How to believe it's really over?

MrsE_2

January20 wrote: »

I'm sorry OP but there is nothing as unattractive and off putting as a man who begs you not to end a relationship! That in itself would make me want to run.

And why oh why did you beg her to say she loved you as she was ending the relationship with you? Again, another major turn off: blackmail!

Sorry if I'm harsh, but have some self-respect and she (and other women) might start to respect you more too!

I think thats quite unfair:(

People shouldn't play games, they should speak openly about how they feel.

If they want to tell someone they mean the world to them & want to be with them, then they should. I'm not saying this is right for the OPs case.

But you can't say that a man shouldn't lay it open how much he loves a woman for fear of looking unattractive or lacking self respect.

poet123

If you get back together this time are you prepared to live the rest of your life like this? That is your future, and it will get worse not better. You have been together eight months, this should be the most blissful time of your relationship if it is right, the honeymoon period, and yet this is how she behaves.

Seriously, don't see getting back together as winning, see it as losing long term. Imagine being 40 with two kids which she can use to manipulate you with......

Sorry to be harsh OP but you sound like a lovely man who deserves better. Short term pain for long term gain, cut your losses now and find someone who is stable, who can cope with life without heaping blame on to you. In short find someone you can be happy with, not someone you will be forever walking on eggshells with.

make_me_wise

milkybar wrote: »

And another update, another text asking to see me at the end of the month. We had two days planned together that last night she said would never happen and now she wants to see me then. I actually don't get her at all!

Say no. Tell her that you are tired and confused by the games she keeps playing and that you are taking some space out from her to decide what it is you want. Might just make her think about what is an acceptable way to treat someone and what isn't.

yvonne13_2

OP, sorry to say this but I think she is playing you like a fiddle.

duchy

Big deep breath and say NO

Do you think if you had responded to her texts like you have in the past she'd be talking about the end of the month .......or do you think she's saying it to feel out what is going on in your head ?

Really the wise thing to do would be to say -Not at the moment -don't explain just let her think about it

milkybar

I asked why, got a message saying I just need to, please. And then I didn't reply back to it. She's feeling guilty by the sound of it and it's one of two things. 1) Making sure I'm ok before leaving and moving on or 2) An explanation and trying to be together again. I'm guessing it's the latter as she's happy to break up on a telephone call and be fine and then just switch when she has no attention this morning.

So the answer will be no. Until I figure out what to do and it's on my terms I definitely won't be seeing her.

duchy

I'm sorry but I don't think she's feeling guilty-Just bemused that she's not getting her own way.

You've already said she has poor people skills I suspect she has no understanding why you aren't jumping at her so generous offer-as before you would have done. Well done for staying strong !

poet123

milkybar wrote: »

I asked why, got a message saying I just need to, please. And then I didn't reply back to it. She's feeling guilty by the sound of it and it's one of two things. 1) Making sure I'm ok before leaving and moving on or 2) An explanation and trying to be together again. I'm guessing it's the latter as she's happy to break up on a telephone call and be fine and then just switch when she has no attention this morning.

So the answer will be no. Until I figure out what to do and it's on my terms I definitely won't be seeing her.

This is the 6th episode in 8 months, and hard though it is, unless you are happy to go through life like this you have only one sensible option.

make_me_wise

milkybar wrote: »

So the answer will be no. Until I figure out what to do and it's on my terms I definitely won't be seeing her.

You really are making the right decision. There may be times in the next few days when it wont feel like it but trust that this decision is best for you.

No one is 100% perfect, we all have our faults and yes when we are in relationships we have to accept things in our partners that aren't ideal. There are limits though, for very good reason, as to what someone should be expected to tolerate.

Another poster made an excellent point about imagining yourself in your 40s with two kids with this girl. Your life and theirs would be unbearable.

In your first post the overriding thing for me was how confused, mixed up and utterly desperately unhappy you came across. That is no way to live life or feel day to day. It is totally okay to be completely focused on you and what you want to happen next, for as long as it takes for you to work it out. Take it from someone who knows, being with the wrong person for to long is way scarier and horrible than being single and giving yourself time to meet somebody who can really make you happy.

shellsuit

How old are you both?

Sounds like a teenage 'relationship' to me and not a healthy one at all.