Partner dismissed - am in despair

KiKi

warez22 wrote: »

He has worked there for 6 years so it's quite a biggy on his cv.

I will see tomorrow at work whether I can go full time - but even then he will need to find some sort of work.

With regard to the drugs - I think he does mean it. Time will tell.

Totally fed up that he has done this to me and the children. But silver lining and all that maybe this will be a new start for him drug free which will have a HUGE impact on me and the kids.

x

Good luck, OP. The TU, if nothing else, will be able to ensure that the investigation and likely disciplinary is done properly. It's *possible* that if he demonstrates an active commitment to getting help that they may agree to a neutral reference, but I think even that is a big stretch.

Please do visit the Debt-Free Wannabe board as they'll be able to help with any concerns about dealing with costs, bills and the like in the next few months. Better to take action sooner and prevent any debt issues rather than later.

Best of luck with it all, and keep posting if you need any more support.

KiKi

Savvy_Sue

Big :T to custardy for providing just the right kind of help.

warez22 wrote: »

I will see tomorrow at work whether I can go full time - but even then he will need to find some sort of work.

Too right: otherwise he'll have too much time on his hands!

warez22 wrote: »

With regard to the drugs - I think he does mean it. Time will tell.

Totally fed up that he has done this to me and the children. But silver lining and all that maybe this will be a new start for him drug free which will have a HUGE impact on me and the kids.

I'm guessing you knew he did drugs, just not how much / when / where. And I don't know how old your children are, but you at least would probably benefit from some support in dealing with this - I can't see anything on the NA website about support to families, but if there's a local drugs project they might provide some. Your GP should know - and while you might have 'kept this quiet' until now, that's not necessarily the best way to handle it.

Thing is, addicts often don't see how their behaviour affects others. And families often don't know how not to 'enable' addicts: the situation becomes normalised when it's not actually normal.

And, of course, he may not see himself as an addict - just a little bit of cannabis, where's the harm? Well, here's the harm, no job because he couldn't stay off it at work!

donquine wrote: »

You said in your original post that he had finally reached "rock bottom"- has he refused help before? Is he now making positive noises?

You sound fed up, but you don't sound as if this is the last straw? It sounds like your OH has done something stupid and you're annoyed, not that you would actually leave him if he didn't actively make steps to try and address his problem. Does he realise how important becoming drug free is to you and the kids? This is a pretty big thing.

If you work full time, who will look after the kids? If your OH is so addicted to drugs he does them at work (which everyone knows is a stupid idea), are you confident he won't do drugs when looking after your children (which is an even stupider idea)? If he is truly an addict, just because he says he won't do something, even if he does mean it, doesn't mean he'll stick to his word.

I think those are very wise words ...

sukysue

also while you have been doing everything to pay off your mortgage he has been spending money on cannibis what a jerk!

Also if he resigns does that mean he cannot claim jsa ?

Good luck m'dear I'm so sorry for your predicament I really feel like shaking your hubbs for causing you all this trouble.

donquine

sukysue wrote: »

Also if he resigns does that mean he cannot claim jsa ?

Pretty much. If his contract is terminated for a reason other than GM, he may be able to claim JSA. If he resigns or is fired for GM, he will be sanctioned for a certain period, i.e. won't get anything.

missiemog

is there not a D&A policy available from his HR? there is a chance (tiny though it may be) that if he speaks with the union and his HR and admits that he has some 'dependency issues' that this will be take into consideration and there might be a chance he could keep his job on a final warning with a proviso he goes to counselling.

worth asking the question, even if the answer is no.

Spirit_2

missiemog wrote: »

is there not a D&A policy available from his HR? there is a chance (tiny though it may be) that if he speaks with the union and his HR and admits that he has some 'dependency issues' that this will be take into consideration and there might be a chance he could keep his job on a final warning with a proviso he goes to counselling.

worth asking the question, even if the answer is no.

This is a fair point. It may the tricky bit is his aggression when challenged. As an employer managing an addict in the workplace is very difficult.

Milkshock

sukysue wrote: »

also while you have been doing everything to pay off your mortgage he has been spending money on cannibis what a jerk!

Also if he resigns does that mean he cannot claim jsa ?

Good luck m'dear I'm so sorry for your predicament I really feel like shaking your hubbs for causing you all this trouble.

good point re jsa hadnt thought of that

warez22

Thanks guys.

He is going to ring the union tomorrow - it's worth a go.

With regard to it being the final straw - I think it will be if i 6 weeks time he has no job.

Funny thing is I am working full time until the end of the month. I asked to go back down to 3 days a week as I had a minor heart attack at work and so asked to reduce my hours back down to reduce stress - yeah right. So I am not sure what reaction I will get if I go in and say I have changed my mind.

I do think he does mean it with regard to the drugs - I obviously knew that he did it and it was a source of many an argument but he was in its grasp I suppose and couldnt see it. But he does seem to now - now that he has lost everything.

I am so upset but what good will that do? What's the point in making him feel any worse about himself than he does already.

I have put in a cosmic order anyway that everything will work out - cant hurt can it - but in the meantime I am going to have to seriously look at our finances and cut right back and squirrel away as much as I can just in case he doesnt find a job within the required period.

After that - god knows..................

Hammyman

warez22 wrote: »

He is a member of the union but he hasn't approached them yet as he doesnt seem to think there is any point - I dont know whether there is or not:(

There isn't. Drug abuse is gross misconduct. Assaulting other staff is gross misconduct. He has lost his job.

Hammyman

Milkshock wrote: »

look this poor woman needs any straw to clutch at.

Giving them false hope and bad advice DOES NOT HELP.