Partner dismissed - am in despair

Emmzi

Dad is a better person that I am. I would be deeply concerned about putting my personal reputation on the line.

Why can't he do his cv himself? You and dad are fixing asll his problems for him. Not a great start to "new hubby"

warez22

I do agree. But OH is not computer literate at all.

My dad will just be worrying about me and the kids and to a certain extent so am I.

If he can get a job with Dad's reference me and the kids are safe financially - then if he doesnt buck up and I kick him out then again it will be easier.

I am thinking about it from a purely selfish point of view - for me and the kids - if that means doing it for him temporarily then I am willing to do it.

My kids are my priority and though I hate to say it, not by OH.:(

Emmzi

well, OH can write the cv, and then you can type it for him. If you don't get him engaged in the process, then how have there been any consequences at all for him?

Is a bit Jo Frost, but that's where his head seems to be

(from a woman who lived with a dopehead for 2 years and it would always be better in "just a little while longer." If he isn't going to shape up, best find that out now and get on with your life.)

warez22

Sad thing is I have been with him for 15 years!

The CV is already saved and typed up - I have asked him to update it write it down and I will then amend it when I come home.

I do agree that i have taken the 'mother' role for far too long - he just thinks he can do what he wants when he wants - I am going to lay it down tonight how disappointed I am in him and hope that spurs him on to be a 'man'.

And this is 'cannabis' - you know the harmless stuff that is all 'peace and love' - yeah right.

Emmzi

15 years?

You already know what to do.

Savvy_Sue

Do you smoke yourself warez? I know it's none of my business, but if you do, you might seriously help him by giving that up yourself. You know all the arguments, but there's so much help on the NHS now, it would be worth thinking about.

And if you don't, and he's willing, I'd get him off to the GP to get started on Stop Smoking.

BTW, don't take any nonsense about the smell lingering on his clothes from being with others who are smoking it. He needs to lose those friends. They are not the kind he needs ...

warez22

No I dont Sue - have been talking to you on the stop smoking thread - doing the couch to 5k - had a bit of a relapse over the weekend but will get back on the horse.

I have never taken drugs of any kind and dont know how I sort of got myself in a situation with someone who did.

When my sister met her husband he smoked weed but then when they got married and had kids he did the mature thing and gave it all up which I sort of thought that's how it worked. But alas in my case it didnt.

This has been a HUGE wake up call for me - he has got a very short period of time to turn it around or he is out I'm afraid.

I always thought that because we had children together the main aim was to stay together and I do love him. But putting me and the kids through this I am not so sure.

Savvy_Sue

warez22 wrote: »

No I dont Sue - have been talking to you on the stop smoking thread - doing the couch to 5k - had a bit of a relapse over the weekend but will get back on the horse.

I'm not on the stop smoking thread, must be some other Sue ...

It's time for the tough love. You love him to bits, BUT loving someone doesn't mean letting them do what they like. Loving them means you always want what's best for them. And you love your kids as well, and what's best for THEM certainly isn't growing up in a situation where drugs are normalised. He may deny it affects them (apart from when he loses his job, of course!) but it does. Even kids as young as yours aren't daft, they know!

But make sure he knows you love him, too much to let this carry on.

Hope the interview goes well.

heretolearn_2

Fingers crossed with the job interview tomorrow.

montyrebel

IMO he got what he deserved