Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

merlin68

We are going away from the 23rd to 27th of december, in this country it was £278. Bargain.
I had tears and tantrums from my 20 year old but she has a boyfriend and is going to uni next month.
So her and her eldest sister will be with nanny and grandad for xmas anyway, getting spoilt.
Just the youngest will be coming with us.
You have to think of yourself lol.

lostinrates

lurvlyloz wrote: »

everyone thought i was selfish last year because i chose to spend it at home alone. it was the nicest stress free Christmas's i'd ever had. and i had pie & chips for Christmas dinner

you need to do what makes you & your husband happy. sod everyone else x

Conversely, I think times like Christmas are times when we have opportunity to think of others and what we can do for them. (I am not religious but use the time as a pause and reflect moment).

For me it would depend on the alternatives. If the stepson has a maternal family he would like to spend it with then that's fine, and the M-i-l ...is she a lone, would she want to be alone at christmas?

IMO OP's partner has a moral parental duty to his son, until his son has other plans and people he wants to spend it with.

lurvlyloz

i'd like to point out it was my first year at home on my own. i had had messy year. i didnt want to be round people. my parent dont really "do" christmas. every other year i have gone all out and pleasesed everyone. this year i didnt want to..so i didnt.

if your busy keeping everyone happy...who is keeping you happy?

scheming_gypsy

lostinrates wrote: »

For me it would depend on the alternatives. If the stepson has a maternal family he would like to spend it with then that's fine, and the M-i-l ...is she a lone, would she want to be alone at christmas?

.

well the mother in law will be the step son's grandma.. but why should the OP put the mother in law first so she's not alone and make themself unhappy?

the_cat

I don't really understand what the problem is from the limited amount of info available

OP -Is it that you don't get on with stepson/MIL and can't bear to be in their company? If so, why is Christmas any different to any other time of the year? If you don't see them at Christmas, presumably you will see them another time instead?

lostinrates

lurvlyloz wrote: »

if your busy keeping everyone happy...who is keeping you happy?

DH and I take boxing day . Seriously, if we were a lone, which we've done a couple of times, its wonderful and easier, but there is also a bit of guilt. Its not that hard to put other people's wants first at a highly emotionally charged time of year...there are plenty of other times to do what we alone want to do less conspicuously and with less/no hurt caused.

m-i-l won't be around forever, and step son will one day have a partner/family of their own...

Jerryjerryjerry

Gigglepig wrote: »

I've got a Christmas piggybank where I put away spare coins, in the belief that it will all add up by December :-)

You may be able to save money by flying on the less attractive dates - if you travel either well before christmas or on other days that are not as popular such as the 26th...

Anyway, does your stepson have somewhere else to spend Christmas, and what about your mother in law? Unless they have other people to celebrate with it is quite selfish to remove your husband away from them over Christmas?

If going away is too expensive, can you celebrate with your family instead?

Thanks for your post. Helpful at first, then degenerated into an accusation. I'm not selfish, just protecting myself. Why should I suffer another Christmas in company I despise?

When we go to their house, I end up sitting, listening to her shouting (coz she can't speak normally, she has to shout really really loudly, and she never ever waits for the answer to any question she asks me, before she opens her mouth to continue shouting.. she never shuts up. I find it hard to understand her as well, because her teeth are very much far forward, and her speech is unclear as a result) I end up having to either ask her to repeat something or just keep nodding politely. I end up being with 1 person I love, and 2, I can't stand the company of. Whereas, she is over the moon when we go around.

I don't really know about my stepson, as I find it hard to communicate with him due to the way he speaks. He seems to speak a competely different language to me. (i've never had children). I think they call it gangsta talk. Although he's not a gangsta.

I can't stand the sight of either of them on most days, let alone an important day like Christmas. I'm getting upset and angry just writing about them.. and the way i'm feeling, I'll happily go into debt, to get out of spending any of my free time with them!

They have each other. They also have their own house. The boy also has his mother who lives in the same town.

Jerryjerryjerry

puddy wrote: »

is your husband ok with this plan, does he dislike it as much as you

if so, then dont book anywhere, just tell them you're going away and park the car away from the house if necessary

if you really need to book away, i always think its nice to go somewhere cold, maybe rent a cottage in scotland or something and snuggle up with whisky and cake

Yes.. husband is excited at the prospect of getting some sun. We haven't had a holiday for two years.

We don't like the cold much. However, your idea of a cottage in scotland with a fire sounds cracking.

puddy

but does your husband feel the same about your step son (his son i presume?) and his mother as you do?

Jerryjerryjerry

the_cat wrote: »

It might be cheaper to just tell the truth!

Chances are they will only try to arrange a 'mock christmas' get together for a date near to when you are away. Then you have the ludicrous expense of holidaying at the most expensive time of year and STILL have to either meet up or confront the issue

If they try that, I wont go. I usually use the "i've got womens problems" excuse. I've managed to get out of about 15 family gatherings using that one in the last year alone!

They have a huge family. She has lots of daughters, and they each have 3 children of ages ranging between 16-23. And they love their parties. Whereas I'm not a party person. I am a stay at home, homely person who likes being alone or with my husband.