How to believe it's really over?

milkybar

Alikay wrote: »

Sorry to be harsh but I do think it's over. She doesn't need the relationship in it's entirety, just certain aspects of it: Your ear (providing you agree with her), your support and your agreement to keep the door open if the single life isn't all she hopes for. She clearly isn't ready to make the break completely, so is keeping you hanging on.

People who "play" others like this can change, but usually when they've matured and with a new partner whom they've not treated like this. I think you should leave her alone, but not so she can decide what she wants - so you can get over her and find someone else.

Thank you for your opinion. I would disagree on that I'm about 90% sure it isn't over and that something has happened yesterday which has made her think she needs to break up with me.

She really does have a Jekyll and Hyde style personality. One minute she's the most sweet, caring, kind girlfriend you could meet and then on the next phone call she's annoyed about something so it's taken out on me. I'm pretty confident she does want to be with me, I'm the first person she's ever loved or fell for it's just the being apart she needs to find a solution to.

I'm also quite confident that her sister being pregnant has had a major role in this. She feels a massive amount of responsibility for her sister. Her sister isn't too smart, and a little bit childish still and fell pregnant to someone she lives with but cares nothing for. So my OH has decided she needs to live with them to take care of the baby and she's supposed to be doing two college courses, Uni and work in September and they can usually never be alone longer than a day before arguing. I'm sure it's to do with that, absolutely positive now once I've wrote it down!

[Deleted User]

Ive done the above and in hindsite i wish i had listened to my friends and not txt from the beginning. Regardless of what everyone has said to me i couldnt let go. I loved him and still do. There will become a time when you will know enoughs enough and you will snap. Its taken me since middle of july and look its nearly the end of august. Sitting in like a school girl just waiting for the txt and call thats says hes ready to come and sort it out now. Shes playing mind games with you. Just like my ex is too. Weve got to take control and no matter how hard it is you will come to the point of reason. Your emotions are taking over at the moment. Thats natural mine have, but logic after weeks is now taking over and you will realise that love doesnt hurt and her behaviour isnt acceptable no matter what she pleads eventually. Because beleive me she will if you take control of your emotions and act logically and cut her off for a while. When the time is ready for you to do so.

NickyBat

So this is her 6th time of doing this, how many more times are you going to let her do it you. If you love someone this is not how you treat them, and if she truly loved you she wouldn't be putting you through this.

milkybar

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

Ive done the above and in hindsite i wish i had listened to my friends and not txt from the beginning. Regardless of what everyone has said to me i couldnt let go. I loved him and still do. There will become a time when you will know enoughs enough and you will snap. Its taken me since middle of july and look its nearly the end of august. Sitting in like a school girl just waiting for the txt and call thats says hes ready to come and sort it out now. Shes playing mind games with you. Just like my ex is too. Weve got to take control and no matter how hard it is you will come to the point of reason. Your emotions are taking over at the moment. Thats natural mine have, but logic after weeks is now taking over and you will realise that love doesnt hurt and her behaviour isnt acceptable no matter what she pleads eventually. Because beleive me she will if you take control of your emotions and act logically and cut her off for a while. When the time is ready for you to do so.

You are right and I have done it before with past relationships! This I can say is the only person I've ever felt truly addicted to and never wanted to be apart from them.

Last night I asked her for a reason to hate her so I could just go and she said she'd cheated on me. I didn't believe her but I let her have her moment anyway.

So after the last text she sent saying to get some rest, I've now had another one straight after saying 'I want you to know that I didn't cheat on you. I've never wanted anybody but you and I'd never do it'.

I feel I shouldn't reply, because that text makes it sound like she's starting to realise she's made a mistake again and wants to sort it out.

[Deleted User]

This is the thing, she lying too and making up things. Like me i dont know the truth from a lie and im still hurting. Even after 5weeks i still get upset. Her personality is like that of my other ex, very spiteful and it doesnt get any better or easier. My personality is i wouldnt dream of hurting a loved one with any remark no matter how angry, frustrated, upset or hurt i am and you sound like that too. Her personality is soul destroying. Think really long and hard because my previous relationship to this lasted 10yrs and believe me i was a shadow of myself when i walked away. Thats why im doing what im doing now. because you also deserve to be treated with respect and a pattern in your relationship has already occured. One day you will sit down and realise that its another petty argument and shes been horrible again and it snowballs to to the point where you cant forget what shes said to you when shes angry the 1st time, then the 2nd, 3rd and so on. And thats painfull. Its emotional abuse.

milkybar

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

This is the thing, she lying too and making up things. Like me i dont know the truth from a lie and im still hurting. Even after 5weeks i still get upset. Her personality is like that of my other ex, very spiteful and it doesnt get any better or easier. My personality is i wouldnt dream of hurting a loved one with any remark no matter how angry, frustrated, upset or hurt i am and you sound like that too. Her personality is soul destroying. Think really long and hard because my previous relationship to this lasted 10yrs and believe me i was a shadow of myself when i walked away. Thats why im doing what im doing now. because you also deserve to be treated with respect and a pattern in your relationship has already occured. One day you will sit down and realise that its another petty argument and shes been horrible again and it snowballs to to the point where you cant forget what shes said to you when shes angry the 1st time, then the 2nd, 3rd and so on. And thats painfull. Its emotional abuse.

The reason she lied and said that was because she wanted me to hate her so she could go. We both knew nothing would be resolved on that phone call but I convince myself it is really over so I didn't want to go. Pretty good at making excuses for her behaviour, I'm starting to realise that too! My friends say I do all the time.

The funniest thing is that I used to be the way she was with my previous ex, I'd do exactly the same things, know the buttons to press and how to be annoying and eventually she broke up with me because she was sick of me acting like a child and as much as she loved me I was wearing her down. And now I'm in her position!

Really think after that last message I'm going to get an apology at some point today, if she hadn't said anything at all it would be fine and I'd just not speak to her but she's started now saying that she doesn't want anyone but me.

gallygirl

milkybar wrote: »

It does hurt you're right, but contary to how it sounds, 99% of the time our relationship is perfect until an outside interference comes into it and wrecks it.

You can't live in a bubble. There will always be 'outside interference' - it's called life. She doesn't turn to you for support, she simply turns ON you whenever anything goes wrong. My friend moved 100's of miles away with her then hubby to stop 'outside interference' - but then he got annoyed by work, the weather, the price of bread etc and turned on her every time.

IMHO you need to forget her and move on. She doesn't sound stable.

milkybar

gallygirl wrote: »

You can't live in a bubble. There will always be 'outside interference' - it's called life. She doesn't turn to you for support, she simply turns ON you whenever anything goes wrong. My friend moved 100's of miles away with her then hubby to stop 'outside interference' - but then he got annoyed by work, the weather, the price of bread etc and turned on her every time.

IMHO you need to forget her and move on. She doesn't sound stable.

It's actually true! If I'm having a bad day at work she gets in a mood because something is annoying me and she can't make it ok again, thats what scale it's on.

I know she doesn't sound stable, I think she knows she isn't either. Thank you for that, it made a lot of sense.

[Deleted User]

They all say that, they also say theyd kill themselves eventually because they cant live without you. They trash your friends, family and you. Sorry to be harsh and i do hope i am wrong but she sounds like me other ex. They twist and turn things and eventually you swear black is whitebecause you want to please them because you dont want to hurt anymore. I know you love her and you know whats coming. And you know how you feel now. Can you put up with this for as long as the relationship lasts. Emotionally drained and loosing days off work. We all on her want whats best for you. Maybe a few days out (its so hard i know) just to think about what you want from this. If she loves you like you say a few days from no txting and being apart will clear you head. Even if you can a week.

Lotus-eater

She's never going to respect you until you tell her to sling her hook if she comes back. She probably will come back.
You're nuts if you take her back again, absolutely nuts, this is never going to be a stable relationship.