Would you marry someone who's in +£80K Debt??

MasterPoo

DavidF wrote: »

This thread and many of the replies makes me feel quite sad. Remember the song "Money Can't Buy Me Love".....seems it only used to be the case judging by the replies.
As far as I can see in my "rose tinted" specs Is this, If you really loved this person it wouldn't matter if it were 800k that he owed. Your "love" would find a way. It should matter not that you may have to lower your living standard ect ect......Love in my book would mean at least exploring the options. It is so sad that "material" things and luxuries come before the "Love of your life"
I wonder if this thread would have been created if the op's oh had just won 80k.....and she didn't want to be seen as a gold digger ??? Im sure many of the previous posters would be saying nice one what a catch go for it love ect ect
So Sad.:(:(

David a part of me does think its a sad state of affairs, but LOVE DOESN'T:
1. Put a roof over our heads;
2. Food on the table;
3. Security,
4. Stability;
5. Holiday's etc.

Call me materialistic but Im looking out for number one and THAT IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHILDREN!!

Yes we do need to share the same values and to a certain extent we do, its THIS DEBT that is the stumbling block for me and YES sadly it does seem like its a DEAL BREAKER (as I said I will have to go away and get more information to be able to make an INFORMED DECISION)

HappyMJ

MasterPoo wrote: »

David a part of me does think its a sad state of affairs, but LOVE DOESN'T:
1. Put a roof over our heads;
2. Food on the table;
3. Security,
4. Stability;
5. Holiday's etc.

Call me materialistic but Im looking out for number one and THAT IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHILDREN!!

Yes we do need to share the same values and to a certain extent we do, its THIS DEBT that is the stumbling block for me and YES sadly it does seem like its a DEAL BREAKER (as I said I will have to go away and get more information to be able to make an INFORMED DECISION)

The first 4 items you mention come before paying any outstanding debts so don't worry about them. Number 5 you will also have an allowance to spend of £20 per person per month. Won't be a luxury holiday but it'll be something. You can pay the rest if it comes to more.

ceridwen

O.P. - and you are quite right too in putting your children first. If and when one becomes a parent - then they clearly have to come before anyone else one is involved with personally. You have to ensure that the roof over their head is secure/they eat properly/money is available for any medical care necessary that the State doesnt provide/they get the best education possible/etc.

Unless and until you are quite quite satisfied that there is no risk whatsoever to your chidrens' future - then there is no way forward to marry this man whilst he is in this sort of situation.

Being a "fool for love" is something that is really only applicable to those who are in their 20s and with no responsibilities - the rest of us have to be more practical.

dell33

ceridwen wrote: »

Being a "fool for love" is something that is really only applicable to those who are in their 20s and with no responsibilities - the rest of us have to be more practical.

Couldnt agree more, like I said in a previous post I would have done it in my 20s but now I am in my 40s I like to think I am not alone older but also wiser.

RosaBernicia

dell33 wrote: »

OK Put the shoe on the other foot. If I was OP partner & I loved her then I wouldnt want her taking on my debt & problems & putting her financial security & that of her family on the line until I had sorted out my debts.

:T:T that's exactly the point I was about to make.

Rosa xx

trevorsminted

In an ideal world he could write off all debt wipe the slate clean and you can have a wonderful marriage but i dont think bankrupcy etc so simple?

I am surprised he wants to marry with a dark cloud hanging over him after all what does he have to offer you? ok we have the love is blind but you kids as you quite rightly say come first, i would advise him sort his debt out or at least head in the right direction and have a long engagement im sure the big day you would enjoy more knowing the debt was being sorted, thats of course he is willing to start sorting it and change in a new direction, we all make mistakes its how we deal with them that matter and also that we never make them again, personally i would refrain if not for myself but for my kids they would deserve all of my hard earned money in the event of anything happening to me, good luck you sould like a wise lady who loves him very much its just 80k is a big weight for anyone all the best in your decision!

RAS

HappyMJ wrote: »

The first 4 items you mention come before paying any outstanding debts so don't worry about them. Number 5 you will also have an allowance to spend of £20 per person per month. Won't be a luxury holiday but it'll be something. You can pay the rest if it comes to more.

If they marry and live together then he goes bankrupt then the OR could claim some of the equity in the house towards the BF's debts. It happens.

The living allowances in BR are decent but not generous but the above could jeopardise security and stability (if the OP has no equity, not a problem, if there is loads, big problem if the OP cannot get a big enough re-mortgage to pay the OR).

If they wait until after he goes BR, no problem if they get it together later.

He needs to get his head out of the sand and get advice from a debt charity.

RAS

By the way, a number of people on here have cleared 80K debts and more.

HappyMJ

RAS wrote: »

If they marry and live together then he goes bankrupt then the OR could claim some of the equity in the house towards the BF's debts. It happens.

The living allowances in BR are decent but not generous but the above could jeopardise security and stability (if the OP has no equity, not a problem, if there is loads, big problem if the OP cannot get a big enough re-mortgage to pay the OR).

If they wait until after he goes BR, no problem if they get it together later.

He needs to get his head out of the sand and get advice from a debt charity.

Would the OR really have a claim on a house which isn't in his name and hasn't paid a penny towards it? He has no beneficial interest in it. If I were him I'd start getting help and go BR (if advised to) before moving in and getting married.

RAS

HappyMJ wrote: »

Would the OR really have a claim on a house which isn't in his name and hasn't paid a penny towards it? He has no beneficial interest in it. If I were him I'd start getting help and go BR (if advised to) before moving in and getting married.

Even if his name is not on the deeds, if the OR believes that he has contributed to the upkeep or cost of the house, the OR can claim a Benefical Interest has been established.

OK, it would not happen if he had just moved in, but if he had been there a while, yes it could happen.

Trouble is that since he is putting head in sand and the HMRC have a lot of fish to fry, it could be a while before they got round to making him BR. By which time a BI could be created.

The OR can also overturn anything he believes to be an attempt to avoid acquiring assets; the most common examples being trying to delay inheritance or write deeds of variation.

As I said before if he sorts this out now, they could be free to develop their relationship without this risk hanging over their heads, because what matters is his assets whilst he is BR.

But they both need proper advice, starting with a debt charity.