What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

Bob63

Just revisiting this thread which was so useful at the beginning of the year. My dad died in November following a two year battle with leukaemia and non-Hodgkins lymphoma

As the process of sorting out my dad's affairs is nearly complete, here are some of my lessons, heroes and villains:

Lesson - Death certificates & coroners. There was a possibility that my dad's illness had been caused by his occupation. The doctor in the hospice signed a certificate stating the cause of death, but in coversation with the registrar we agreed that my dads's case should be referred to the coroner, who decided an autopsy and inquest would be necessary. If this happens you cannot get a death certificate from the registrar. However, this can be a blessing in disguise as the coroner's office will issue you with as many copies of an interim certificate of death as you need completely free of charge. These have exactly the same legal standing as a regular paid-for death certificate from the registrar. I have seen some comments on the numbers required. In my dad's case I got 8 copies and at one point ran out and had to ask for a couple more.

Lesson - Talking things over - this wasn't a sudden death so we had the last days in the hospice to talk about wishes etc. I was able to reassure my dad that everything would be taken care off regarding paperwork and I was happy that almost all the information I needed was available when I did come to sort everything out.

Lesson - a scanner is a wonderful tool. Keep copies of everything you send out.

Lesson - say thank you to people. It can't be easy being on the other end of the phone trying to sort out things for a grieving relative. When someone really does a good job for you acknowledge it! It makes *both* of you feel better.

So who were our heroes and villains?

Biggest hero of all - my parents' solicitor. He told me I didn't need his services, that I should do all the executor work and that this would save my mum a shed load of money. The estate was simple as nearly all assets were in joint names, so everything transferred to my mum with no need for probate. He simply provided me with several certified copies of the will and that was that. Effectively he did himself out of hundreds of pounds but he will benefit in time as we intend use him when mine and my wife's wills are refreshed.

Hero - Cooperative Funeral Services. Couldn't have been more helpful and sympathetic. They have also kept hold of the ashes without charge until this coming weekend when my mum flies to Ireland to scatter my dad's ashes in one of their favourite locations.

Heroes - NatWest, Canada Life, Royal & Sun Alliance, eCarInsurance, National Savings, Prudential, Friends Provident. All these companies couldn't have been more helpful and made my job as executor as smooth as it could be in sorting out insurance and pensions. Ditto all the utility companies and the local council.

Villain - PetPlan. The hoops we had to jump through to get the dog insurance transferred into my mum's name were ridiculous. Their lack of communication and at times surly attitude make me glad my own dogs are with M&S.

Villain - HM Revenue & Customs. 10 week backlogs between receiving mail and then processing it really don't do much for my stress levels. Losing key documents makes it even worse - which is what they have just done with the docs that are necessary to secure a refund to my mum of my dad's surplus income tax payments from last year. I have copies but am ticked off that the issue still isn't sorted nearly 5 months after his death.

Villain - Northern Rock. Wouldn't talk to me initially despite me stating that I was the executor. This was sorted, following a 30 minute hold for a supervisor who was most apologetic about her numpty colleague. Once all the paperwork had been submitted they wrote to me saying that they couldn't accept a photocopy of the death certificate. I rang them (they talked to me this time!) and suggested they look carefully at the document. This they did, three days later when they retrieved it from their archive department, at which point they confirmed it was indeed an original, but didn't apologise for messing me about.

Errata

A tip that might help someone. I have paper copies of everything my executor would need to enable them to sort out my estate, the information is also on my laptop in a file labelled WHEN I'M DEAD which my executor can access and just in case I, my paper files and my laptop all expire together when the house burns to the ground - I have a copy of the WHEN I'M DEAD file on a special gmail account which my executor has the username and password for. All this might seem like several belts and pairs of braces, but I learned the hard way that if there is only one copy of something in one media it can vanish without trace !

montycat_2

Hi ,
Just one comment on The "Interim Certificates of the Fact of Death" .I was given these after my Husband's death and ,even they though are legal documents ,a lot of Institutions Won't recognise them .
I had 4 Insurance companie's only completing on the Insurances after the Death Certificate had been issued (16 weeks after his death)
The reason I was told was that until the Coroner finally stated the cause of death at the Inquest there could be some reason for them not to pay .

i also found that some accepted the Interim certificate but also wanted other documentation as well .

Bob63

montycat wrote: »

The reason I was told was that until the Coroner finally stated the cause of death at the Inquest there could be some reason for them not to pay

That's a good point. My dad was retired and didn't have any life insurance policies linked to cause of death. Every single organisation I dealt with was happy to accept the interim certificate, including his pension companies, house and car insurance.

I do not agree with you saying "lots of organisations". It seems to me that there would only be a few circumstances where the interim certificate wouldn't suffice.

cheapo_sk8

just bumping this one as it should really be a sticky thread

montycat_2

Hi ,
Cheesy.mike from personnal experience there are alot of places that wouldn't accept my DH's Interim certificate .
I guess my husbands death was one of those exceptional circumstances .He was young ,died very suddenly and in unnatural circumstances .
I was highlighting the point to show that all is not black and white as,I found out .

AnW'sMum

Whilst I have not had any major problems I would tend to agree with montycat plus it can depend on the individual you speak to as to how good or bad an experience you receive.

AnW'sMum

Bumping this for those that might need it.

Stormybay

Me too

Stormy
xxxxxx

lil_me

Something I have thought about even more since Stormybay's husband passed away, I have started a family journal. It may seem bizarre but if anything happened to me, my partner is quite dependant on me for sorting financial things and the children etc.

It contains the following

Bills- who to, when, how much, how paid, renewal dates etc etc
Notes as to where things are in the home, from vital paperwork to instructions on how to use the washing machine.
Insurance details - anything from car and home to life insurance with all reference numbers, contact numbers etc
Children's profiles-most important part- this contains all medical details inc meds, vacinne details, allergies, doctors details, school details, then an about me section with thing like likes, dislikes, favourite foods, routine etc etc. Even shoe sizes.
Sections about other things, including cars, pets etc

This is more for peace of mnd for me, several years ago I took ill, I had an 8 week old and 2 year old at the time. Noone knew enough to be able to look after them without asking me a lot of things. I was on serious medication at first and not very 'with it' so didn't make much sense and it could have been a disaster. Since then my kids have had regularly updated little profiles, somewhere where my sister and mother know where they are, just incase. This is just a more in depth way. It's all in an A4 book which cost me about £2. Worth the money and time put in to just know it is there just incase.