gutted

dipsy

Finally met someone i really like still early days three months

anyway bomb shell dropped ex of 5 months is threatening to commit suicide saying she has nowhere to live after 1st september

he feels so guilty he is talking about letting her move in as a friend
until she sorts herself out

meanwhile he suggests we go on hold

i told hold was not an option but we would be over

Only found out on friday its been a harrowing few days

He is lovely and can imagine a future with him or could till this relevation

he says he doesnt want her back but feels responsible for hr safety

they have been together for two and half years but split up twice
since oct 2010

i have my own thoughts on the suicide etc. but would like some input thankd

Mupette

dipsy wrote: »

Finally met someone i really like still early days three months

anyway bomb shell dropped ex of 5 months is threatening to commit suicide saying she has nowhere to live after 1st september

he feels so guilty he is talking about letting her move in as a friend
until she sorts herself out

meanwhile he suggests we go on hold

i told hold was not an option but we would be over

Only found out on friday its been a harrowing few days

He is lovely and can imagine a future with him or could till this relevation

he says he doesnt want her back but feels responsible for hr safety

they have been together for two and half years but split up twice
since oct 2010

i have my own thoughts on the suicide etc. but would like some input thankd

sorry i thought that too.. is this attention seeking to get him back now he is with you?

i know you dont want to hear this, but if she moves in and then worms her way into his affections.....


I guess you have to take a huge risk and let him go, make sure you tell him that alough you are not happy, that you are there as support to him....

something he may remember and appreciate and love you more for saying and offering.

Or i could get this completely wrong and she is genuine, then i would say this...

I guess you have to take a huge risk and let him go, make sure you tell him that alough you are not happy, that you are there as support to him....

something he may remember and appreciate and love you more for saying and offering.

horrible place for you to be, hope it works out.

dipsy

I think its blackmail and have said this too him

She has been threatning this before i was around

i know if she moves back in she will attempt to wear him down and i have said this too

Meeting tomorrow and feel i should say no contact till an outcome is reached

im completely torn

browneyedbazzi

dipsy wrote: »

anyway bomb shell dropped ex of 5 months is threatening to commit suicide saying she has nowhere to live after 1st september


i have my own thoughts on the suicide etc. but would like some input thankd

In my experience people who are serious about suicide don't talk about it/make threats/use it as emotional blackmail. They plan quietly, show few overt signs then go and carry out their plan. From what you've said in your post it sounds like this chap's ex is manipulating him and she will continue to do so as long as it means she gets what she wants. When I finally plucked up the courage to split from my ex he made similar threats to which I replied 'You make your choices, your actions are yours, not mine and I take no responsibility for them'. It's terrible, and I did worry that perhaps it was the wrong call and I'd end up feeling horribly guilty but I really believe that sometimes you have to call a bluff.

I do know a fair bit about suicide because I worked with a lot of troubled teens for years during which time I dealt with numerous suicide attempts/self harm/cries for help, I've also lived through a cousin and close friend completing suicide and I am trained and qualified to do suicide risk assessments.

If he's really concerned about her welfare then he should contact her family or a medical professional and put it in their hands.

dipsy

This has been my thought i failed suicide when i was 19 i never mentioned it infact had a nice eve with friends
Prior to doing it .
i had been severly bullied

i was critical and my family were flown back from abroad

I had a very candid chat with him on sat eve and revealed things such as this fact to try
and let him know i understand . i have told him i understand how she feels regarding the break up
but went on to say putting me aside he wouldnt be able to have any relationship till he sorts this

we then went out and had s lovely evening i was determined to speak then move on

i also suggested we didnt see eachother till decision made but he said he couldnt do that or consider it as needed to see me

my confusion is killing me

i have even been angry unbeknown to him for starting a relationship when his ex was unstable and putting me in this position

mandi

dipsy wrote: »

Finally met someone i really like still early days three months

anyway bomb shell dropped ex of 5 months is threatening to commit suicide saying she has nowhere to live after 1st september

he feels so guilty he is talking about letting her move in as a friend
until she sorts herself out

meanwhile he suggests we go on hold

i told hold was not an option but we would be over

Only found out on friday its been a harrowing few days

He is lovely and can imagine a future with him or could till this relevation

he says he doesnt want her back but feels responsible for hr safety

they have been together for two and half years but split up twice
since oct 2010

i have my own thoughts on the suicide etc. but would like some input thankd

Oh Dipsy . It hurts doesn't it .


In a way this man is doing you a favour . It's obvious from your post that he wants her back, sorry I know thats not what you want to read .


The fact is that he's filling you with lies to make him feel better .

I don't for one second think that he is taking her in becase she is threatening killing herself otherwise he would just tell her to get on with it if he doesn't care .

The fact that he's also put your relationship on hold means he want's to leave you on the back burner , just in case .

My advice would be to move on .. He has baggage which he doesn't seem to want to let go of .

Like I say he's done you a favour ..Move on and look back with smiles

thegirlintheattic

As hard as it is - walk away! Moving in as just friends never works with an ex. Whilst your bf might not want anything or do anything, you will always wonder and it will rip the relationship apart. Big red flag with the "put it on hold" as well. A close friend was in a similar situation (bf moved in with ex - as friends - last resort - nothing in it - but...) he has broken her over and over again, just to put her back together.

tankgirl1

Oh dipsy - I didn't want to read and run... Poor you!

However, as a sufferer from depression & bi-polar, I self harm, but have never contemplated suicide, and if I did, like other posters said, not that I would, but if I did, I'd do it quietly

Sounds like you other halfs ex needs help... she sounds very attention seeking - may be through no fault of her own..... have you spoken to your OH about perhaps trying to get her help?

Thinking of you OP xxx

scheming_gypsy

dipsy wrote: »

anyway bomb shell dropped ex of 5 months is threatening to commit suicide saying she has nowhere to live after 1st september

he feels so guilty he is talking about letting her move in as a friend
until she sorts herself out

meanwhile he suggests we go on hold

To be honest it sounds like him and his ex are thinking about giving it another go but he doesn't want to write off all his options.
If she's moving in as a friend, why can't he have a girlfriend? no reason to put it on hold without another reason,

pigpen

So why is he not offering to help her find somewhere new or supporting her getting her mental health issues sorted? he is allowing himself to be manipulated instead of being a grown up..

Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it!

Maybe not so lovely after all

scheming_gypsy

pigpen wrote: »

Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it!

it's a bit bloody silly having a cake and not eating it.