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Housemate Who Won't Pull Weight
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My conclusion is you need to meet more people. Your friends are not a great support to you so I would really try to find a hobby/pastime/voluntary work that gets you out and about meeting new people. They will have nothing to judge you by and will just make their own minds up based on who they see. Low self esteem - yes, but a decent bloke underneath.
I really hope chatting here is helping you. At least you can share your thoughts and feelings with some of us here who are listening! Doesn't beat face to face friendships though!
And often it's the best thing, you sound way too sensitive, you need to talk to alot more women, not as thinking about dating them, just talking, flirting a little if you like, I like flirting with anyone who will have meI don't want anything else, but a little flirting makes me and her feel good and you need to talk to women ALOT. You rarely find your princess without kissing alot of evil stepmothers first.
You've built this girl up and she's probably not going to live up to your expectations, which is really bad. Because now you'll mope when she doesn't.
Join a dancing group of some kind, something where there are loads of women, they'll be fighting over you. Or dogs and babies always work well I find. Dogs for young women and babies for old ladiesI could pull any female pensioner I wanted when I take my son out
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.0 -
I know this sounds a little mad.
But, have you talked to her online.. via fb etc?
My brother is a little like this but the only way i can get through to him is speaking on the internet.0 -
There is someone out there for everyone - I truly believe that. My hubby is also short and half bald and he got me didn't he.;) He is hubby no 2 and I was looking for a truly nice man not a b*****d like my first.....:rotfl:
However, you are investing far too much in this one lady for your own good. Try to bring it to a level where it is just about making another friend. If she doesn't want to go out then it is still nice to chat to someone at the gym. I did that too after my break up - saw a really nice guy I fancied and we chatted every time we saw each other. Turned out he was in a relationship but c'est la vie, we liked chatting, he made me feel good about myself at a time when I was low and no harm was done!
My conclusion is you need to meet more people. Your friends are not a great support to you so I would really try to find a hobby/pastime/voluntary work that gets you out and about meeting new people. They will have nothing to judge you by and will just make their own minds up based on who they see. Low self esteem - yes, but a decent bloke underneath.
I really hope chatting here is helping you. At least you can share your thoughts and feelings with some of us here who are listening! Doesn't beat face to face friendships though!
Your hubbymust be one of the lucky few
I think because I have had minimal attention, or I believe that, as i'm told people have liked me in the past - I just don't see it, that any attention at all means more to me than the average guy. I have got to know girls before but most of them just end up moving away or disappearing. Not sure what that says about me
I am looking in to something else outside the home. I'm still only working part time after being unwell last year and want to step it up.
I appreicate chatting here. I don't want to come across as such a loser though. I am relatively normal. Just shy and low self esteem.Lotus-eater wrote: »I agree fully, you need to meet new people, your mates don't sound that supportive, but then blokes normally aren't, "there's more fish in the sea, now lets go and have a pint" is exactly the thing my ex housemates would have said. Because blokes do well in the "stop being a girl and sort yourself out" type of pull me together stuff.
And often it's the best thing, you sound way too sensitive, you need to talk to alot more women, not as thinking about dating them, just talking, flirting a little if you like, I like flirting with anyone who will have meI don't want anything else, but a little flirting makes me and her feel good and you need to talk to women ALOT. You rarely find your princess without kissing alot of evil stepmothers first.
You've built this girl up and she's probably not going to live up to your expectations, which is really bad. Because now you'll mope when she doesn't.
Join a dancing group of some kind, something where there are loads of women, they'll be fighting over you. Or dogs and babies always work well I find. Dogs for young women and babies for old ladiesI could pull any female pensioner I wanted when I take my son out
I probably do need to meet a different kind of friend. Most of my friends are the same age as me but are 33/34 going on 18. There are a couple of girls in our circle but I don't see them as girls if you get what I mean. They are girls and attractive ones but i've known them for many years. A bit like my housemate, female but not :rotfl:They tend to talk to me about their lives and issues more than they talk to the other guys about them, so my sensitive side can be useful. I'm known as the one that doesn't talk much so I think they don't expect me to say anything. If they ask me how I am, I always say 'Good' or Not bad' even if i'm not Good or Not Bad. Polite to the end.
I don't think i've built her up too much, especially as I want to find flaws. Yes, I feel chemistry and maybe I have built her up to an extent as I never get this feeling, which may I add, I hate. I wish feelings never existedI think the term I used before of 'gutted' was a bit OTT. I think very disappointed would be better. I'm just excited but believe i'm heading for more disappointment and I do need to meet others so if this doesn't end the way I want it, i've a softer fall.
I'm going to go back to the gym next week and do some classes whilst the gym is being refurbished. They've finished the dance hall and housemate has decided she wants to give it a go, so Zumba is on the to do list for Monday. Can't say i'm looking forward to it mind :eek:
I don't have a baby, but I do have dogs. Sadly it's the opposite for me. It's the old ladies walking their dogs who make a fuss of mine, not young ladiesI know this sounds a little mad.
But, have you talked to her online.. via fb etc?
My brother is a little like this but the only way i can get through to him is speaking on the internet.
I don't have any of her details and don't use any of the messengers or social sites. Maybe I should slip her my email address and hope she sends a love email :rotfl:0 -
You don't have to live with someone to be their friend, nor to be like family.
move out and move one, you'll still be able to visit.Member of the first Mortgage Free in 3 challenge, no.19
Balance 19th April '07 = minus £27,640
Balance 1st November '09 = mortgage paid off with £1903 left over. Title deeds are now ours.0 -
peevedandlostforideas wrote: »I'm going to go back to the gym next week and do some classes whilst the gym is being refurbished. They've finished the dance hall and housemate has decided she wants to give it a go, so Zumba is on the to do list for Monday. Can't say i'm looking forward to it mind
There will be loads of women there! Just smile alot and don't look a miserable sod, say hi to as many as you can, even those you don't fancy.
peevedandlostforideas wrote: »I don't have any of her details and don't use any of the messengers or social sites. Maybe I should slip her my email address and hope she sends a love email
Loads of short half bald blokes get women, but for someone who seems not to want women to focus on your outward features, you seem to spend alot of time thinking about theirs tbh. It's great that you like someone who's beautiful, but it's what's inside that matters. I'm sure you know that already, but I don't know why you don't just start talking to loads of different women and meet some that you don't put on a pedestal before you start? Internet dating? It's what I'd be doing if I wanted to find someone.Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.0 -
You don't have to live with someone to be their friend, nor to be like family.
move out and move one, you'll still be able to visit.
It's just hard after 17 years. I'd feel like a desserter.Lotus-eater wrote: »Zumba is perfect I you like the fit toned type of women, I don't, but if you do, get in thereThere will be loads of women there! Just smile alot and don't look a miserable sod, say hi to as many as you can, even those you don't fancy.
You need to get to know her first, otherwise she is going to think you are a bit of a wierdo.
Loads of short half bald blokes get women, but for someone who seems not to want women to focus on your outward features, you seem to spend alot of time thinking about theirs tbh. It's great that you like someone who's beautiful, but it's what's inside that matters. I'm sure you know that already, but I don't know why you don't just start talking to loads of different women and meet some that you don't put on a pedestal before you start? Internet dating? It's what I'd be doing if I wanted to find someone.
I'm not doing it for meeting someone. Housemate wants to do it and I said i'd tag along for morale support and it can't do me any harm. I miss the gym and these classes will be the next best thing.
I'm thinking about this one's outward features as they just struck me. Trust me, when I say she's beautiful, it appears to be in every way. She seems like a beautiful person inside and outside and the inside is always the clincher. I'd not want a pretty girl who is a bad person and my last partner wasn't beautiful outside and as it turned out, not on the inside either, so again I could be wrong about this one. Being around friends who think of the outside only has made me think that this is what women look at me for and end up disappointed. It's not like anyone has ever said i'm ugly, in fact i've had a few compliments in my life, albeit sporadically, just not in the last few years. I think with this young lady, some chemistry is there, at least for me anyway, so she may be beautiful outside, but she appears to be a lovely person and the chemistry is something I haven't experienced for a long long time. Trust me, any relationships in my life or near misses have not been because of looks or i'd never have gone for them. They were just seemingly nice girls who either turned out not to be or moved away.
Wouldn't internet dating just be like picking a picture and choosing looks anyway? I'd prefer it a little more natural and learn how to be more self confident. I'm sure there are courses I can look into as I feel I may need to work on myself before actively looking for anything else. This girl just came out of nowhere and made me feel good about myself, the fact she's outwardly beautiful too is great, but as she covers up at work and at the gym wears tracksuit bottoms etc, she may not be perfect under it and I don't really care, I just know she makes me feel good when she talks to me, albeit very nervous :rotfl:I just want to have more confidence in my own personality and looks as that's what initially attracts people.0 -
peevedandlostforideas wrote: »I'm not doing it for meeting someone. Housemate wants to do it and I said i'd tag along for morale support and it can't do me any harm. I just want to have more confidence in my own personality and looks as that's what initially attracts people.
No one's going to do it for you, nothing going to drop into your lap. No one is going to send you a love email without you doing something first. If you want someone, you are going to have to get out there and meet some women.
You say you like yourself, it's just the outside you don't like, now you say you have no confidence in your personality. I don't think you do like yourself that much. Go and see a doctor!Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.0 -
Lotus-eater wrote: »Well you should be doing it to meet people. Honestly, I'm a bit like your friends, I'm getting close to saying, pull yourself together and sort yourself out.
No one's going to do it for you, nothing going to drop into your lap. No one is going to send you a love email without you doing something first. If you want someone, you are going to have to get out there and meet some women.
You say you like yourself, it's just the outside you don't like, now you say you have no confidence in your personality. I don't think you do like yourself that much. Go and see a doctor!
The love email thing was a joke, i'm not seriously going to hand over my email address. It's not like I don't go out, I do. I just don't start the conversations beause of my shyness. I could go into many reasons why i'm shy, but it won't change anything.
I have made steps recently, i've changed the way I dress and put even more effort into myself. It has been noticed by others, so i'm making gradual improvements to myself. I think the reason i've got so angry of late with my flatmate and made improvements and started noticing girls again is because i'm fed up of moping and getting nowhere. My breakup really got to me and i'm slowly rising again and I ended up talking about it on here when it was originally another subject
I do like me. With the no confidence in my personality, I mean in what to say to people and how I come across. When I get to know people i'm fine, it's those first steps that are always the hardest.
EDIT - I'm probably doing myself a dis-service and making myself sound worse than I am - the problems with writing things down. I'm considered by my friends as the most sensible, reliable and laid back person they know, but then I never talk about anything that bothers me0 -
peevedandlostforideas wrote: »The love email thing was a joke, i'm not seriously going to hand over my email address. It's not like I don't go out, I do. I just don't start the conversations beause of my shyness. I could go into many reasons why i'm shy, but it won't change anything.
I have made steps recently, i've changed the way I dress and put even more effort into myself. It has been noticed by others, so i'm making gradual improvements to myself. I think the reason i've got so angry of late with my flatmate and made improvements and started noticing girls again is because i'm fed up of moping and getting nowhere. My breakup really got to me and i'm slowly rising again and I ended up talking about it on here when it was originally another subject
I do like me. With the no confidence in my personality, I mean in what to say to people and how I come across. When I get to know people i'm fine, it's those first steps that are always the hardest.
If you meet someone who is a bit shy or tonguetied when you meet them, then you allow for that, don't you? Then why would a decent person you meet not do the same.
Of course there will be those that laugh at you, those that don't want to know you, but they aren't the ones who are worth any time anyway.Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.0 -
Lotus-eater wrote: »I don't get it, you start off by saying there is a big problem, now you say there isn't a real problem?
If you meet someone who is a bit shy or tonguetied when you meet them, then you allow for that, don't you? Then why would a decent person you meet not do the same.
Of course there will be those that laugh at you, those that don't want to know you, but they aren't the ones who are worth any time anyway.
The big problem is myself speaking to women, ones that I like. I'm okay with people I already know, albeit i'm naturally quiet. I've met a young lady I like and it conerns me as feelings I thought had died have resurfaced and I don't like my appearance so you'll have to forgive me for being unsure of myself at the moment. Before I met this lady, I was fine and plodding along, but meeting someone has made me go a bit weird.
Anyway, may be best to leave it now as it's not what the thread was for originally and i've got to work this one out for myself as i'm not doing myself any favours by posting it on here and don't really want to post my life story as to why i'm shy and the way I am. Thanks everyone for the comments, they have been gratefully received.0
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