too healthy...

cjj_2

Hi everyone. I cant honestly say he looks ill. Think oh has seen him looking ill though x Thanks again

wannabe_sybil

The poor man may be telling the truth. On the chance that he isn't, thought, are there any food he has trouble with? My late mother really struggled with lots of different foods and nausea when she had chemo. She couldn't touch any fried food, spicy food or rich food.

Perhaps you could just ask him if there are any 'super foods' that you should include on the one night per week that you will feed him. My late mother stuffed with watercress until she loathed the sight of it.

Seanymph

Even if he is telling the truth then the OP would be doing his family a favour pushing him back in that direction - in case his time really IS limited.
But I have read it all carefully, and experienced it first hand, and I don't think I'd put a wager on him being genuinely terminally ill with cancer.