Child not wanting to go on school trip

peachyprice

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

the op hasnt. but if she had then i think she should remove him from the school and give another child the chance at a better education. theres no point in being in a fee paying private if your not going to make the most of it.

!!!!!!, so you think he should be punished for the rest of his school days and be removed from the school just because he doesn't want to go on a trip. Way to go to really destroy a child.

I hope to god you aren't a parent.

dirtysexymonkey

peachyprice wrote: »

!!!!!!, so you think he should be punished for the rest of his school days and be removed from the school just because he doesn't want to go on a trip. Way to go to really destroy a child.

I hope to god you aren't a parent.

hes not being punished. isnt it selfish to keep a child at school where he wont get everything from it, when there are so many other children who would get everything out of it? but i guess other people dont matter. selfish. i hope someone as selfish as you isnt a parent.

globetraveller

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

the op hasnt. but if she had then i think she should remove him from the school and give another child the chance at a better education. theres no point in being in a fee paying private if your not going to make the most of it.

OMG! Its a school trip we are talking about here. Its time to get a grip. A whole education does not get ruined on the strength of missing one trip.

dirtysexymonkey

globetraveller wrote: »

OMG! Its a school trip we are talking about here. Its time to get a grip. A whole education does not get ruined on the strength of missing one trip.

when youve got a school which has a compulsory trip then there is a moral obligation to take advantage of all the benefits of that education when there are so many others wanting a place.

the school may decide that the ops son isn't a fit for their school as they are perfectly entitled to do. the op seems to be aware of this and wants her son to overcome this problem so he can go on the trip. ignoring the problem wont make it go away.

peachyprice

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

hes not being punished. isnt it selfish to keep a child at school where he wont get everything from it, when there are so many other children who would get everything out of it? but i guess other people dont matter. selfish. i hope someone as selfish as you isnt a parent.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Oh dear, I think you've lost the plot

meer53

At 11, children shouldn't still be sleeping in their parents bed. This could possibly be making things worse for him, the OP needs to tackle this before worrying about a trip which is 12 months away ! I'd be very worried if my 11 year old wanted to sleep in my bed most nights, there's definately an issue there which needs addressing. Maybe time for tough love ? 12 months is a long time, he might even want to go then.

Spirit_2

My dd has always been a home bird. Although she was in an independent school ( as a day girl) she did not tell us of school trips even those that were for just a day.

This has been life long...and she found living in halls a trial during her undergraduate years and moved home, and did not take her year abroad:( this year she has travelled on her own and it has been a watershed, she is slowly finding her wings.

FWIW do not force, but do not roll over on all occasions when he declines.

Too late I was given the advice that sometimes our children travel further with a "kick up the a***" than with a "pat on the back"

Jinx

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

when youve got a school which has a compulsory trip then there is a moral obligation to take advantage of all the benefits of that education when there are so many others wanting a place.

the school may decide that the ops son isn't a fit for their school as they are perfectly entitled to do. the op seems to be aware of this and wants her son to overcome this problem so he can go on the trip. ignoring the problem wont make it go away.

I totally disagree with the 1st paragraph. There is no moral obligation when you have paid for the option of attending or not attending the trip. So what if others want the education? Not participating in 5 days throughout an education from age 5 to 16/18 hardly says that the child shouldnt have the advantages that his parents choose to pay for.

As for the 2nd paragraph - I would find it very harsh if the school said that the child had to leave due to not attending this trip. Schools are meant to be supportive of students and in my experience teachers and the school hierarchy are very understanding and appreciative of good students.

That said, the OP should address the childs issues. Sleeping with your parents age 11 is quite unusual I think and working on his confidence so he could go on the trip would be the ultimate postive outcome.

mountainofdebt

andrealm wrote: »

He's only 11!! Bit early to be worrying about it limiting his career! In a year or two he might be more confident about going away and be able to enjoy going on a school trip. No point in forcing him to go if he really doesn't want to.

If you bothered to read my post I clearly said that it could affect his career choices. Not would but could.

Since the OP has now admitted that the boy prefers sleeping in her bed, it strikes me that professional help is needed and I don't think that encouraging him to do sleepovers will work - especially if she gives in over this trip. To me it would enforce the idea that I didn't have to sleep anywhere other than in my own home.

Is there anyway that you could be asked to be referred to a therapist that is trained in working with children. I know that sounds drastic but sleeping in your parents bed on a regular basis isn't a good idea nor is refusing to spend any nights (in any circumstances) away from them one either

rainbow81

Hi OP

I think what has become clear is that your son's separation/anxiety issues need to be addressed, hopefully by a professional rather than a lot of strangers on the net . It sounds like a matter for your GP IMO.

You need to keep communication open with the school too (your son doesn't need to know initially but the school can't help if they are in the dark). I am sure he won't have been the first child they have come across who feels negative about staying away from home so they may have some suggestions for you. If they think it is worth distressing him this much for a holiday/school trip then I would wonder about other aspects of their pastoral care, but that's just me.

I would also add that not all independent schools are created equal and, in fact, a lot of children with additional needs (not at all suggesting your son has any but just making a point) are in private schools and quite possibly not partaking in the WHOLE curriculum all the time .

I hope your son feels more settled soon and he gets to enjoy his trip away. You do have time on your side.