How to believe it's really over?

make_me_wise

OP is this your first relationship? Have you ever been with someone who treats you well and is easy going? Are you aware that in healthy relationships if one person has a problem they turn to the other as a sounding board, not use them like an emotional punch bag?

Im not asking all this to ridicule or undermine you. I just get this uneasy feeling that this may be the first person who has really meant something to you and you seem to be suffering all kinds of emotional abuse to keep them with you. People on here have been bang on with their advice to you. It cant be easy to read and digest when things like this have been said about someone you love. For your own sake insist on some space from her, get out with your friends and have a really hard think about what you want and deserve.

People have asked if your gf has had counselling. If you continue in this relationship as it is for much longer it is you who will end up needing counselling.

milkybar

I actually just wanted to know! Because she was deliberately trying to hurt me so I'd hate her and just leave. So she said a lot of hurtful things that I knew weren't true (the cheating being one of them!) so I asked if she really did love me, every time got the answer of I don't want to answer. It's obviously a yes but I just wanted to make sure.

I cried, so what? It's emotion and I care. As much as I wanted to act like I was made of stone I was having my heart broken by her on the phone. It's not a very nice thing to hear at all and I'm sorry for crying. If I could take the time back I wouldn't have even answered the phone last night!

milkybar

make_me_wise wrote: »

OP is this your first relationship? Have you ever been with someone who treats you well and is easy going? Are you aware that in healthy relationships if one person has a problem they turn to the other as a sounding board, not use them like an emotional punch bag?

It's not my first relationship no! My ex before this was lovely and would do absolutely anything for me but it just didn't work out. She is the first person who means everything to me and I am doing as was said and not texting, calling and just having my own space.

Everyone's advice here was to pretty much run, but I will take my space and think and I'm sure she will too. Maybe my feelings will have changed in a few weeks who knows, but it's her that's lost out, not me. If it's meant to be it will be.

make_me_wise

milkybar wrote: »

Everyone's advice here was to pretty much run, but I will take my space and think and I'm sure she will too. Maybe my feelings will have changed in a few weeks who knows, but it's her that's lost out, not me. If it's meant to be it will be.

Keep reminding yourself of this. Good for you for reclaiming some dignity and giving yourself some space. Im not sure how easy this will be for you. I get the impression you are a person who likes/needs to know exactly where they stand, as most of us do. Its not something done very much anymore but I would write her a letter. Explain how you feel when times are good and tell her calmly but in no uncertain terms how you feel when she behaves the way she is. Then there are no loose ends to tie up or room for any confusion on her part. You will both be completely clear on why this space is needed and can decide what you want from the future. However things pan out OP I hope in a few months you will be in a much happier place than you are right now.

milkybar

make_me_wise wrote: »

Keep reminding yourself of this. Good for you for reclaiming some dignity and giving yourself some space. Im not sure how easy this will be for you. I get the impression you are a person who likes/needs to know exactly where they stand, as most of us do. Its not something done very much anymore but I would write her a letter. Explain how you feel when times are good and tell her calmly but in no uncertain terms how you feel when she behaves the way she is. Then there are no loose ends to tie up or room for any confusion on her part. You will both be completely clear on why this space is needed and can decide what you want from the future. However things pan out OP I hope in a few months you will be in a much happier place than you are right now.

Surprisingly we have wrote each other letters in the past and I have quite a few that she's sent which makes me believe that how she feels and has suddenly changed from Friday morning to Saturday night is irrational and she's got something happenning that I don't know about!

You are right, everyone is right on that she isn't the most stable of people, I've known that for a long time. And I'm not the best partner in the world by far but I know I do give it my all and I know if this was reversed right now I would be doing my utmost to reassure her and try and fix her problems. I shouldn't be making her my priority when to her right now I am only an option. This is why I'm taking space. She wants me, she knows where I am. If she needs to talk I'm here. And when she changes her mind (because she will when I don't start texting all the time asking her to reconsider) I will tell her exactly what she needs to change starting straight away.

make_me_wise

milkybar wrote: »

I shouldn't be making her my priority when to her right now I am only an option. This is why I'm taking space. She wants me, she knows where I am. If she needs to talk I'm here. And when she changes her mind (because she will when I don't start texting all the time asking her to reconsider) I will tell her exactly what she needs to change starting straight away.

:T

Good for you. My dad once said to me that the one person who should treat us better than anyone else is our partner. Whether that be a bf/gf, fiance or husband/wife. Thats not to say that relationships will always run smoothly, there will always be ups and downs. Its how you work together as a couple at these times that makes the difference from being in a positive or negative relationship.

yvonne13_2

Do you think there is a possibility she wants to be with someone else?

neverdespairgirl

milkybar wrote: »

Been in a long distance relationship for eight months now.

Now the main point (lots of background there). She has done this about five times before and then changed her mind the next day.

This is the 6th time in 8 months?

Even if she doesn't mean it this time, do you want to continue in such a roller-coaster of a relationship?

She sounds like a right drama queen.

milkybar

yvonne13 wrote: »

Do you think there is a possibility she wants to be with someone else?

No possibility at all. Just had another text asking how I am and that she can't stop thinking about me and it's making her worry. I just replied not to worry and that I'm ok.

Definitely no chance of anyone else. She can't stand people in general, prefers the company of a book than an actual friend!

milkybar

And another update, another text asking to see me at the end of the month. We had two days planned together that last night she said would never happen and now she wants to see me then. I actually don't get her at all!