Child not wanting to go on school trip

cheepskate_2

Hi
Thanks for all the replys.

The school is very oversubscribed probably about 4/5 times more than it can take.

I did check out when he came home if everything was ok on trip, he was very enthusiastic about activities/kids/teachers and tutors, nothing untowards seems to have happened

In fact i would go as far as to say he had a ball from when he woke till it was near bed time. He does hate to sleep in his own bed at home, and needs to be thrown out of our bed most nights. If left to his own devices he would be in our bed. Altho from young he did sleep perfectly in his own bed. Probably this bed thing has been from when his brother left home(could it be the trigger)he is in the forces.

I dont really want him to be the only child not going, and really want to sort the problem out .

I will try and get him to relatives for more than a night and see if we can help him.

Jinx

Could you agree with the school that you will make a concrete decision on the trip nearer the time and explain the background? It appears to me you will have paid for it regardless so the school arent losing out in any way.... That way you could work on his issues as you seem keen to resolve this anyway, but it would alleviate the pressure on the child.

bigmomma051204

Hiya Okay - now you have said the "him wanting to stay in parents bed" aged 11years, THAT is more of a worry than the trip thing to be honest! I would expect that perhaps from a pre-schooler but certainly i would not expect it from a child his age.....i don't mean that in a cruel way, just in a "milestones" way! I certainly would try and address the issue as i said by gently encouraging him to go and stay away for more than one night BUT i think perhaps seeking some advice from GP who may be able to refer for some help with the wanting to be in bed with you issue. It is fine for a child of 11years to want to have special cuddle times etc still (tho they wouldnt want their mates to know LOL) but i think the fact he still seeks comfort at nightime is a worry :cool:

Sure he will be fine, and if u are intent on getting him on the trip, i hope all goes well and he copes with it okay. To me, it sounds like there are much bigger issues to deal with than the trip as i said and i would certainly try to deal with them before even thinking of shoving him off abroad for a week. You need to think about his mental health to be honest...

Hugs though cos it is hard trying to do the best for our children! xxx

bigmomma051204

Jinx wrote: »

Could you agree with the school that you will make a concrete decision on the trip nearer the time and explain the background? It appears to me you will have paid for it regardless so the school arent losing out in any way.... That way you could work on his issues as you seem keen to resolve this anyway, but it would alleviate the pressure on the child.

Good plan i reckon

peachyprice

I do feel for you and your son Cheepskate, my 10yo daughter has similar issues and will only stay with my parents for any length of time, she'll stay with OH's for a couple of nights and do Brownie sleepovers as long as it's not more than 2-3, but won't do sleepovers at friends. I really don't know why, we've always encouraged her to stay away since she was very young, and have always had a short holiday by ourselves once a year since she was born, so being apart from us is nothing new, but the older she's getting the worse it's becoming. She says exactly the same as your son, she doesn't like beinf away from us (well me really) at night.

She didn't go on the Brownie 5 night pack holiday this summer, she was getting so stressed the closer it got, we decided it just wasn't worth it, she was a complete wreck. However, she's adament that she's going on the next sleepover in February, it's to Disneland Paris, and I think the difference is that she went there this year with myself and my mum, she knows exactly where it is, exactly what the journey will be like and exactly what to expect when she gets there. This seems to have reassured her no end. I don't know where your sons trip is, but is there any way you can visit with him before the trip, or get him to do a project about the place, have a look on google street map (do they even have that for Europe?) to familiarise himself with where he will be going?

As for those who think we shouldn't 'pander' well, if you've got a child waking up screaming in the night, to tired for school, making themselves ill all over a trip, what exactly would you do?

globetraveller

Just out of interest- do you see the accounts for the holiday? Is this perhaps a money making enterprise?

kafkathecat

My ds was like this when younger. Forcing him to do things like go places without me or sleeping in his own room just made him more insecure and clingy. What worked for us was not forcing anything, allowing him to make his own decisions in his own time. It isn't easy when you have other pressures like the school to deal with but you may find that if he knows he doesn't have to go on the trip, by next year he may want to.

andrealm

mountainofdebt wrote: »

OP

To my mind, your son either has a separation issues (however mild) or something happened on that trip last year.

If its the former then then the more you (and I hate ot use this word but hopefully you'll know what I mean) pander to him then the issue of being separated from you at night will never be addressed and could prove career limiting to him.

Having said that you will also need to address the issues if it was something that happened.

He's only 11!! Bit early to be worrying about it limiting his career! In a year or two he might be more confident about going away and be able to enjoy going on a school trip. No point in forcing him to go if he really doesn't want to.

dirtysexymonkey

peachyprice wrote: »

I do feel for you and your son Cheepskate, my 10yo daughter has similar issues and will only stay with my parents for any length of time, she'll stay with OH's for a couple of nights and do Brownie sleepovers as long as it's not more than 2-3, but won't do sleepovers at friends. I really don't know why, we've always encouraged her to stay away since she was very young, and have always had a short holiday by ourselves once a year since she was born, so being apart from us is nothing new, but the older she's getting the worse it's becoming. She says exactly the same as your son, she doesn't like beinf away from us (well me really) at night.

She didn't go on the Brownie 5 night pack holiday this summer, she was getting so stressed the closer it got, we decided it just wasn't worth it, she was a complete wreck. However, she's adament that she's going on the next sleepover in February, it's to Disneland Paris, and I think the difference is that she went there this year with myself and my mum, she knows exactly where it is, exactly what the journey will be like and exactly what to expect when she gets there. This seems to have reassured her no end. I don't know where your sons trip is, but is there any way you can visit with him before the trip, or get him to do a project about the place, have a look on google street map (do they even have that for Europe?) to familiarise himself with where he will be going?

As for those who think we shouldn't 'pander' well, if you've got a child waking up screaming in the night, to tired for school, making themselves ill all over a trip, what exactly would you do?

the op hasnt. but if she had then i think she should remove him from the school and give another child the chance at a better education. theres no point in being in a fee paying private if your not going to make the most of it.

louise3965

Is your dh in the armed forces too? That may be why he is scared - his dad and his brother away. Personally I wouldnt make him go, 11 is still very young and tbh it matters not one jot what all the others do, its him that matters.