gutted

ETanny

My first thought was Woah crazy attention seeking ex alert espeically as you said she had done this kind of thing before - Why hasnt he walked away from her craziness? My feeling is he still wants her and wants to play you along too 'just incase'.
I know its probably sucky now but walking away is the right thing to do.

SandC

Don't forget the manipulative power of exes can be great. Just cos you split up, doesn't mean you wish to hurt them. He, sorry to say, just sounds like a wuss to me, sorry.

I had similar sitch myself. My ex actually lived with an ex, who denied she was an ex (said housemate, used to lodge with her, bought place together for ease etc.). Anyway. Because of her, and more importantly him and his weak will, our relationship was doomed. There was no way she was ever going to agree to sell that house and go their separate ways. I will never know to this date what their involvement together was but his mother told me she was under the impression that they were together then split up when he met me.

The point is. If there is an ex in the picture, unless they truly are just friends (ie several years have passed) or she is the mother of his child(ren), then walk away because there are feelings on one or both sides. Trust me!

Put it this way, if you had an ex who you were friendly with and he found a new girlf who he really fell for would you hang around like you were still together or would you back away and let the relationship develop?

make_me_wise

dipsy wrote: »

I think its blackmail and have said this too him

She has been threatning this before i was around

i know if she moves back in she will attempt to wear him down and i have said this too

Meeting tomorrow and feel i should say no contact till an outcome is reached

im completely torn

I completely agree with you. She is trying to blackmail him and is being extremely manipulative. It must be a horrible position for him to be in but if he values his relationship with you he wont go near her.

I would suggest he tells her straight that she cannot make these type of threats just to get her own way and gives her information about organisations who can help her. If she chooses not to take his advice and does anything stupid that is her choice and not his responsibility.

If he wont do this and insists on helping her then call it a day with him. They will both make life a misery for you. He will never have the backbone to shake her off and whilst he is like that she has no incentive to change does she!

dipsy

Its all so bloody confusing he has just emailed me at work to say

You’re just depressed because you couldn’t drive to work with ya roof down, poser, lol.

2 hours kip is not good. Did the strangling of the pillow not work then, lol.

If i can assist with your !!!!, i’d be glad to help, but i must warn you i’m no expert. I usually get people in the !!!!, no out of it, lol.
What’s happened to that cool, calm, collected, nothing can phase me kind of woman with strong hands. It must be something to do with outside factors that are out of your control, or you’d have it all sorted. You remind me of Margret Thatcher, Miss Iron Lady, lol.


He can't possibly not know its all about his situation, no man is that dumb or is he just using avoidance tactics.... I am going to remove his man parts when i see him later lol

dipsy

I replied

Ha ha, how funny me depressed, sod that that sounds too much like hard work…. Never gonna happen, sometimes !!!! happens and it throws us off kilter that’s all, and over active mind and lack of sleep certainly doesn’t help.

Anyway who says I didn’t have my roof down lol… but your right I didn’t, bit too grey for even me this morningJ

As for your assistance, thanks for the offer, you are 100% correct it is something out of my control and as such makes it more difficult to reach a right and proper solution, but I will, it’s my job J although I am not getting paid for this sadly lol

Cool, calm, collected, nothing can phase me, hmmmmmmmmmmm, well 97% of the time this would be true J but I am a human not a robot J


I am not sure the reference to Margaret Thatcher is at all helpful really lol

balletshoes

dipsy wrote: »

This has been my thought i failed suicide when i was 19 i never mentioned it infact had a nice eve with friends
Prior to doing it .
i had been severly bullied

i was critical and my family were flown back from abroad

I had a very candid chat with him on sat eve and revealed things such as this fact to try
and let him know i understand . i have told him i understand how she feels regarding the break up
but went on to say putting me aside he wouldnt be able to have any relationship till he sorts this

we then went out and had s lovely evening i was determined to speak then move on

i also suggested we didnt see eachother till decision made but he said he couldnt do that or consider it as needed to see me

my confusion is killing me

i have even been angry unbeknown to him for starting a relationship when his ex was unstable and putting me in this position

he's not listening to your point of view, he is going to help his ex, whether you like it or not. You should not be hanging around waiting for him to call you. You've split up twice before, for the sake of your sanity surely you need to call the shots and tell him its over. Could you cope with him living with an ex who is manipulative? If you stick around all you're telling him is its fine for him to do what he likes without considering your feelings at all.

make_me_wise

His response actually mocks and ridicules you doesn't it. He shows you no respect by not taking your feelings on board and acknowledging them. Id be furious if someone treated any genuine worries I had in such a blase way. Have some self respect and call it a day OP.

make_me_wise

balletshoes wrote: »

Could you cope with him living with an ex who is manipulative? If you stick around all you're telling him is its fine for him to do what he likes without considering your feelings at all.

Its not just the ex that is manipulative. His behaviour toward the OP has a level of manipulation to it as well.

dipsy

balletshoes wrote: »

he's not listening to your point of view, he is going to help his ex, whether you like it or not. You should not be hanging around waiting for him to call you. You've split up twice before, for the sake of your sanity surely you need to call the shots and tell him its over. Could you cope with him living with an ex who is manipulative? If you stick around all you're telling him is its fine for him to do what he likes without considering your feelings at all.

I won't be waiting around for him to call me not at all, and we haven't split up ever, we get along great, no issues but the ex is the issue, I am going to walk away if he is too weak to make a decision and that will be that, I haven't said it is fine at all I have told him it is totally unfine and I won't be hanging around at all

balletshoes

dipsy wrote: »

Its all so bloody confusing he has just emailed me at work to say

You’re just depressed because you couldn’t drive to work with ya roof down, poser, lol.

2 hours kip is not good. Did the strangling of the pillow not work then, lol.

If i can assist with your !!!!, i’d be glad to help, but i must warn you i’m no expert. I usually get people in the !!!!, no out of it, lol.
What’s happened to that cool, calm, collected, nothing can phase me kind of woman with strong hands. It must be something to do with outside factors that are out of your control, or you’d have it all sorted. You remind me of Margret Thatcher, Miss Iron Lady, lol.


He can't possibly not know its all about his situation, no man is that dumb or is he just using avoidance tactics.... I am going to remove his man parts when i see him later lol

sounds like he still has no intention of listening to you - thats the email of an avoiding a**e!