Possibly over-reacting but MY HOUSE, MY RULES

Eton_Rifle

Do you know who this friend is?

fannyanna

I'm siding with your son.

Yes, your house, your rules but he has follwed the rules

Rain_is_Insane

rachbc wrote: »

why do you want him home - is it because he needs to do somethinf specific, or is it 'just' becuase you said so? if the former fair enough if the later then I'm not so sure...after all the rules are to let you know - which he has done.
He sounds like he's got his head screwed on if he's planning on getting to college tomorrow (which is impressive as its the hols here!)

I want him home because just recently he's taking the mick (appologies to anyone called Mick)

I work in a hotel and my evening shift covers evening meals so i tend to plate up before I leave for work. If he's at college the next day, I often find the meal wasted. Which is why i'm a bit nissed.

Rain_is_Insane

j.e.j. wrote: »

It sounds like you are put out that he has told you that he'll be at his friend's rather than asked you: "mum, please can I stay round x's house tonight?"

I don't know. I'd say don't go off at the deep end. What is the real issue here? Is it that you feel he's being rude, or is it more of a power struggle between you?

Having a 'it's my way or the highway' approach may or may not get you the response you want. Maybe just say to him it'd be courteous if he could ask you in future.

I do appreciate this reply, and yes, it's the fact he's "told" me rather than ask me

Sambucus_Nigra

Rain_is_Insane wrote: »

I want him home because just recently he's taking the mick (appologies to anyone called Mick)

I work in a hotel and my evening shift covers evening meals so i tend to plate up before I leave for work. If he's at college the next day, I often find the meal wasted. Which is why i'm a bit nissed.

So teach him that if you've made a meal, use the mircowave. ie serve it up the next day heated up or get him to heat it up himself.

If that's ALL he does, then you are being more than a little harsh.

Sambucus_Nigra

Rain_is_Insane wrote: »

I do appreciate this reply, and yes, it's the fact he's "told" me rather than ask me

Why ask you though - he's 17 not 7.

Rain_is_Insane

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Why ask you though - he's 17 not 7.

He's 17...still at college....I provide for him (apart from his EMA of £25 a week from beneast which gets spent on tobacco and phone credit)...I think a little respect wouldn't go amiss here.

Like I said, I'm probably over reacting but it has really niggled me that he didn't say "mum is it alright if I stay out tonight" and instead I got "mum i'm staying out tonight but i'll be back for a shower in the morning.

I work in a hotel...I don't run one!!!!

whitewing

I think let him stay out tonight.

I see no reason why you can't have an acceptable no. of nights that you'd expect him to be home in general though (that is flexible). It is a home not a hotel. So I wouldn't put up with him being out 5 nights a week maybe.

I think he needs to be able to be a little spontaneous though.

It also depends maybe on younger brothers and sisters. When my DS is 18 his sister will still be under 10, so I would expect him to still have a relationship with her and that means spending time with her, whereas DH and I could be more flexible.

Rain_is_Insane

whitewing wrote: »

I think let him stay out tonight.

I see no reason why you can't have an acceptable no. of nights that you'd expect him to be home in general though (that is flexible). It is a home not a hotel. So I wouldn't put up with him being out 5 nights a week maybe.

I think he needs to be able to be a little spontaneous though.

It also depends maybe on younger brothers and sisters. When my DS is 18 his sister will still be under 10, so I would expect him to still have a relationship with her and that means spending time with her, whereas DH and I could be more flexible.

He's an only child. He's done the military thing (lasted a few months and came home) and the deal was, that he found a college/apprenticeship and didn't sit on his backside all day and helped around the house.

Since he came home in Feb, he's had 4 girlfriends and been staying out on average 3-5 nights a week.

The other nights he turned up with the current squeeze and said "xxx is staying tonight is that ok"? It was a bit late to turn them out at that time so I felt obliged to let them stay.

Rain_is_Insane

And just to answer a previous post, his grades are fantastic, he's very respectable and polite, and other than this I have no problems with him.

This is why I'm struggling...it's so out of character for him.