What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

isayoldchap

mrwoof wrote:

One of the first decisions you have to make is to choose the funeral director. Make this beforehand, the difference in cost and their treatment of you can be vast, immediately after a bereavement is NOT the time to do this. I was a hundred miles away when I received a phone call from police that my mother had died, one of the first questions they asked was which funeral director. I made the wrong decision. Also, a headstone, the country's most popular funeral director wanted four times the cost of a local stonemason for the same headstone.

Here I am confused.
Is there a search engine for this.
Do people really get quotes before death?

I would be intrested on current quotes in the Surrey and Sussex areas inc
service type,number of cars etc

Poppet's_Dad

My wife and I are facing the loss of our darling daughter some time in the next year or so. She's 8, and has been ill for some time. We've only just learned that the illness is now terminal. Heartbreaking, as you can guess, and we're still coming to terms with it. There seems to be loads of advice around about dealing with bereavement for spouses and adults - I lost my mother this time last year, and the funeral director was fantastic. But there doesn't seem to be the same advice about the loss of children. Sure, stuff about bereavement issues, particularly for siblings, but presumably, for example, the legal issues are different from adults. Does my Poppet need a will? What happens with her savings account - surely even Gordon Brown doesn't want her 75 quid of birthday savings! She doesn't know yet how serious things are, we want her last months to be as 'normal' as possible - how do I ask her what sort of funeral she wants? Where do we start?

Martin, if you could expand your guidance material to include the loss of children, that could be enourmously useful. Thanks.

Bogof_Babe

This is an excellent site for support after the loss of a child, but you will probably find the forums helpful for the stage you are in now too.

http://www.tcf.org.uk/

I send you my heartfelt sympathy that you are facing this dreadful time, and pray you find the strength to make your daughter's last months happy and free from stress.

MSE_Martin

Dear Poppets Dad

We'll try and add that info in too. Wishing you, your wife and daughter, as much happiness as possible in the remaining precious time you will have together

Martin

sammyhammy

Poppet's_Dad wrote:

Does my Poppet need a will? What happens with her savings account - surely even Gordon Brown doesn't want her 75 quid of birthday savings! QUOTE]

I am so sorry about your situation.

To answer part of your question, under 18s cannot make a will (with exceptions for those in the armed forces). This means that the intestacy rules apply. Anything belonging to your daughter passes to you and your wife as her parents. There will be a simple form from the bank that allows for the closure of accounts with a small balance.

It's very hard not to sound trite, but do concentrate on the time you have left and be assured that when the time comes no one will intentionally make life any harder for you than it needs to be.

Prof_555

Haughley_Harridan wrote:

Frozen bank accounts and asset worries: most solicitors have special arrangements and will pay outstanding utility bills, council tax etc. from their bank account until probate has been granted and you pay them back. I suspect most banks offer this service as well - we were not charged interest or fees of any kind for this particular service so it is well worth checking. They were also willing to lend my mother some living money if she had wanted.

This may be one reason for using a solicitor, although I'm not sure it outweighs all the reasons for NOT using one....

My experience of the alleged 'flexibility' of banks and building societies in meeting funeral expenses has been entirely negative. They will pay from the estate, on your behalf, ONE bill from the undertaker. That's it. My Dad's funeral was at the other end of the country and, not knowing the company I was dealing with, I went for 'peace of mind' and chose to make a lot of the arrangements direct eg printing, wake, newspaper announcements etc. Big mistake - if I had asked the funeral director to take on everything I'd have had one bill and everything would have been settled by the estate. :mad:

Psychokatz

Not sure if anyone can help here. My friend lost her father just before Christmas and was advised by his employer that she would be entitled to "Death in Service Benefit". Since then, they have come back to her (after considerable delaY) and informed her that she needs to supply the original birth certificate - which she does not have. She does have a copy made in 1970 approx... but is unable to find the original.. Is it ok that they request this... what can she do? Many thanks?

sammyhammy

By original they mean an original registrar's copy. Even dated today would be OK. They are simply stating that they will not accept a photocopy. The 1970 copy will be fine.

sammyhammy

Prof_555 wrote:

This may be one reason for using a solicitor, although I'm not sure it outweighs all the reasons for NOT using one....

My experience of the alleged 'flexibility' of banks and building societies in meeting funeral expenses has been entirely negative. They will pay from the estate, on your behalf, ONE bill from the undertaker. That's it. My Dad's funeral was at the other end of the country and, not knowing the company I was dealing with, I went for 'peace of mind' and chose to make a lot of the arrangements direct eg printing, wake, newspaper announcements etc. Big mistake - if I had asked the funeral director to take on everything I'd have had one bill and everything would have been settled by the estate. :mad:

Depends on the bank. I've had a refund to a family member for the deposit (the CO-OP seem to require this now) and also the balance of the bill in a separate payment. On the same case I got a further cheque to pay for the wake. The same applies to memorial/cemetery fees - I've has separate payments for different parties. Not sure if this was done to the discretion of the bank, or if it is their policy.

As they also release Inheritnce Tax payments I expect that it's part discretion, part pragmatism. They hold tens of thousands of pounds. We hold a full receipt for expenditure of the family/executors and they pay the bills. The term funeral expenses is quite wide.

You can of course ask undertakers to arrange these matters and there will be one bill. However, I find it quite sad when someone ends up paying for their own flowers.

isayoldchap

isayoldchap wrote:

Here I am confused.
Is there a search engine for this.
Do people really get quotes before death?

I would be intrested on current quotes in the Surrey and Sussex areas inc
service type,number of cars etc

I guess it's a taboo subject but do you really ring round at death?
Will a funeral really vary much in price for like for like in the same area?