Would you marry someone who's in +£80K Debt??

downsizer3

RAS - just for clarity - I'm referring to a situation based in Scotland. In the eyes of the law here - if you are seen to live as man and wife you will be treated the same when it comes to a split.
Thats what happened to me at least and upon my ex's insovency the joint property ( and all my equity therein - he had a small amount) became 'mutual'. My only escape was to sell - but even then I was forced to retain enough in a 'pot' to cover his liabilites for 3 years. All this despite my having a legal document from the point of purchase detailing both our capital inputs.
I was therefore not unwary - I was however told untuths about my ex's financial predicament. Its not the debts that were the problem - more his unwillingness to deal with it - and I was trying to offer my experience to the OP.

silvdo

Look, love and money are not linked if you love him you wont be able to live without him. so its not really a choice. But what you should do is insist that he deals with his debts one way or another before moving in with him or marrying him. That way its a level playing field and all planned out beofre you enter in to any arrangement.

Think about it this way if yu'd met him a few years ago would you have been asking wether you should marry a sucsessful businessman, Probebly not, but then you would have married him and the business then fails and youd be in exactly the same situation. would you be asking should you divorce him because of a failed business?

even if it doesn't effect your credit score aor financial obligations dealing with his debt will effect your life. But as with everyone elses debt there is a wayout and there is a way forward. But he needs to get help and soemhow get together a plan to deal with it. Once hes dont that i think it will only be a small thinag and youll be free from it before you know it.

The key is not the size of the debt but the steps hes taking to reduce it.

RAS

downsizer3 wrote: »

RAS - just for clarity - I'm referring to a situation based in Scotland. In the eyes of the law here - if you are seen to live as man and wife you will be treated the same when it comes to a split.
Thats what happened to me at least and upon my ex's insovency the joint property ( and all my equity therein - he had a small amount) became 'mutual'. My only escape was to sell - but even then I was forced to retain enough in a 'pot' to cover his liabilites for 3 years. All this despite my having a legal document from the point of purchase detailing both our capital inputs.
I was therefore not unwary - I was however told untuths about my ex's financial predicament. Its not the debts that were the problem - more his unwillingness to deal with it - and I was trying to offer my experience to the OP.

Hi

I suspected that your situation was covered by Scottish law because of the reference to 2 years.

If you go over to the BR forum here you will find cases where the OR in England has decided that the BR has BI in property in which they live but for which they are not on the deeds; usually from distraught property owners who did not realise this could happen.

However

babyb06

Really interesting comments to MasterPoo's thread. My situation is different, but some similar thoughts to MasterPoo about the future.

My OH confessed to mortgage arrears a couple of weeks ago, add this to the negative equity in his property and it is a huge debt - so some his fault, some not his fault. What I am struggling to get over is how little he has paid off the arrears in the last couple of years when he could afford A LOT more and that it took him over 2 years to confess all to me - despite numerous conversations where he stated he had no debt etc. He says he lied through fear - that I would leave him and/or think bad of him for getting into debt.

The lack of honesty and lack of effort on his part worry me greatly, We had a future plan that cannot play out now because of his debts. I love him, but want to be married before I have kids, it will be years and years before we can marry because of his debts (lack of money mostly but also not wanting to be linked financially) and so years and years before we can have a family and the future we talked about.

People on this thread have said love is the important thing, if you have that you'll get through it, but you also need to think of your future - are there things you want that you won't be able to have if you marry him and if so, will you feel contempt towards him in the future?

You need to protect your kids and you. You need to see if the two of you together can make a workable plan for the future. We are trying to work on a plan now - fingers crossed it works!

January20

patman99 wrote: »

One thing wasn't mentioned, whether he was a sole trader or a limited company. If he was trading as a limited company, then it would explain why he has not made any attempt to pay-off the debt and is waiting for HMRC to start BR proceedings against the company. In this case, unless it can be proven that he took an excessive salary in the final year, he will personally owe nothing.

If on the other hand, he was a sole trader, then the debt is all his and in the OP's shoes I would only agree to marry him if he took control of said debt and cleared-off half of it first.

Btw OP, how old are his children?. When they hit 16 he should no longer be paying for them, this will free-up money to plough into the debt.

Not strictly true: if they are in adult education, and remain to study A levels for instance, he could be paying maintenance until they are 18.

immoral_angeluk

MasterPoo wrote: »

Hi,

From the title I sound like a shallow individual right?? I'm trying not to be, afterall, "everyone" has debt, but do I REALLY want to marry someone with THAT much debt???:eek: I'm now thinking I DO NOT want to marry them! Do I love them, Yes!

Reason for this post is, how do I ensure I am not saddled with this debt??? Im researching signing a pre-nup to protect myself and my assets (Im not rich just have a mortgage, and some savings etc., not much but I've worked hard to acquire the things I have AND I have to protect my 2 children) any other advice will be most welcome!

I would marry someone with 80k IF they were facing up to it and dealing with it.

If they had their head in the sand then it's not the most reassuring of scenarios to want to get yourself tied financially to. Although legally you wouldn't be liable for the debt, it could potentially affect your credit rating if you are associated and also the impact of their behaviour could cause massive problems in the future.