How to believe it's really over?

VfM4meplse

milkybar wrote: »

However. I know she has had an extremely unhappy childhood and I'm the first person she has 'let in' so to speak. So when she feels as though she is getting too close, it's almost as if she backs away again to keep safe distance. I really do think that I make her happy when she allows herself to be, but a lot of the time she feels she doesn't deserve to be happy. When we are together 24/7 we are the happiest couple you could ever meet but when we are apart and things are misinterpreted by text or phone call that is when it becomes like this and it's extremely hard to get it right again without seeing each other.

That is a classic pattern of behaviour, and she is not going to change, whether she wants to or not. You're not her therapist after all, the mind games are a killer so for your own sanity plse just leave her alone.

pupsicola

You are not going to like my advice one bit but someone has got to make you see the light. Google 'narcissist'. Your girlfriend is one and if you stay with her she will make your life hell. The way she is has nothing to do with the distance between you mate. Get out fast.

[Deleted User]

Dont think of it as her final chance, its too soon. Think of it as you taking control. We dont know her or you and all of us want whats best but take baby steps. If you have in your head your going to loose her then instinct will tell you to do anything to cling on to her. Try approaching it in a less final way by stepping back. Reassessing the whole relationship and starting to make her realise that because of the way you are you cant deal with the way she is. Maybe it will sort its self out but time is what you need and by not txting for a day or so will give her time to miss you. I didint realise this until someone told me because ive kept txting and in contact hell never miss what is there. In others words go away so she can miss you. And yes i agree she has got a naccisstic personality and will never change and if you can deal with it (some can i couldnt) i walked away.

Plans_all_plans

You've titled your thread "how to believe it's really over?" but in all your posts you're giving reasons as to why in YOUR HEAD it isn't really over.

If she's telling you it's over, then it's over. If she's telling you it's over on the one hand, but then texting you all lovey dovey on the other hand, then she's just messing and you'll never have a normal relationship with her.

I can't believe how quickly people fall for others though! If there was even the slightest hint of someone being 'not quite right' after 2 months, 6 months or 8 months: they'd be out the door.

Best of luck OP, but I don't think you're listening.

VfM4meplse

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

Reassessing the whole relationship and starting to make her realise that because of the way you are you cant deal with the way she is.

I think the OP has provided enough detail to suggest that logic is not going to be a successful approach with his g/f. She is just too f*cked up.

There. I've said it so now I'll go away and MMOB.

[Deleted User]

True, my previous ex had a naccisstic personality and you cant reason with the unreasonable.

gillypkk

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I think the OP has provided enough detail to suggest that logic is not going to be a successful approach with his g/f. She is just too f*cked up.

There. I've said it so now I'll go away and MMOB.

he never said she was f****d up though. he has admitted he is clingy and has sat and cried and begged her though not to end it.

i dont think all the blame needs to be laid at her door. she ended it, he begged, she took him back for what ever reason (she really does love him and wants it to work or she felt sorry for him and wanted the bedding to stop)

they both need to be selfish and do whats best for themselves for a while and totally block out the others feelings till they both deal with their issues.

VfM4meplse

Okay, I couldn't resist - here's a theme tune you may want to listen to whilst you ponder your dilemma...

milkybar

gillypkk wrote: »

he never said she was f****d up though. he has admitted he is clingy and has sat and cried and begged her though not to end it.

i dont think all the blame needs to be laid at her door. she ended it, he begged, she took him back for what ever reason (she really does love him and wants it to work or she felt sorry for him and wanted the bedding to stop)

they both need to be selfish and do whats best for themselves for a while and totally block out the others feelings till they both deal with their issues.

Again, the previous times I have just said ok then, and let it go. Pretty much knowing deep down she would be back when she snapped out of it. Very good at convincing herself she doesn't care and then when she does she's all running back again.

This time though was different, the lack of emotion and the get over it, it really is over. Even though I've heard it all before it just sounded as though she really meant it. The text this morning from her indicates she's about to change her mind in a few hours. I'm not texting or calling (as much as I want to!). The ball is firmly in her court, if she wants me she knows where I am and if she wants to put it right then she can start by saying sorry.

January20

I'm sorry OP but there is nothing as unattractive and off putting as a man who begs you not to end a relationship! That in itself would make me want to run.

And why oh why did you beg her to say she loved you as she was ending the relationship with you? Again, another major turn off: blackmail!

Sorry if I'm harsh, but have some self-respect and she (and other women) might start to respect you more too!