Would you marry someone who's in +£80K Debt??

Going4TheDream

MasterPoo wrote: »

Hi,

From the title I sound like a shallow individual right?? I'm trying not to be, afterall, "everyone" has debt, but do I REALLY want to marry someone with THAT much debt???:eek: I'm now thinking I DO NOT want to marry them! Do I love them, Yes!

Reason for this post is, how do I ensure I am not saddled with this debt??? Im researching signing a pre-nup to protect myself and my assets (Im not rich just have a mortgage, and some savings etc., not much but I've worked hard to acquire the things I have AND I have to protect my 2 children) any other advice will be most welcome!

Only you can answer the question as to whether you wish to marry your partner, but I don't think that it is shallow to consider protecting your assets for the sake of your childrens security, and your own for that matter, after all many people have pre nups these days.

Although having debt certainly doesn't make them a bad person, or less likely to be a loving spouse, many marriages fail today exactly because people do not consider important things before getting hitched and then find out after the event that the values of their partner are so different from their own.

RAS

MasterPoo wrote: »

As far as I know IT IS to the HMRC!!!!:eek::(

Well HMRC may well make him bankrupt unless you comes to a payment arrangement and there is a decent chance that he will get a BRU/BRO if they make him BR - they are enforcing these on failed business directors where the company failed to pay taxes over a long period. They are one of the few organisations that routinely make debtors BR.

You would be best advised not to live together until he has been made bankrupt or know this will not happen.

I suggest you refer him to the debt charities and they will advise him on how to proceed. If BR is the sensible option, he might better doing it himself. I know it saves the fees waiting for creditors to do it, but it would get it over and allow you both to move forward in your relationship if you want to continue it.

Do not get any joint accounts with him unless and until he has paid the debt off and 6 years have elapsed.

DavidF

This thread and many of the replies makes me feel quite sad. Remember the song "Money Can't Buy Me Love".....seems it only used to be the case judging by the replies.
As far as I can see in my "rose tinted" specs Is this, If you really loved this person it wouldn't matter if it were 800k that he owed. Your "love" would find a way. It should matter not that you may have to lower your living standard ect ect......Love in my book would mean at least exploring the options. It is so sad that "material" things and luxuries come before the "Love of your life"
I wonder if this thread would have been created if the op's oh had just won 80k.....and she didn't want to be seen as a gold digger ??? Im sure many of the previous posters would be saying nice one what a catch go for it love ect ect
So Sad.:(:(

redlady_1

My OH has a significant amount of money but it is me that wants the Deed of Trust drawn up when we move in together.

If you have that much debt then you wouldnt want to risk your OH losing it all who had worked so hard for everything they have, through you sticking your head in the sand - unless you want their money.

dell33

OK Put the shoe on the other foot. If I was OP partner & I loved her then I wouldnt want her taking on my debt & problems & putting her financial security & that of her family on the line until I had sorted out my debts.

tallyhoh

DavidF wrote: »

This thread and many of the replies makes me feel quite sad. Remember the song "Money Can't Buy Me Love".....seems it only used to be the case judging by the replies.
As far as I can see in my "rose tinted" specs Is this, If you really loved this person it wouldn't matter if it were 800k that he owed. Your "love" would find a way. It should matter not that you may have to lower your living standard ect ect......Love in my book would mean at least exploring the options. It is so sad that "material" things and luxuries come before the "Love of your life"
I wonder if this thread would have been created if the op's oh had just won 80k.....and she didn't want to be seen as a gold digger ??? Im sure many of the previous posters would be saying nice one what a catch go for it love ect ect
So Sad.:(:(

I think in this case the security of the OP's children should come before any sentimental slop:D

RAS

David

I am a child of bankruptcy; I know first hand how much havoc it can wreck on families. We lost our home, possessions, pets, had 9 addresses in the next 2 years and for five years lived in dire poverty. To all intents and purposes we also lost our parents because neither was able to cope with the situation and they both became abusive in different ways.

Our mother very much believed in for better and worse and never ceased to love her husband despite everything. But when she also faced losing her children, she had to take evasive action and remove us and herself from the worst of the damage.

There are ways to go BR that are less damaging than head in sand, and if this guy goes BR, in the not too distant future this couple could develop a longer term relationship which does not jeopardise the OP or her family's situation. And he too would have a much better life.

ceridwen

Short and sweet response - NOT A HOPE IN HELL would I do so.

Reason = I do believe strongly that couples need to have similar values. My values are "I have been in debt - but not for much and not for long and only for necessities". If someone is in that much debt then they would clearly not share my values on money and there has to be a good chance they would have different values in other important respects as well.

Marrying someone with different values is asking for trouble from the outset.

Amara

ceridwen wrote: »

Marrying someone with different values is asking for trouble from the outset.

Very well said

ceridwen

deepintrouble wrote: »

Wow - what a lot of prejudices we all have!

I honestly expected less judgement and more sympathy and honest advice from a place like this.

Does having debt mean you are a "bad" person - no

Does having debt mean you are immoral, or not to be trusted - no

Does moving in together/getting married mean you are somehow responsible for your husband/wife to be's debt - DEFINATELY NOT!

My wife knows all about my debts, they were incurred before we met and were the result of issues with my previous wife and the house we had together. I have approx £60k of debt and am trying my hardest to pay it off. I may do it, if circumstances change I may have to go bankrupt.

Does this make me a bad husband?

Does this mean that I am looking to saddle my wife with my debt?

Does this mean I am a bad father to our baby?

It seems to me that the OP is looking for an excuse not to get married, especiually if she can't make up her own mind and has to ask anonymous forum dwellers for advice?

You asked....so "does it make you a bad father to our baby?" - well that entirely depends on whether you plan to pay back that money you owe if you're ever in a position to do so in the future (yes - you STILL do need to - even if the law "lets you off the hook"). That baby is fully entitled to ask as an adult "Why did you have me when you were in debt?" - so be prepared with a good (a very good!) answer to that one...