gutted

dipsy

fannyanna wrote: »

Dipsy - I don't think you're helping yourself here.

One minute you're fuming in yoru messages to us and saying that you're going to split with him and the next your replying to his email in a fun and flirtatious manner.

When you have a go at him later he's going to act all confused and not really know what's hit him. And to be honest I can understand why. You need to be consistent with him. You're angry (quite rightly) with him so let him know. Don't let him think he's off the hook by being nicey, nicey to him on email.

He knows he is meeting me to talk, i told him on Sunday I needed to speak face to face.

I don't want to do it either in text/email/phone....

I understand what you are saying though but he knows I am not my usual self and he will know why, when I spoke on Sunday I told him that I needed to talk re the situation but I wasn't doing it remotely.

I am going to deal with this head on later, not in an angry way but in a calm manner

Angry is not my way, I guess I am just very hurt and upset and confused all rolled into one right now

dipsy

pimento wrote: »

You two need to actually talk to each other. Both your emails are full of nervous "lol" and smiley faces, when I suspect that's the last thing you both mean.

The jokey banter has to stop long enough for you to say what you need to say to each other.

For what it's worth, he sounds like a prize and you sound like you're worth more.

Good luck.

straight is what I will be when I see him, as much as it pains me I will walk away

dipsy

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I would say you are attracting the wrong kind of man.

I don't normally give a hoot, he is only the 2nd person in my 43 years to get under my skin

but I will walk if it doesn't get resolved end of

Candy53

Dipsy,

I was in your position once, and found out he still had feelings for this girl. I could have kicked myself, because in the beginning I believed all his lies about only wanting to help his ex etc.

It was only when I found out they were an item again that the penny dropped, and I realized then that if all he wanted to do was help her, and had feelings for me, he would have helped her perhaps from a distance yes, but he would have stayed with me.

Sorry, but it does sound as though yours has still got feelings for his ex. If you don't contact him, and give him space, he might realize he misses you, and it's you he really wants to be with.

Best wishes,
Candy.

dipsy

Candy53 wrote: »

Dipsy,

I was in your position once, and found out he still had feelings for this girl. I could have kicked myself, because in the beginning I believed all his lies about only wanting to help his ex etc.

It was only when I found out they were an item again that the penny dropped, and I realized then that if all he wanted to do was help her, and had feelings for me, he would have helped her perhaps from a distance yes, but he would have stayed with me.

Sorry, but it does sound as though yours has still got feelings for his ex. If you don't contact him, and give him space, he might realize he misses you, and it's you he really wants to be with.

Best wishes,
Candy.

thanks Candy I think deep down inside I know this is absolutely true, I have written all my thoughts down as I don't think I can trust myself to say it without getting emotional, I am going to see him say what I have to say leave him the note and walk away and leave the ball firmly in his court and crack on with my life.

barbiedoll

I don't want to bring you down even more dipsy, but I married a man with an ex like this and she just wouldn't go away.

She did the "suicide" bid (i.e. had a glass of wine, a couple of paracetamols and phoned all her friends to tell them what she'd done) and she constantly rang him, wrote to him and hassled him non-stop from the time we got together. Of course, I knew nothing of this until it was too late, by then, I found out that she had been calling him when I was out at work (with two jobs to pay the mortgage :mad:), they each had a matching mobile which they used to communicate, plus, she had sent him topless pictures of herself, to MY house! She's just lucky that I'm not the vindictive sort, I could quite easily have copied them and posted them to her husband and parents! :eek::eek:

Eventually, she (and him) drove me away and I've been thanking my lucky stars ever since. They ended up together, they have a couple of kids but they basically live apart for most of the time. She's always on facebook moaning about how he treats her (badly) and I've just heard that they've finally split, apparently for good.

All that chasing and begging him to come back, ultimately didn't do her much good, I'm still happily married to the man that I met after my divorce so I know that I'm the winner in all this. I know that you care for this guy but unless he can tell her to take a hike and actually mean it, you should cut your losses and run. He, and her, will just make you miserable, suspicious, jealous and unhappy and you are clearly worth more than that. You will meet someone worthy of you, lots of men have baggage (including my husband with his myriad of exes and children!) but it's how they deal with it that counts.

Good luck and I wish you well xx

Gigglepig

Sorry to hear about this Dipsy. Agree with the other posters that it doesn't sound too promising.

In a way it is a good thing that he wants to look after his ex and help her, it shows that he is a caring and loyal person. However, you obviously need him to be 100% over her before starting anything.

Perhaps the best thing is to move on, and then if you are still single in a years time get back in touch and see if things have changed.

Good luck :-)

dipsy

Gigglepig wrote: »

Sorry to hear about this Dipsy. Agree with the other posters that it doesn't sound too promising.

In a way it is a good thing that he wants to look after his ex and help her, it shows that he is a caring and loyal person. However, you obviously need him to be 100% over her before starting anything.

Perhaps the best thing is to move on, and then if you are still single in a years time get back in touch and see if things have changed.

Good luck :-)

There will be no going back at all......

He makes his choice and that is final no going back

fluffnutter

dipsy wrote: »

Finally met someone i really like still early days three months

anyway bomb shell dropped ex of 5 months is threatening to commit suicide saying she has nowhere to live after 1st september

he feels so guilty he is talking about letting her move in as a friend
until she sorts herself out

meanwhile he suggests we go on hold

i told hold was not an option but we would be over

Only found out on friday its been a harrowing few days

He is lovely and can imagine a future with him or could till this relevation

he says he doesnt want her back but feels responsible for hr safety

they have been together for two and half years but split up twice
since oct 2010

i have my own thoughts on the suicide etc. but would like some input thankd

Steer well clear until he's free to be with you. If he feels a responsibility towards his ex (and that's up to him) it's not the right time for you and him. It's irrelevant what his ex's motives are - perhaps she's serious, perhaps she really needs help, perhaps she's a manipulative cow who can't face the thought of him moving on - whatever the reason, do NOT get bogged down in her affairs.

Say kindly and compassionately 'I understand how difficult this is. You go do what you need to do' and let him get on with it. Do not see him, stay in casual contact if you like but make it perfectly clear that he doesn't have an intimate and committed relationship with you whilst he has his ex living with him.

Hopefully he'll realise his loyalties are towards his future (and you) and not to his ex.

Edit: Sorry I didn't read your post very well. You are right to draw this to a close. You're not a telly that can be put on stand-by for a few months whilst he sorts his ex out. You are not to be put 'on hold' until such time as he can be bothered to pick up the pieces again. Tell him it's been great but you're going to call it a day. And go and get on with your life. Meet other people and try to move on.

However, if he realises very quickly his ex is playing him for a fool and asks her to leave, and gets back in contact, I'd give him another chance for sure. Everyone deserves a chance.

make_me_wise

barbiedoll wrote: »

I don't want to bring you down even more dipsy, but I married a man with an ex like this and she just wouldn't go away.

She did the "suicide" bid (i.e. had a glass of wine, a couple of paracetamols and phoned all her friends to tell them what she'd done)

Thats not a suicide bid. If she'd drank the bottle and popped all the pills and called no-one she would be on a suicide mission. What she was doing was just a stupid cry for attention and sympathy.

I do get your point though about these types never giving up.