Possibly over-reacting but MY HOUSE, MY RULES

January20

I can't believe that the OP is getting so much grief for "letting him smoke"!!! Does anybody really think that at 17 if he wants to smoke she has any power to stop him? What is she supposed to do? confiscate his EMA? Get real! Its a filthy habit but it's not a crime and please don't remind me he's "only" 17. There is the theoretical world where everybody follows the rules and the laws and then, there is the real world.

dirtysexymonkey

January20 wrote: »

I can't believe that the OP is getting so much grief for "letting him smoke"!!! Does anybody really think that at 17 if he wants to smoke she has any power to stop him? What is she supposed to do? confiscate his EMA? Get real! Its a filthy habit but it's not a crime and please don't remind me he's "only" 17. There is the theoretical world where everybody follows the rules and the laws and then, there is the real world.

if you want to smoke, you can do it somewhere else. pack your bags.

thats what a decent parent would do, one that cares that their child is killing themselves. and him buying cigs is a crime.

dirtysexymonkey

ska_lover wrote: »

The nightmare parent comment is a load of b*llo&cks. If she wasnt concerned about her lad, she wouldnt be on here would she..

I kind of agree with some of this though as in:-

Staying out with your friends is not OK if I do not say so. However, you are allowed to smoke. I would say smoking is the more serious issue really, but that isn't what the thread is about.

but shes not concerned about him. thats the point. shes concerned about whether her rules are an overreaction. she set the rules and he followed them and now she wants everyone to say shes right! shes not! and shes a disgrace for letting her son smoke and kill himself.

dirtysexymonkey

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

And folk are having a go at the OP for overreacting? The problem with smoking is he'll end up doing it with or without her permission/knowledge, at least if she knows, she's not fretting that the money's going on something worse. Like it or not cigarettes are legal, but you know, I remember the legal age being 16. And actually it's not illegal to buy them if you're under 18, if I recall correctly, it's illegal to sell them to people under 18 unless that changed too along with the age limit.

As for throwing someone out for smoking being the thing "a decent parent would do...."

if you recall correctly, why do police officers have a duty to confiscate cigarettes from anyone under the age of 18?

and yes a decent parent would give them the choice between their addiction which is killing them, or the home that is keeping them safe, warm and fed. few kids would choose the cigs.

ska_lover

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

if you recall correctly, why do police officers have a duty to confiscate cigarettes from anyone under the age of 18?

and yes a decent parent would give them the choice between their addiction which is killing them, or the home that is keeping them safe, warm and fed. few kids would choose the cigs.

No.

A decent parent would NOT kick their own teenager out of the house for smoking.

That would make him homeless and quite possibly have to quit his college course as he would have to earn real money to keep his head above water.

He would end up living god knows where doing some menial job to make ends meet, long gone would the oppurtunity be for him to make something of himself, he would be stuck in a rut - Yeah ruining his life would really teach him. Teach him to resent his parents.

My point further up is, if he is getting away with smoking unchallenged (being treat like an adult) yet can't choose to stay at his friends when he wants to (being treat like a child) - must be confusing for the lad.At the end of the day, he is still impressionable, he listens to his mother clearly, comes home when she tells him to.

But thats just my opinion, there is no need to be so rude about the op - after all, we all only try our best.

dirtysexymonkey

ska_lover wrote: »

No.

A decent parent would NOT kick their own teenager out of the house for smoking.

That would make him homeless and quite possibly have to quit his college course as he would have to earn real money to keep his head above water.

He would end up living god knows where doing some menial job to make ends meet, long gone would the oppurtunity be for him to make something of himself, he would be stuck in a rut - Yeah ruining his life would really teach him. Teach him to resent his parents.

My point further up is, if he is getting away with smoking unchallenged (being treat like an adult) yet can't choose to stay at his friends when he wants to (being treat like a child) - must be confusing for the lad.At the end of the day, he is still impressionable, he listens to his mother clearly, comes home when she tells him to.

But thats just my opinion, there is no need to be so rude about the op - after all, we all only try our best.

erm or much more likely than all of that it would get the kid to stop smoking and thus likely save his life. but do carry on with your worst case scenario delusion...:rotfl:

ska_lover

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

erm or much more likely than all of that it would get the kid to stop smoking and thus likely save his life. but do carry on with your worst case scenario delusion...:rotfl:

Are you talking from experience here?

How would you expect a homeless teenager to live, with no money, no family support, no job?? Pray give us your wisdom..

dirtysexymonkey

ska_lover wrote: »

Are you talking from experience here?

How would you expect a homeless teenager to live, with no money, no family support, no job?? Pray give us your wisdom..

id expect a teenager as intelligent as the ops one to realise where his bread is buttered and stop smoking. you seem to think hes too stupid to do that for some reason.;)

but if that fails we do have an overly generous welfare state (one that currently supplies his cigs to the tune of £25 each week for nothing!) so i dont think hed find himself homeless.

January20

ska_lover wrote: »

No.

A decent parent would NOT kick their own teenager out of the house for smoking.

That would make him homeless and quite possibly have to quit his college course as he would have to earn real money to keep his head above water.

He would end up living god knows where doing some menial job to make ends meet, long gone would the oppurtunity be for him to make something of himself, he would be stuck in a rut - Yeah ruining his life would really teach him. Teach him to resent his parents.

My point further up is, if he is getting away with smoking unchallenged (being treat like an adult) yet can't choose to stay at his friends when he wants to (being treat like a child) - must be confusing for the lad.At the end of the day, he is still impressionable, he listens to his mother clearly, comes home when she tells him to.

But thats just my opinion, there is no need to be so rude about the op - after all, we all only try our best.

Completely agree with this, the OP is trying her best. We don't know what she thinks about her son smoking. She may have tried really hard so stop him and failed. Who knows?

It's not easy to be a parent to a teenager - especially in this society which gives conflicting messages to both parent and child. It sounds like the OP has done a really good job and is perhaps finding it difficult to strike a perfect balance as her son is growing up. It sounds like it's just her and her son and I can say from experience that it's possibly harder in that situation. The fact she posted here shows she really cares and want to do the best.

Peanuckle

Back on track (since whether or not he smokes is completely off topic)

I have an 18 year old son and 17 year old boy/girl twins, the rule in our house is that you tell Mum as soon as possible if you won't be home for the night and I MUST be told where you will be just in case I need to contact you. All 3 have mobile phones and are good at letting me know, the only other thing I insist on is that if they're going into the city then they text me to say they're back to wherever they're sleeping. That way I know they're safe, someone we know was stabbed in the city so it's more for my peace of mind than anything else but they're good at doing it.

Planning meals around here is a nightmare as I'm never 100% sure if I'll be catering for 6 people or just me (DH is a lorry driver so can be working away at a moment's notice and stepson pops in and out), therefore most meals are adaptable, either I swap the meal plan around and cook it the next day, split the meat up and make two meals out of it or even use the excess to batch cook for when they all need something to just heat. One thing I would say is you would be doing your son a big favour to get him cooking meals for himself (and you), my lot can all cook a basic meal and if me and hubby aren't home then one of them usually makes a meal for the others. Nothing fancy, eldest prefers making pasta bake, daughter is more adventurous and makes a mean toad in the hole (so I'm told, she won't cook it for us as she is not confident enough yet) but the 17 year old lad sticks to cheese toasties lol
I'm seriously considering putting a wall planner up so everyone can mark down the days they know they won't be in for tea in advance so I can plan better (also so we avoid the "but I told you Mum!" bit which is mostly true since my memory isn't the best:o)