Partner dismissed - am in despair

warez22

He did definitely get what he deserved that is not in dispute.

It is working out how my family and I (with or without OH) can survive.:)

montyrebel

without him imo, drug addicts should not be your problem

warez22

who's not seeing the bigger picture, me or montyrebel?

sukysue

Warez you must do what you think is right for yourself and your kids ..... don't get drawn into baiting by other posters here .. good luck m'dear.

warez22

Thank you, it's very easy to judge other people.

I have had some extremely constructive advise and support on here for which I am eternally grateful.

Hopefully we will all be back on our feet in no time and OH will have sorted out his problems for the sake of his family.

And to all the doubters, do you know what, sometimes it DOES happen. Not always, but sometimes, and that is good enough odds for me.:)

skintandscared_2

If he WANTS to quit, he will quit. Please don't see it as anything personal to you... but keeping everything crossed that he wants to do it for his family.

Am in a situation where we've tried everything to help someone get clean (something much worse than cannabis I'm afraid) and they have today been sent back to jail for the 3rd time.... They say they want to be clean and we keep everything crossed that "maybe this time...?"

I wish you all the luck in the world but DON'T enable him to carry on and don't feel like you are being harsh by pushing him to step up and be there for his family!!

Savvy_Sue

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Addiction is a very hard thing to break and chances are there will be slips along the way. However if he is serious about stopping then he should look at going to meetings such as Narcotics Anonymous.

Forgot to say when I posted the link to them the other day, you don't have to be clean to attend meetings. That is partly why I said then that his response to going to meetings could be a clue to his real intentions: if he won't countenance it, then I'd be concerned.

bazra wrote: »

You've probably been an unwitting enabler for years without even realizing it, which is why saying it should not be your problem is not very helpful because the reality is it IS your problem & has been for years.

The first half is very true, but warez does IMO need to start working out where her responsibilities for the future begin and end. It won't be her fault if her partner doesn't 'step up', and it won't be her fault if he quits and slips a few times.

skintandscared wrote: »

If he WANTS to quit, he will quit. Please don't see it as anything personal to you... but keeping everything crossed that he wants to do it for his family.

Am in a situation where we've tried everything to help someone get clean (something much worse than cannabis I'm afraid) and they have today been sent back to jail for the 3rd time.... They say they want to be clean and we keep everything crossed that "maybe this time...?"

I wish you all the luck in the world but DON'T enable him to carry on and don't feel like you are being harsh by pushing him to step up and be there for his family!!

In the end, an addict has to decide to do it for themselves. Not for their family, not for their job, but for themselves.

It does often take several attempts to go through the detox process successfully.

warez22

Thank you for all the constructive advice.

He has been clean today, said he spent most of the day crying and has booked himself in to see the Doctor on Wednesday.

Interview tomorrow, fingers crossed.

Onwards and upwards.:)

purple.sarah

sukysue wrote: »

also while you have been doing everything to pay off your mortgage he has been spending money on cannibis what a jerk!

Also if he resigns does that mean he cannot claim jsa ?

Good luck m'dear I'm so sorry for your predicament I really feel like shaking your hubbs for causing you all this trouble.

Not for a certain period of time, however I don't think he could claim anyway with the hours his wife works.

donquine

warez22 wrote: »

Thank you for all the constructive advice.

He has been clean today, said he spent most of the day crying and has booked himself in to see the Doctor on Wednesday.

Interview tomorrow, fingers crossed.

Onwards and upwards.:)

This is such great news - the fact that he's actually booked himself into see the doctor shows he's willing to take action, rather than just say nice words. I really hope the appointment tomorrow goes well and the doctor refers him on for some proper help.

I also hope the interview goes well today.:)

If your OH finally deals with his drugs problem, getting himself fired at work may actually turn out to be the best thing that happened to your family. I really hope so, anyway. Your OH may have brought this mess on himself, as said by other posters, but that doesn't mean you and your children ever deserved to be in this position. I hope this is the start of better things for you all - he's a lucky man to have you stick by him. I'm not sure I would have done.

purple.sarah wrote: »

Not for a certain period of time, however I don't think he could claim anyway with the hours his wife works.

Contributions based JSA does not take into account partner income. However, you are subject to the same sanctions as for income based JSA - i.e. resign or get yourself fired and you'll generally not be able to get a penny for a while.