Would you marry someone who's in +£80K Debt??

Amara

You're not shallow, you're sensible. 80K is a lot of money, you can buy a house for it. I undrestand this person doesn't earn a massive salary, otherwise you woudn't see this as a big deal. Hard decision, but propably not, specially there're children ivolved here.

MasterPoo

Thank you all so much for taking the time to answer. Debt was due to failed business, he's now working but making no plans to pay it off!!! He's on £30K pa, but with maintenance for his kids (x2) etc. that sum quickly equates to £00!!! He currently rents.

I actually don't even think I would want him to move in with us as I've been told before that after living with me he could potentially claim on half of my property! I'm employed, earn £42K pa, and DO NOT want anything to do with his debt! Its really a sad state of affairs! SIGH!!

aliasojo

In that situation OP, I would love from a distance.

dell33

Personally no. Many moons ago when I was in my early twenties I probably would have but you seem financially secure and having two kids you have to think how this debt would impact on them, then my answer would be no. As previous poster said I would love from a distance.

Hermia

aliasojo wrote: »

In that situation OP, I would love from a distance.

My thoughts exactly! As someone who is very careful with money I would not want to financially associate myself with someone with such a large debt. I honestly don't know if I could even live with someone until they had paid it off & shown me it really was a one-off. If I had kids I would be even more careful.

As well as worrying about your financial security you should also think about what lifestyle you would have with this person. My friend married someone with huge debts and has always been very supportive of him and she works hard to pay the bills so that most of his income goes to paying off the debt. But, the is now getting tired and resentful because she hasn't had a holiday in years and can't afford to do anything nice. She is angry that she is having to live incredibly frugally when she did not run up the debt. If you managed to save up for a little holiday for the kids would you mind paying for your chap as well? Will you lead separate social lives if he can't pay?

vixx

OP, if you really love each other then you both have to fight to be together.
You mentioned that he isn't bothered about paying off the debt, I would sit down together and explain you are not prepared to enter a marriage based on that much debt.
Maybe you can, together, come up with a way to get the debt down. Make him see you will not enter a marriage until he makes steps to pay off the debt.

If he has no property to consider then there are options, but he has to want to do it.

Thegirl

A couple of things, in this country pre nups are not valid, they show intent but are not legally binding.

Regarding him moving in with you, I love the advice people give on this. If you move in with someone else people tell you to get on the mortgage or you'll be entitled to nothing, if someone moves in with you then people tell you they can take half of your house. I would always advise seeking independent advice and if you are thinking of him moving in with you get a tenancy agreement set up.
However, my experience of this with friends is that if you buy a house and both move in to it together, yet only one person is on the mortgage, the other, unamed person may have a legal claim as it could be argued that it was bought as a family home, especially if you then have children together, although this is by no means guarenteed. The flip side of this, a friend of mine moved in with her boyfriend who already owned a house, they had a child together and lived together for six years, when she left she had no legal claim on the property.

If I were in your shoes I would not marry someone who wasn't dealing with the debt. The debt on it's own wouldn't put me off, but ignoring it, that would. I know how long it took me to face up to my debts and deal with them effectively, waiting for someone else to do the same with that much debt hanging over them, not for me.

Good luck whatever you decide.

russabbott

MasterPoo wrote: »

Hi,

From the title I sound like a shallow individual right?? I'm trying not to be, afterall, "everyone" has debt, but do I REALLY want to marry someone with THAT much debt???:eek: I'm now thinking I DO NOT want to marry them! Do I love them, Yes!

Reason for this post is, how do I ensure I am not saddled with this debt??? Im researching signing a pre-nup to protect myself and my assets (Im not rich just have a mortgage, and some savings etc., not much but I've worked hard to acquire the things I have AND I have to protect my 2 children) any other advice will be most welcome!

I know it sounds really horrible, but if you have had to ask the question, surely your not ready to marry this fella!

Have you sat down and discussed this matter with him, and tried to help him organise his financial commitments?

downsizer3

No - not shallow - just sensible.
I've not long come out of a relationship which I started with someone who had money 'invested' in stocks and shares but nowt else (or so I was told).
The truth came to light when we bough a property together - no stocks and shares. Then I found out about the debt. £40k in his case but he'd lost over £150k along the way too.
We weren't married but we were seen to be in terms of financial law it seems - selling the house was a nightmare as he was insolvent. I had to put some money in a pot I can't touch for three years - in case he goes bankrupt.
So - to cut a long story short - don't marry him, don't buy a house together and - I'm sorry to say don't live with him - as after 2 years you are regarded as man and wife and he gets 'rights' over your possessions and money.
I'm no lawyer - but thats all that came my way and I'd frankly never go there again - I have a child and he nearly cost me her financial future.
He had the same attitude about paying off his debts - ie - its someone else's problem - and he'll never change. I suspect you are in the same boat.
Sorry - but keep it at arms length for your kids sake. It is a huge worry when you don't trust someone financially.
Good luck.

deepintrouble

Wow - what a lot of prejudices we all have!

I honestly expected less judgement and more sympathy and honest advice from a place like this.

Does having debt mean you are a "bad" person - no

Does having debt mean you are immoral, or not to be trusted - no

Does moving in together/getting married mean you are somehow responsible for your husband/wife to be's debt - DEFINATELY NOT!

My wife knows all about my debts, they were incurred before we met and were the result of issues with my previous wife and the house we had together. I have approx £60k of debt and am trying my hardest to pay it off. I may do it, if circumstances change I may have to go bankrupt.

Does this make me a bad husband?

Does this mean that I am looking to saddle my wife with my debt?

Does this mean I am a bad father to our baby?

It seems to me that the OP is looking for an excuse not to get married, especiually if she can't make up her own mind and has to ask anonymous forum dwellers for advice?