Possibly over-reacting but MY HOUSE, MY RULES

BugglyB

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

im siding with your son. you sound like a nightmare. you want him to act like an adult but still treat him like a child. you asked him to follow your rules and he did, and now your moaning because hes not under your control.

why are you letting him break the law too? smoking is illegal for those under 18. why havent you put a stop to that?

If you think OP sounds like a 'nightmare' mother you have led a very sheltered life.

'Nightmare' is a neglectful or abusive parent, I don't think OP is either. I dont agree with her parenting either but I think you're being rude.

dirtysexymonkey

BugglyB wrote: »

If you think OP sounds like a 'nightmare' mother you have led a very sheltered life.

'Nightmare' is a neglectful or abusive parent, I don't think OP is either. I dont agree with her parenting either but I think you're being rude.

its subjective. your being rude.

FBaby

My partner was spoilt by his mum with attention and getting away with rules. He naturally took advantage of it. One day she had enough and told him to go and experience real like, kicking him out. He was 18 and indeed had to learn real life. They didn't speak for almost a year...

Fast forward 25 years and he says it is the best thing she could have done. He turned out very well, an amazing helpful partner who cooks, clean and the rest, who went up the ladder at his job and now does very well, and who absolutely adores his mum and would do everything for her.

Sometimes you have to be tough to give them a chance to grow up...

jakes-mum

At 17 I didnt have to ask my parents permission to stay out, but I did have to ask in advance if I wanted a friend to stay over. I didnt stay over a boyfriends until I was 18 and by then my dad used to always ask me as I was walking out the door 'are you coming home tonight as I need to know if I can lock the back door' and i'd either say yes i'll be home about such and such a time or, no, im staying at 'boyfriends/friends name' i'll be home in the morning.
I agree that it is your home, your paying, but at 17 he is old enough to decide where he sleeps, as for the meals, stop cooking for him before you go to work, cook when you get home so you get a fresh meal. He is more than capable of feeding himself, and actually could make you a dinner while your working! I was expected to cook from the age of 13 when both my sisters were at college/working and both my parents worked, that was part of being a family

busiscoming2

He has done what you asked and let you know about his arrangements. As for the food, I would tend to let him cook for himself or if you don't think he will eat properly, then make batches of things you know he will eat, freeze them, then he can just microwave them. But really at his age he should be a bit more independent.

Mupette

I would say (mum to ds 16)

You got to let him go.

You said yourself, good grades, in college (in August?)
respectful and nice..

He's not up to no good, although you let him smoke.

You let him do adult things (smoking) yet i think you fear your baby boy is almost 18 and you don't want to let him grow up...

I think you'd be on here complaining if he was glued to his computer all the time, just let him go.

amibovvered

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

smoking is illegal for those under 18

Rubbish! It is illegal to sell cigarettes to someone under 18, however it is not illegal to smoke. If you are going to rubbish the OP, at least get your facts right!

claire16c

It is illegal for him to buy cigarettes though, which she says he is spending his money on.

ska_lover

Hi op

I'm with your son on this one im afraid. As the mother of a 19 year old my lad has been giving me the early evening 'won't be home' phone calls for at least 18 months. Not a problem at all, as long as I know where he is, and when he is due back. The only time I would be Pee'd off is if I didnt get a phone call and would then be worried.

It does sound like a power struggle between you two, but you have got to start letting go a little, as he is very nearly a (legal) grown up.

You are proud of your son, I can tell. His good grades etc, give him a break on this issue. He works hard at college etc so let him choose what he does in his own free time I say. You might find that forcing him to come home for no specific reason will result in him not bothering to tell you next time, and just staying out anyway.

ska_lover

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

im siding with your son. you sound like a nightmare. you want him to act like an adult but still treat him like a child. you asked him to follow your rules and he did, and now your moaning because hes not under your control.

why are you letting him break the law too? smoking is illegal for those under 18. why havent you put a stop to that?

The nightmare parent comment is a load of b*llo&cks. If she wasnt concerned about her lad, she wouldnt be on here would she..

I kind of agree with some of this though as in:-

Staying out with your friends is not OK if I do not say so. However, you are allowed to smoke. I would say smoking is the more serious issue really, but that isn't what the thread is about.