gutted

pigpen

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

it's a bit bloody silly having a cake and not eating it.

Not if you dont like cake... I dont like cake.. esp. fruitcake.. cant stand the stuff!

tod123

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

To be honest it sounds like him and his ex are thinking about giving it another go but he doesn't want to write off all his options.
,

Yep, he is going to give it another try, but does not want to burn his bridges in case it goes badly, has probably been seeing the ex all along

dipsy

Thanks for all your input

i am seeing him later and i am going to tell him im walking away

i will explain that he either needs to cut ties and move on or get back with her but i wont be sticking around to get hurt anymore

i do actually believe him as we moved things along very slowely but i guess i will never know for sure

Another sleepless night

i deserve better than this still plus side lost 4 pounds since friday lol x

Dave101t

freak show...avoid her and him if he is being party to this.

dipsy

I am going to tell him he sorts it once and for all and she moves on or he forgets me, I won't be party to this and I can't put myself through this.

I only found out by "accident" and wonder when he was actually going to tell me, when i asked him, he said "I hoped it would go away"

God I am turning into a lunatic over this, even thought of ringing the pub where she is staying to see if she was actually there under some false pretence, now I know I need to walk away this will pull me down

Haven't been sleeping/eating and waking up crying.... I have gone from sad to bloody fuming now

Maybe thats not such a bad thing.

heretolearn_2

Sorry dipsey but I think it's over.

If he was just a nice guy who wanted to help his ex, having her move in isn't really necessary. But even if it were, not being able to have a relationship at the same time, well, that's just rubbish isn't it.

You can't be put 'on hold'. Your life is not a DVD he can pause while he goes into the kitchen to make a cup of tea for 3 months.

Whether he wants her back or not is moot. This is treating you badly and he's not serious about you, or he doesn't see it getting serious at any point, otherwise he wouldn't dream of putting you 'on hold'.

Move on. Find someone who is properly free. I'm sorry you have to go through this upset.

Nimeth

Yep, sounds like his ex has him wrapped around her little finger. I suffered awfully with depression in my teenage years and seriously contemplated suicide. I told no one I had these thoughts. A friend of my grandmother's did commit suicide and she didn't tell anyone either. People who threaten and talk about it are most likely using it as blackmail. His remark about hoping it would go away tells me that he's not got the guts to stick up for your relationship with him.

It's good that you have put your foot down with him, you definitely need to be thinking about your own well being at this point!

CRANKY40

If he lets her move in she'll never go. Offer to help him find her somewhere else to stay instead.

dipsy

thanks everyone, I agree, he is weak at best and a player at worst

only he knows the answer to all of that, but I deserve better

gutted though I have spent the last 4 years not giving a hoot about anyone and then I meet someone, let my guard down and then this

B******s, still lesson learnt, next guy I meet will go through an interview before I get involved lol

Well, if he is letting her to control his life then he gets what he deserves to be honest.

I wrote all my feelings down in a letter, which I may or may not give him when i see him.

part of the novel said this:

If you really feel the need to sort her out then if you have the means I guess you could offer her deposit/first months rent to help her out, or get her professional help for her depression and suicidal thoughts.

This might make you feel better about it and she will improve in time once she is not in constant contact with you.

She has, as you stated got friends in and around ****** and ******, this is who she needs around her now family and friends, to speak with and help her get through this and help her see she will be ok again.

If after all of this she is still adamant the only solution is to move into yours then you quite clearly know it won’t be as friends, but then you and I both know that this is not the case anyway, she will only be happy with one outcome.

The flip side of all this is that maybe I have got you all wrong and you do intend to give it another go, and the reason you suggested we go on “hold” is because you want me in reserve in case it doesn’t work out again for you guys.

I can conclude nothing else with the “hold” comment, because if as you say she would be moving in as a friend, why would we be on “hold”, not that I would be accepting to the situation anyway, but to me it seems after much deliberation that it is a case of not burning your bridges in case it all goes belly up again – which I think you know deep down it will, ex’s are ex’s for a reason and people don’t change.

dipsy

Also concluded with this

Only you can make a decision which you perceive to be the best for you, and it has to be the best decision for YOU, no one else, not her, not me, not friends, it has to be what will make you happy.

Just so you know this is not me walking away from you, just letting you know that I won’t be playing second fiddle to anyone, made to feel like I am a mistress waiting in the background, as they say laying my cards on the table, if you want to be with me, then you need to sort this once and for all and if you don’t then I accept that you and I are over.