Housemate Who Won't Pull Weight

leandygandy

peevedandlostforideas wrote: »

It's definitely my dented confidence that i've been trying to rebuild that is talking. I can't see why she would choose me though as their are far better looking men out there.

I would be worried about ruining the friendship. We are both awkward around each other but she always smiles and is polite with me. I've been out of the 'game' so long i've forgotten what to do.:o Ironically my housemate says that this lady likes me, but with recent goings on I find it hard to listen to anything that she says seriously.

I hear what you say about if another poster posted. I'm just scared of being rejected as it would knock me back big time if it ruined anything and i'd be back to the only female that loves me being my female dog and as much as I love her, I don't see her as my dream woman :rotfl:

Believe it or not, some women value personal qualities such as morals, kindness, manners, sense of humour etc. over looks

Where do you know this lady from? Do you tend to spend time together as part of a group or one-to-one? Is it possible you could 'move things along' by asking her out for a drink one evening, to a pub quiz for example. That could be a mate asking another mate to the pub or a date...open to interpretation but would probably help you get a better understanding of how she sees your friendship/relationship? You could even do that as a group of people if the idea of it being just the two of you is a bit much (if it went well you could suggest going just the two of you at a later date)

peevedandlostforideas

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Unfortunetly housesharing has a habit of making and breaking friendships. One of my best friends pretty much just became an aquaintence after we flat shared a few years. :(Sometimes you have to let go and move on.

It's sad, but I do agree. I'll have to see how it goes if I just get on with things.

LegalBlonde wrote: »

i've been through this so many times with friends....

why don't you hire a cleaner get an invoice and say right unless you clean today, i will have them come.

or have the cleaner come, and say right i pay this week you pay next week UNLESS you clean the day before they come....

She'll probably go for it. She thinks her money can buy her anything she wants right now so she may just go for it next time I say it. I don't feel comfortable myself having someone in so it would be a last resort but if she pays and it gives me a break...

leandygandy wrote: »

Believe it or not, some women value personal qualities such as morals, kindness, manners, sense of humour etc. over looks

Where do you know this lady from? Do you tend to spend time together as part of a group or one-to-one? Is it possible you could 'move things along' by asking her out for a drink one evening, to a pub quiz for example. That could be a mate asking another mate to the pub or a date...open to interpretation but would probably help you get a better understanding of how she sees your friendship/relationship? You could even do that as a group of people if the idea of it being just the two of you is a bit much (if it went well you could suggest going just the two of you at a later date)

I have all of the above in abundance and i'm house trained:cool:

We attend the same gym but she started talking to me first where she works in a shop in the town centre and I was looking confused as to what to buy, so she came over to help me out and then when she noticed me at the gym she'd say hello and chat to me about anything she could think of, so I don't know her that well but she doesn't talk to anyone else that i've noticed and she's quite awkward. So as you see, it's not really a friendship yet, still building but I like her talking to me.

Sadly the gym is now shut for 3 weeks for refurbishment and when i've been in the shop she's not been in for a few days so I may have to wait to talk to her again at the gym. None of my other friends know her personally but housemate knows her from the visits to the shop and says she thinks she likes me. I don't want to jump in too soon as she may just be being polite, but she at least talks to me so I don't want to alarm her by being too forward which isn't me anyway. I've never asked a lady out in my life, it's just happened before.

I'm not ready to mention anything just yet, I just want to get the confidence to speak to her without tripping over my words at the moment. I always leave thinking how I could have said something better

leandygandy

peevedandlostforideas wrote: »

It's sad, but I do agree. I'll have to see how it goes if I just get on with things.



She'll probably go for it. She thinks her money can buy her anything she wants right now so she may just go for it next time I say it. I don't feel comfortable myself having someone in so it would be a last resort but if she pays and it gives me a break...



I have all of the above in abundance and i'm house trained:cool:

We attend the same gym but she started talking to me first where she works in a shop in the town centre and I was looking confused as to what to buy, so she came over to help me out and then when she noticed me at the gym she'd say hello and chat to me about anything she could think of, so I don't know her that well but she doesn't talk to anyone else that i've noticed and she's quite awkward. So as you see, it's not really a friendship yet, still building but I like her talking to me.

Sadly the gym is now shut for 3 weeks for refurbishment and when i've been in the shop she's not been in for a few days so I may have to wait to talk to her again at the gym. None of my other friends know her personally but housemate knows her from the visits to the shop and says she thinks she likes me. I don't want to jump in too soon as she may just be being polite, but she at least talks to me so I don't want to alarm her by being too forward which isn't me anyway. I've never asked a lady out in my life, it's just happened before.

I'm not ready to mention anything just yet, I just want to get the confidence to speak to her without tripping over my words at the moment. I always leave thinking how I could have said something better

In that case may I recommend that next time you see her you start with 'Not seen you for a while, how have you been?' and see where it goes from there? If she is just an acquaintance at this point I agree that asking her out might be a bit too direct, seems like you're doing just fine as it is and slowly getting to know her.

peevedandlostforideas

leandygandy wrote: »

In that case may I recommend that next time you see her you start with 'Not seen you for a while, how have you been?' and see where it goes from there? If she is just an acquaintance at this point I agree that asking her out might be a bit too direct, seems like you're doing just fine as it is and slowly getting to know her.

Sounds like a plan Might come out as Hi, while not seen, you are how? Knowing me

I know my feelings are all over the place.

Thanks for listening and responding, it's good to get it out to someone who will listen. Housemate I don't trust what she says anymore and male friends are the opposite of me and typical lads whereas i'm not in the slightest much more shy and well behaved

leandygandy

peevedandlostforideas wrote: »

Sounds like a plan Might come out as Hi, while not seen, you are how? Knowing me

I know my feelings are all over the place.

Thanks for listening and responding, it's good to get it out to someone who will listen. Housemate I don't trust what she says anymore and male friends are the opposite of me and typical lads whereas i'm not in the slightest much more shy and well behaved

No worries, anytime. And I genuinely mean that.

I have a good feeling about this one, do keep us (read : me) posted if anything does develop!

peevedandlostforideas

leandygandy wrote: »

No worries, anytime. And I genuinely mean that.

I have a good feeling about this one, do keep us (read : me) posted if anything does develop!

If anything does happen you'll have trouble keeping me quiet

lynzpower

Hi there OP

Im wondering here what impact dealing with your housemate is having on your confidence in general.

If someone ignored my wishes, thoughts and feelings on a daily basis for some years Im sure it would make me question myself and what I had to offer if one of my closest friends gradually ignored me and expected me to pick up after her with no return, it would grind me down for sure. Im sure then this would have an impact on my own emotional/ dating life and how appealing i think I am!

I would simply think about speaking to some letting agents and seeing if there is anythnig coming up in your area for you to live in with the dogs. Im sure your moneybags freind is quite able to pay the rent all alone. Or you ask her to move out and find a new housemate if you know of anyone. Are you working at the mo, does she look after your dogs while you are at work?

Your dogs will be able to cope with a move Im sure. We have moved our now 15 year old Jack russell cross twice in three years and she has been fine after a couple of days of wariness. Me & OH are her "home" as long as we are around and she can smell our stuff that is her comfort.

busiscoming2

I think you have given your housemate plenty of opportunity to do their share of the work. It has obviously affected your confidence (wearing you down year after year), I too think you should gently persue the lady in the shop/gym, take it slowly, be friendly and let it take its course.

I know you are sad at the loss of your long friendship but these things happen; I had a friend (a good friend) whom I saw regularly for nearly 40 years (we met at school aged 8) but the close friendship came to a natural finish about a year ago and I have only seen her twice since. People change, their lives change and you just have to accept that.

Personally I would look into alternative accommodation for you and your dogs - a new start. I suspect when you tell your HM you are leaving she will be full of promises to change, don't be sucked in, you know she won't change.

Wishing you lots of luck, oh and don't ever say you aren't good looking enough for someone - are every couple you see good looking?

newcook

While generally clean and tidy, me and my housemate do tend to find the housework a bit of a chore so it ends up with one of us saying to the other ‘right, lets get this done and do it now and do it together!!’

With us doing it together it does motivate us and we get it cleaner than if we did it on our own – and obviously with us both doing it, it takes half the time!

Another alternative is to draw up a rota – and tell her if she doesn’t pull her weight you are going.

Mupette

Who's internet is it?

I wonder if the 'net' could go down for a few days.. long enough for her to realise what a screw up she is..