Would you marry someone who's in +£80K Debt??

MasterPoo

Hi,

From the title I sound like a shallow individual right?? I'm trying not to be, afterall, "everyone" has debt, but do I REALLY want to marry someone with THAT much debt???:eek: I'm now thinking I DO NOT want to marry them! Do I love them, Yes!

Reason for this post is, how do I ensure I am not saddled with this debt??? Im researching signing a pre-nup to protect myself and my assets (Im not rich just have a mortgage, and some savings etc., not much but I've worked hard to acquire the things I have AND I have to protect my 2 children) any other advice will be most welcome!

savingholmes

You don't sound shallow to me, you sound sensible especially if you have two children you are financially responsible for.

Personally I wouldn't marry someone who was £80K in debt if it was because they were a shopaholic or gambler or similar. If they had had a catastrophe like a house fall down after they bought it I think it would be a different story... If they were actively taking steps to deal with their debt and could show a good track record of not adding to it for at least a year I might consider it. We racked up masses of debt at various points in our life as I fritter spent - and OH bought major things... that we couldn't afford which over time built up in to major debts... We've gone thro that cycle 3 times by the time I found MSE. I have now been on a 3 year journey - where we are now doing a lot better but I still have bad times when I spend far more than is wise and have little to show for it... I'm not therefore in a position to cast judgment on anyone else - one time I took redundancy to clear our debts, one time we sold our house and downsized and the third time we joined MSE and actually built new habits... They say the third time's the cure I really hope so as I want to learn to save and actually repay our mortgage!!

There are ways of keeping your finances separate tho - eg not putting them on the morgage, not having a joint account, putting a statement on the main credit scorer files that your finances are not linked - I'm sure there are more expert people than me that can advise on that... I don't think pre-nuptual agreements are valid in this country but again you could seek expert advice on that... Your partner would have some rights to your home after living with you for a certain period, and would have rights if you ever got divorced so you would need to consider that too.

Only you can make that decision - also how big is their debt in relation to their income. How quickly could they overcome it? A lot of questions...

HTH

redlady_1

Not a chance in hell. What is the reason for the debt? That is more than my mortgage!!!!

I would definitely want to see them tackling it before going any further. And I expect to be flamed for these views but thats all they are, my views.

determined_new_ms

This is a hard question to answer. I think there is so much info missing its hard for me to give a response. Why is this person is debt? What is their attitude to it? Are they paying it off or still living beyond their means? When I decided to move in with my oh it was on the condition that he sorted out his attitude to finances/debt which he did & we both made a committment to clearing both of our debts - I was already on that path. I also think it depends on how you feel about him & how strong the relationship is. hth

skintandscared_2

Love is not linked to money. I would marry someone if I loved them. But if they had that amount of debt I would ensure I was NEVER financially linked to them. I'm with someone who couldn't work for 4 years and yes, we've struggled. But that's just brought us closer.

Delree

Urgh it's such a shame when money gets in the way but I would not marry that person nor probably be with them. Unless this person earns a fantastic salary there can't be much spare money around meaning you will end up paying for everything and effectively paying half their debt.

aliasojo

For me, it would depend on when the debt was accrued and how. If it was all down to frivilous spending, I would worry about this persons attitude towards things and how that would affect me in future. When was the last part of the debt added, if it was recently, I'd be concerned they were still spending and should really have been saving/paying things off.

BUT, love is a strong emotion and not everyone is lucky enough to find someone they care about enough to want to spend the rest of their life with, so depending on the answers to the questions above, I would consider moving in and living together, whilst keeping financial matters completely separate. At least for now.

ms_night_ryder

Hell no! Is my answer, it doesnt depend on what the debt is for, the fact that there is a huge debt there in the first place is what I would worry about, esp with 2 children, im guessing, they would expect or you would want to help them combat this, therefore they are no longer 80k in but 40k in. A problem halfed and all that! Are they tackling the debt at all? How can you afford to get married anyway with so much debt? Or will you be paying? My opinion.

davidjwest

Depends what they earn, it's all relative. If they earn £100k+ then it's not as big a deal as if they earn £20k for example.

Miss_Poohs

Hello MasterPoo - (no relation) I was already married to Mr Poohs when I discovered his £80,000 of debt!! He'd been keeping it hidden from me - yes by gawd I ranted and raved, screamed and cried but I stuck with him.

Its 3yrs on from my grim discovery and I still wont have anything to do with his debt - he ran them up so he can pay them back. Ive helped him get into a DPP and reclaim PPI, but thats as far as it goes.

I'm not financially linked to him in any way now.

Would I have married him if I'd known - honestly? I really dont know.

Will I ever trust him with money - absolutely not.

pleasedelete

I think it depends how it was built up.

For example divorced from wife and sold house with negative equity and took on whole debt to let ex wife get a new house with children- yes

Failed business- probably

Gambling-no

Also how much do they earn? Do they own a home?

We had 120k of credit card debt at one point. None of it from frivolous spending but from building project. It was cheaper than a mortgage. Paid it off in 3 years. House went up 400 k from purchase price as a result of the work done.