Would you marry someone who's in +£80K Debt??

alastairq

MasterPoo wrote: »

Debt was due to failed business, he's now working but making no plans to pay it off!!!

No plans? Or simply unable to yet find an acceptable way of dealing with the debt?

I actually don't even think I would want him to move in with us as I've been told before that after living with me he could potentially claim on half of my property! I'm employed, earn £42K pa, and DO NOT want anything to do with his debt! Its really a sad state of affairs! SIGH!!

I guess he's going to have a lucky escape then?

esuhl

skintandscared wrote: »

Love is not linked to money. I would marry someone if I loved them. But if they had that amount of debt I would ensure I was NEVER financially linked to them.

But love isn't linked to marriage either: you can love someone that you aren't married to, and you can be married without loving your partner! And there's nothing to stop an unmarried couple doing anything that a married couple could...

I can't see why anyone would want to get married to someone with an 80K debt. It would be much better to pay off the debt first and then pay for a wedding. At just 7% interest, it's increasing by £5,600 a year! Any tax-breaks from being married would be wiped out by the cost of delaying the loan repayment. If this guy wants to get married, I'd suggest that it shows that he is not particularly responsible with money.

The only reason I can think of in which it might be a good idea is if the OP is concerned about her mortality and would be liable for inheritance tax (IHT) on her estate. If I remember rightly, the estate can be passed on to a spouse with no IHT liability.

fadetogrey

MasterPoo wrote: »

Thank you all so much for taking the time to answer. Debt was due to failed business, he's now working but making no plans to pay it off!!! He's on £30K pa, but with maintenance for his kids (x2) etc. that sum quickly equates to £00!!! He currently rents.

I actually don't even think I would want him to move in with us as I've been told before that after living with me he could potentially claim on half of my property! I'm employed, earn £42K pa, and DO NOT want anything to do with his debt! Its really a sad state of affairs! SIGH!!

You answered your own question,avoid this person like the plague,if hes making no plans to pay off his debt you can bet your life he will soon be eating into your money if you allow it.Think of your kids futures,by the sound of it within a couple of years of taking this loser on board you would be as broke as he is.

vka1

not a cat in hells chance. Two people go into marriage to provide a stable and safe nest (home) for the family. Going in with a large debt takes the foundation of stability away and also shows a great deal of irresponsible behaviour. A leopard does not change his spots, run a mile op

I've been reading this thread with interest as I worry about telling anyone I get into a new relationship with about my debt, and what they'll think of that. However, surely we're all here DFW forum because we are changing our spots, and changing old behaviour is possible! Otherwise, there would a lot of loney folk about here....and no one on the debt free roll of honour!

As others have said, it all comes down to attiude twoards resolving the situation and making new habits for the future. If the person in a financial pickle is open, has a plan and is serious about building a life with their partner then that seems like a good, strong and honest step forward. If they're not willing to fix, discuss or be honest about what got them there then there's huge risk attached.

If lack of honesty and intention about building that 'nest' isn't there, and it's important to the OP, then it's up for review.

I hope one day supportive partners come along for the many unmarried DFWs here who are working their hardest to rebuild their financial lives.

Only we can know where our own 'lines' are, but threads like this do help challenge our views and where we stand on certain issues. Interesting thread.

Best of luck OP in making a decision on what's comfortable for you,

V

tallyhoh

if he's already in 80k debt & not bothered about paying it, you really dont think it will stop there do you? & if you marry there will be joint debts & people knocking the door & your house will become fair game.

Not really fair on you or the kids.

Trust me, I got involved with someone in debt & he's still the same after 25 years. Might be different if he was trying to sort them out.

savingholmes

I think as I said in my first post - that if I loved or cared about this person, I would steer them in the direction of this forum, CCCS or Christians Against Poverty or National Debtline to start doing something about this debt... If it really is unpayable for him - he could go bankrupt and have a fresh slate... If it is payable on some level but not the full amount he may be able to get a DMP (Debt Management Plan) set up and make token payments... Over time they may be willing to offer him full and final settlement at a lower amount than the current debt. If he saves up any spare cash he will then be able to start clearning the debt...

I personally would avoid being financially linked until he had been acting to eliminate the debt and reduce spending for a prolonged period preferably over a year...

RAS

downsizer3 wrote: »

So - to cut a long story short - don't marry him, don't buy a house together and - I'm sorry to say don't live with him - as after 2 years you are regarded as man and wife and he gets 'rights' over your possessions and money.

Interesting.

Which country do you live in and exactly what law supports your statement?

We do not know which country this OP lives in but as far as I am aware, this is not the legal situation in E&W.

The problems arise:

1. When you buy a house together
2. If you allow someone who is not on the deeds to contribute to the mortgage/housing and develop a benefical interest as a result.

You may have been unwary but your explanation does not help the OP.

redlady_1

So when you find him in tears because he cant pay the bills and asks you for "just some money to pay this bill to keep the baliffs away" where would you draw the line? Would you say no? Would you bail him out? When would you stop? What if the baliffs turned up on the doorstep with your children there? Who will pay for the wedding? Honeymoon?

I am not saying debt is bad but ignoring it and hoping it will go away is not a good start for a relationship in my mind.

RAS beat me to it...if it can be proven they have contributed to the mortgage then there is a claim on the property. Or at least that is my understanding.

RAS

redlady_1 wrote: »

RAS beat me to it...if it can be proven they have contributed to the mortgage then there is a claim on the property. Or at least that is my understanding.

Only if they go bankrupt or do an IVA.

OP - does he owe anything to the HMRC?

MasterPoo

RAS wrote: »

OP - does he owe anything to the HMRC?

As far as I know IT IS to the HMRC!!!!:eek::(

I think almost everyone who's replied has been sympathetic and have offered valid points which I need to consider/address before I make a final decision, THANK YOU ALL. I will also seek professional advice on the matter, and be honest and open with him.