Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

margaretclare

balletshoes wrote: »

I'd second the idea of a rural cottage somewhere in the countryside in the UK . Remember the terrible weather we had last December, I was driving up to Scotland in -11 temps on Christmas Eve morning. I'd rather be able to get there by road, than spend thousands on a trip abroad and possibly not make it due to bad weather closing the airports.

Try Valley View Farm Cottages in North Yorkshire. http://www.valleyviewfarm.com/

margaretclare

I put the suggestion about North Yorkshire before reading all the rest i.e. about a warm place, Tenerife has been mentioned.

I feel a lot of sympathy for the OP. I've become fairly cynical about the whole 'Christmas get-together with families' hype that we're given. My view is: there are 364 other days in the year to get together, to give presents, all the rest of it, and the hype and build-up to Christmas is only matched by the disagreements and break-ups that happen just because of the expectations which cannot be met.

About the son, he's not unique, apparently. 'Gangsta-speak' is considered 'cool' among some sections of the young (not all, thank goodness). Dr David Starkey was criticised for saying just that, very recently. It's not English and I too would find it incomprehensible. I sometimes watch the Jeremy Kyle show and good heavens, there is a man who really 'tells it as it is'. I heard him very recently lose his rag with one guy and really laid into him for not working, for using his 'dole money' for drugs and drink and not trying to support the children he'd engendered (although he did want 'contact' with them).

For someone with a strong work ethic it must be hard indeed to have to watch this going on, and especially on what you regard as 'the most special day of the year'. I agree. I'd rather spend time as a volunteer in an animal shelter. One Christmas I volunteered for the homeless shelter, and I found people who were down-and-out through no fault of their own. I have a strong work ethic myself and, thank goodness, so have all my relatives. My youngest GD works part-time picking and packing internet grocery orders - she'd rather do that than have no work at all. OTOH, why wish this useless waste of space on any unsuspecting employer? He couldn't even be relied on to get there on time in the mornings. My GD gets a taxi for work that starts at 5 am. Some wouldn't even consider that.

That was a bit of a digression - sorry. DH and I usually do go away at Christmas, but this year we may just have a quiet time on our own. Last year we had to fight our way through snowdrifts in the Belgian Ardennes! It was magical, but impossible to get around.

I actually do sympathise.

lurvlyloz

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

If she was just a vegan and a nice person, nothing would be wrong with her. But she gives us filthy looks and covers her mouth, often sitting away from us, when we eat meat.

ask her to sit away....way away....back at her hosue away from your house. haha

sorry bit harsh but made me giggle.

you only need to worry abotu your self & because of the marriagy bit your husband. if hes ok with you spending it alone...do so. dont give in and end up spending another christmas with someone you dont like. MIL or not...if you dont like the woman you dont like her. you didnt chose her and don't have to like her. you chose your husband...and i presume you like him

i am old and miserable (at the ripe old age of 25) and i now see christmas as another day of the year. if your happy the rest of the year then be happy on this day as well. if your not then dont be. i dont like the forced happiness element of christmas.

any hoo... wasnt the original post about where to go cheaply not a "i hate my mil" rant.

i would say the med would be a cheap alternative to florida if you are wanting sunshine..... a villa maybe so you can do your own nice christmassy thing

Mojisola

January20 wrote: »

I agree with this. The OP is very honest. There are a lot of posts on this board of people suffering because of their in-laws and just putting up with it/ being too meek to do anything about it. The OP obviously has strong feelings and it sounds like this board is the only place where she can vent properly, let all the anger out. She doesn't hide her feelings, so what?

I have been riled up by this thread too, but not because of the OP, because of the nasty comments she has received from the usual "oh I am so perfect" brigade. Again, we only have a snapshot of the OP's life and how many of you have read her previous thread about her stepson? Really read it and not just skimmed it to find info to beat her up with? When I read it, I felt she had been tricked by her husband. I have sympathy for the OP. Sometimes, it's like posters refuse to try and understand, refuse to have any kind of empathy!

I don't think the OP is selfish. She has given clues in this thread about all the things she does for her MIL and the stepson, like take them groceries after work. Clues which have been conveniently ignored.

It sound like the OP has hidden the depth of her feelings from her husband and that the in-laws don't have a clue. A truly selfish person would have made clear how she felt.

OP, ignore the nastiness. Life is too short to spend it with people you don't like or make you unhappy. I would suggest you re-post on the travel board - without the family issues.

This is how I felt, having read the other thread. In the same position, I don't think I would be dropping round with bread and milk when there was an able-bodied young man in the house quite capable of going shopping!

margaretclare

Mojisola wrote: »

This how I felt, having read the other thread. In the same position, I don't think I would be dropping round with bread and milk when there was an able-bodied young man in the house quite capable of going shopping!

No, nor me. Incidentally, as Jeremy Kyle says, it is our tax money - yours and mine - which is being used to keep this useless article in booze and drugs. DH and I are long retired but we clocked-up almost a century at work between us, and are still paying tax. It was never meant to be like this. Jobseekers' Allowance was meant to be just enough to keep from starving while you looked for another job. The architects of the Welfare State, Beveridge and others, must be spinning in their graves.

Jerryjerryjerry

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Perhaps she knows exactly what you think of her and actually enjoys making your life hell.



Nah Junior has far too many ambitions in life, as well as being too young, to settle down yet.

BUT I am making it my personal goal for my DIL to love me - by teaching Junior that housework is not just for women and I've had two good teachers on how MIL should behave towards their SIL / DIL.

You've obviously missed my point though....the point I was making was that if my DIL turned out to be a person like you, there's no way on this planet would she get to enjoy any of my money - whether it be while I was alive or after my death

You obviously chose to ignore my comments re being a carbon copy - too close to the truth perhaps?

I ignore stuff that doesn't apply to me. You don't know me, but if you did, you'd see that i am the sort of person who would rather sleep on a park bench than ask someone for money, or take someone else's money.

I have worked hard all my life. I'm a very proud woman. And to suggest that I would accept a penny from someone I hate, let alone anybody else, is an insult.. which is why I chose to ignore that.

As for being a carbon copy of my mother in law. That made me laugh, as I coud not be more different if I tried! lol.

Jerryjerryjerry

Violetta wrote: »

And breathe.
Work out your budget & figure out somewhere you & oh would really like to go for Xmas & have an amazing time.
After last Xmas spent waiting on my own MIL whilst suffering the worst flu ever. Slaving out in the kitchen whilst she sat on her bum doing F.all (oh lord I could go on) It will be a long time before I spend another Xmas with her. I finally told her a few home truths on Boxing day & haven't spoken to her since, it's been bliss.
I think I'd go to Tromso to see the Northern Light's

Do you know what? I'd love to tell my MIL a few home truths. I'd probably need a few drinks first in order to pluck up the courage!

I so admire you for telling her to F off and envy you that you are not on speaking terms. That would be ideal for me. For her to hate me so much that she couldn't bare to be in my company!

Jerryjerryjerry

anguk wrote: »

Do you have children of your own? I ask because you sound a bit like my Dad's wife. She didn't like the idea that my Dad had any family, she thought it should always just be the two of them, she made no effort whatsoever to get to know my Grandmother or me and my 3 siblings. You'll be pleased to know that in the end we all ended up not bothering with them, none of my siblings have any contact with her or my Dad and my Grandmother is in a old peoples home so she got her wish and it's now just the two of them.

Maybe in time the same will happen for you, your MIL will get older & go into a home or die and your husband's children will grow tired of being hated and resented by their step-mother and just cut contact. Then you'll have your wish and it'll just be you and your husband. Of course there's always the chance that your husband will then resent you.

I don't have any children.

Also, just because your dad married a woman.. what gives you the right to think she might be interested in you?? She married your dad.. It is her right to decide whether or not she gets involved with an extended family.

In my case, I was marrying a man who hadn't had contact with his 3 sons for 2 years. The day before I married him, one of the sons turns up. I didn't meet him until the evening of the wedding - just after the reception.

I am not interested in someone else's family.

Jerryjerryjerry

January20 wrote: »

I agree with this. The OP is very honest. There are a lot of posts on this board of people suffering because of their in-laws and just putting up with it/ being too meek to do anything about it. The OP obviously has strong feelings and it sounds like this board is the only place where she can vent properly, let all the anger out. She doesn't hide her feelings, so what?

I have been riled up by this thread too, but not because of the OP, because of the nasty comments she has received from the usual "oh I am so perfect" brigade. Again, we only have a snapshot of the OP's life and how many of you have read her previous thread about her stepson? Really read it and not just skimmed it to find info to beat her up with? When I read it, I felt she had been tricked by her husband. I have sympathy for the OP. Sometimes, it's like posters refuse to try and understand, refuse to have any kind of empathy!

I don't think the OP is selfish. She has given clues in this thread about all the things she does for her MIL and the stepson, like take them groceries after work. Clues which have been conveniently ignored.

It sound like the OP has hidden the depth of her feelings from her husband and that the in-laws don't have a clue. A truly selfish person would have made clear how she felt.

OP, ignore the nastiness. Life is too short to spend it with people you don't like or make you unhappy. I would suggest you re-post on the travel board - without the family issues.

I really, really appreciate this post. I thought I was in some sort of twilight zone for a while there.

X

January20

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I really, really appreciate this post. I thought I was in some sort of twilight zone for a while there.

X

Well, if you are we're in it together then :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: