How to believe it's really over?

[Deleted User]

I agree too, and ive been there. In the end its soul destroying.

Gillyx

Long distance relationships are stressful enough at the best of times, if this is the way she behaves and you say you have "petty" arguments how would you actually be living together? It seems to me like the wrong relationship for both of you. Also STOP texting her, don't text to say you're not at work, don't text to say you love her, don't text to say you don't want to break up. It will make you come across as needy which isn't an attractive trait at all.

If I was you I'd leave it a few weeks, if she contacts you, reply, but be curt and polite. You will then see if she is game playing or if it's for real. Personally I wouldn't wait around long enough to find out, I hate attention seekers.

gillypkk

it sounds like she is very confused and mixed up. i dont know what has happened in her past relationships but that might be having an effect of your one.

i know how my ex-hubby treated me in our marriage has massivly affected my relationship so much so that i was almost like your ex - i kept getting scared of the commitment and running away ending it for no apparent reason. only on thursday i ended it totally this time and i wont go back to him anymore. i kept going back coz i hated hurting him and if i took him back then he would stop hurting and i wouldnt feel like such a c*w but i realised i was hurting myself by trying not to hurt him.

i think you need to be the one to take charge and say "ok this is the final time. we have tried and it obviously isnt working and isnt fair on either of us" and walk away. by all means keep the door open so that in the future (6 months to a year) once you are stronger and she has sorted some issues, if you both still feel the same you can maybe try again and do it properly but dont keep running back to her. she could feel exactly the same as i do and is compromising her happiness for yours.

CH27

You are allowing her to treat you this way.

If you don't put a stop to it you will just carry on going round in circles becoming more & more hurt & frustrated.

Put your wellbeing first & build a new life with someone who does love & respect you.

make_me_wise

To me her behaviour seems manipulative and ridiculous. I was going to write that either she wants a relationship with you or she doesn't. More to the point though why do you want a relationship with someone who treats you like a puppet on a string? A good relationship has mutual respect and consideration. From what you have written it has to be all on her terms 24/7.

[Deleted User]

Theres a lot of us all going through the same sorts of relationship problems. Different circumstances but ultimately were all here because weve been hurt or are hurting. Its taken me this long to do what everyone is suggesting to you now. If it is meant to be then it wll be whether its a few weeks time or a month. I agree with all the posters, take time out. Talk on here, i thought i must be a saddo doing this but its really, really helped me because i dont know any of you but we can see it as it is which is better than someone sugar coating it all.

milkybar

Thank you again for all of your comments.

I can really see how to everyone else it sounds like she's manipulative, doesn't want to be with me and is compromising her own happiness to keep me happy.

However. I know she has had an extremely unhappy childhood and I'm the first person she has 'let in' so to speak. So when she feels as though she is getting too close, it's almost as if she backs away again to keep safe distance. I really do think that I make her happy when she allows herself to be, but a lot of the time she feels she doesn't deserve to be happy. When we are together 24/7 we are the happiest couple you could ever meet but when we are apart and things are misinterpreted by text or phone call that is when it becomes like this and it's extremely hard to get it right again without seeing each other.

I do think she wants to be with me, I just feel as though she is having another of her stages of life getting on top of her, and the whole sister thing really hasn't helped in the slightest and has contributed a lot to this.

However I have taken the advice on board and not replied, and I'm hoping she does come around. If she does, she will be on her final chance though.

VfM4meplse

Having been there myself, I feel your pain. It's always so tempting to go back, but once you've got past the point of trust and tolerance - which I think you have on this occasion - it's better to end any contact at all. The sharpest agony ends after a week of cold turkey, that's when you start remembering that you had a life before your g/f.

mildred1978

Are you both 14 because this sounds totally ridiculous to me. Neither of you are acting like adults.

CH27

milkybar wrote: »

Thank you again for all of your comments.

I can really see how to everyone else it sounds like she's manipulative, doesn't want to be with me and is compromising her own happiness to keep me happy.

However. I know she has had an extremely unhappy childhood and I'm the first person she has 'let in' so to speak. So when she feels as though she is getting too close, it's almost as if she backs away again to keep safe distance. I really do think that I make her happy when she allows herself to be, but a lot of the time she feels she doesn't deserve to be happy. When we are together 24/7 we are the happiest couple you could ever meet but when we are apart and things are misinterpreted by text or phone call that is when it becomes like this and it's extremely hard to get it right again without seeing each other.

I do think she wants to be with me, I just feel as though she is having another of her stages of life getting on top of her, and the whole sister thing really hasn't helped in the slightest and has contributed a lot to this.

However I have taken the advice on board and not replied, and I'm hoping she does come around. If she does, she will be on her final chance though.

Has she had any counselling to resolve her issues?

Life throws things at us all the time.
You cannot live in a bubble forever. Can you cope if she goes funny everytime something goes a bit wrong?