Child not wanting to go on school trip

cheepskate_2

Hope someone can help.

Our 11 year old went on a 4 day compulsory school trip just before the summer.

He loved the trip but HATED being away from home. Now I don't mean he just didn't like it, but was visibly upset on return.

There is another compulsory one for this year(at the end of summer term ) for 5 days away. Already we have him distressed about it.

I have tried to say it will be fine, he liked the activities / people last time, will see us in xxx amount of sleeps etc ,but there is no reasoning.

He has a good circle of friends, no bullying or any other problems on it.

In fact his best friend's( since p1) mum wanted him to accompany them on a holiday as his friend is an only child , but he refused on the grounds of being away from us. He said he would go if we went.

He will do a day sleepover, but knows its only for a night, seems to like sleepovers for the night..

Its getting me upset , to see him so upset. As I know he has to go on the trip i cant really do much. I also don't want to make it into a bigger long term issue by making excuses for him not to go.

He wouldn't come across as a mummy's boy or whatever the term would be for this and is independent in every other way.

Anyone been in the same situation and how have you dealt with it.

Thanks

kingfisherblue

Why is the trip compulsory? I know many schools have residential trips in the summer term, but they can be quite expensive and are voluntary.

bigmomma051204

I am not going to be ANY help whatsoever BUT i have to say.....compulsory trip?!?!?!?!! What on earth is one of those!!!???

At 11years i would not like anyone from ds's school telling me he HAD to go on a 4 day trip! I am sorry, if my child was that distressed i would be contacting the school to discuss my issues.

Having worked in schools over the years, i have never heard of a trip which is compulsory. Do you pay for it btw??:cool:

How can a school FORCE you as a parent with parental responsibility to send your child away with them for 4 or 5 days?!?! Do they describe it as compulsory??

edit: Keep thinking of more - do u have contact with the kids whilst they are away?? How is this done?

willow_loulou

(((hugs))) My son has seperation anxiety, could it be similar? He wont even sleep at a friends house anymore and is phobic about using strange bathrooms. It has gotten worse over the years, he drops out of many things he loves because of trips. He starts with an upset stomach so i know when something is coming! Thankfully now he is a teen he is willing to discuss it with me and hets so annoyed at himself for missing out.
My advice is listen, understand and love. Dont allow anyone to belittle his feelings as it makes the self esteem even lower than it is. Id talk to the school liason officer and your gp for advice. Maybe he needs councelling too? Do you know what triggered it?

balletshoes

I'm with the others - a compulsory school trip? Never heard of such a beast.

If your son is visibly distressed about the prospect of another trip, has tried one and doesn't want to do this coming year's one, just don't make him. What would it achieve, a year of him worrying because you tell him he has to go?

Valli

The trip cannot possibly be compulsory. You, as a parent, would have to sign a permission slip agreeing to the trip. So if you don't sign it he cannot go.

bigmomma051204

Assuming that u are going to try and convince him to go on said trip, perhaps (depending how far away the destination is of course!) could he perhaps go for two of the days, as u mentioned he is okay for one night away....? Perhaps he could go with the others on coach etc and then u could pick him up? He could even give some fake reason for having to get picked up if he doesnt want mates to know he doesnt want to stay....?? Just a thought... :cool:

cheepskate_2

Hi

I am assuming it is compulsory as when we pay our fees (independent school) at the start of term, these school trip fees are added on top of our normal fees. There is no letter to say if you want to go or not, tick here. There is no consultation , the kids are told at end of summer about the next primary year trip and then in the post is the fees+ trip invoice.

Later on in the year,near to when they leave there is a parent information evening. But at no point is the child given a letter to see if they want to go

The last trip everybody in his year (4 classes) went on it.

The school trip in itself isnt the issue, I think they are good for kids to go on, but more how to deal with his aversion to being away from us.

Said i would go in and talk to teacher about it , but he doesnt like the teacher or anybody to know about it.

tiff

I know how you feel, I have an 11 y/o DD who is very confident, has lots of friends and no issues but this year for some reason she hates staying away from home. First time was at a friends house that she hadnt stayed at before and she called me to come and get her saying she missed me. Second time was a bit different, we were all away with my parents and planned to come home leaving DD with my parents for the rest of the week. She got extremely homesick sending me texts that she was feeling physically sick.

She went on scout camp for a week but DH was asked to go and help so she was fine there but said she wont go next year as its too long away with the same people.

She starts secondary school on Monday, cant see her going on any residential trips which is fine but I will try and encourage her to push herself and that 1 or 2 nights away are ok.

cheepskate_2

[QUOTE=_Do_you_know_what_triggered_it?[/QUOTE]

No idea, but even as a young chlid he didnt like staying at even families houses.

He stayed at SIL's house when he was about 2, which he went to every week since birth and he just would not calm down, sitting in livingroom with coat and wellies on. Eventually had to collect him about 3am as he just cried.

Since he has got older he has got better, but we never really knew about this problem until the past school trip.

Its also abroad, so cannot bring him home early,

shellsuit

If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to go, unless you force him to go.

If it were my child, I'd be OK with him not going if he didn't want to.